On the one hand, I'm still occasionally a bit salty about the death of the old Star Wars EU. On the other hand...
...the fact that "Rogue One" is apparently now a teenaged girl who spied for the Rebellion around the time of the Death Star?
Yeah, okay, that's good.
*This is a reference to 1) the fact that there are (sexist) people complaining about this (of course), and 2) there's a rather infamous screenshot of Bandora/Rita Repulsa saying "Cry harder, baby!" to, well, a baby.
Other Bandora quotes from the Zyuranger super sentai subtitles include:
"Dora Argus, go to Earth right away and harm the children!"
"Humans live too long already without the elixir!"
"The magic spinning wheel! Send that baby to hell now!"
...Bandora really hates babies (and all children, really).
-Signing off.
Showing posts with label star wars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label star wars. Show all posts
Friday, April 8, 2016
Monday, April 4, 2016
This May Remind You That Making Shipping Choices Is Premature For This Trilogy*
Second favorite thing about the "How It Should Have Ended" series is still the "I've got a son!" gag**. (Although the alternate take on the death scene in this skit is close competition.)
I might have posted this closer to when I first saw it, but 1) I sorta forgot, and 2) I'm a little irked, actually, that the Starkiller base was depicted as just a bigger Death Star.
Yes, it's a bigger Death Star (which can fire beams at plus-c velocities), but it's a bigger Death Star that's wrapped in a planet, not just a generic gray sphere.
*Because who knows who might be related to who. This is Star Wars, it's basically a soap opera/space opera hybrid.
**The favorite overall being the whole Pacific Rim skit.
-Signing off.
I might have posted this closer to when I first saw it, but 1) I sorta forgot, and 2) I'm a little irked, actually, that the Starkiller base was depicted as just a bigger Death Star.
Yes, it's a bigger Death Star (which can fire beams at plus-c velocities), but it's a bigger Death Star that's wrapped in a planet, not just a generic gray sphere.
*Because who knows who might be related to who. This is Star Wars, it's basically a soap opera/space opera hybrid.
**The favorite overall being the whole Pacific Rim skit.
-Signing off.
Friday, March 4, 2016
I Don't Even Care About The Character Whose Theme It Is*
So I come across this remix of the Imperial March and think "that's pretty cool."
Then I see that the same guy did a remix of Duel of the Fates and went "that's awesome."
Because much as I love Imperial March and think it's a pretty iconic piece, Duel of the Fates is my favorite Star Wars composition by far, and never mind that it's from what many argue is the worst Star Wars film.
(Out there somewhere, there's somebody who gauges/used to gauge the Star Wars movies by the number of hands cut off in the particular movie in question, and points to Episode I's lack of any such as a sign of poor quality. My sister suggests an alternate scale: Rating the Star Wars films by music. Since Episode I is the only film with Duel of the Fates, it is by this scale clearly the best.)
*Darth Maul, if context doesn't make that as clear as I think it does.
-Signing off.
Then I see that the same guy did a remix of Duel of the Fates and went "that's awesome."
Because much as I love Imperial March and think it's a pretty iconic piece, Duel of the Fates is my favorite Star Wars composition by far, and never mind that it's from what many argue is the worst Star Wars film.
(Out there somewhere, there's somebody who gauges/used to gauge the Star Wars movies by the number of hands cut off in the particular movie in question, and points to Episode I's lack of any such as a sign of poor quality. My sister suggests an alternate scale: Rating the Star Wars films by music. Since Episode I is the only film with Duel of the Fates, it is by this scale clearly the best.)
*Darth Maul, if context doesn't make that as clear as I think it does.
-Signing off.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Crossover Gag: DC/Star Wars Edition
It's pretty unfair that Mark Hamill's acting career never properly took off after Star Wars; he's a pretty talented actor.
On the other hand, we'd probably never have have gotten him turning to voice acting and playing the Joker that way.
And then we'd never have gotten this little gem, either.
Hamill's Joker is still the definitive Joker.
-Signing off.
On the other hand, we'd probably never have have gotten him turning to voice acting and playing the Joker that way.
And then we'd never have gotten this little gem, either.
Hamill's Joker is still the definitive Joker.
-Signing off.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
A Modest Proposal
So I ended up watching the new Star Wars movie yesterday (this being a thing that my mother considers a much higher priority than other, more ordinary movie franchises), and I have to say it was pretty decent. (I was very happy, when all was said and done, with numerous casting decisions, with certain writing choices, and with choice of superweapon.*)
Which isn't to say it was perfect. Out of the things I can think of that aren't some manner of spoiler, I think the biggest problem I had was the... rather fuzzy sense of motion and spatial relationships that the movie had. Not counting the scene that was total nonsense in terms of astrophysics (and not in a "but this is a fictional universe" way) but was also a spoiler**, there were a lot of scenes where there was an odd sense that the arrangement of characters and objects was just not quite right, and there were a few scenes that really stood out as not making any sense.
Say what you like about the prequels and the unfortunate editing decisions from the special editions, but George Lucas is an amazing director when it comes to motion and space, and they had a consistent action style with each other and with the original trilogy. Never did I watch a Lucas-directed Star Wars movie and wonder what the hell was going on with respect to where Group A and Group B were relative to each other, but it happened to me two or three times during this film. And based on my completely unprofessional survey of a single comment section discussing the movie, I was not the only one who had this problem.
Unfortunately, I think the approach Hollywood takes to directing movies is probably the wrong approach. Having a single director monolithically control a film is going to get you a product that's not as good as if you had a team of directors actually working together.
Michael Bay, while he makes drecky movies, is also a special effects/physics director nearly on par with George Lucas, but, well, everything else about his movies tends to be pretty bad, and he's also kind of a disgusting sexist pig. J.J. Abrams' directing is solid at plenty, but just isn't quite up to complicated science fiction action scenes. And I'm sure there are other cases of directors who are pretty good at this and that and the other thing but not at something else that's potentially important.
And during an admittedly wonky moment on my part, I found myself suggesting to my sister that the solution was probably (thanks to Hollywood being full of big egos who are unlikely to enjoy being forced to get along in the way I'd prefer) to create a Frankenstein's monster out of a whole bunch of different directors, picking and choosing their best traits and combining them into a single supreme director who would then be in charge of every big-budget film.
I find myself thinking it'd probably be the easier way to get better movies.
*If you're not concerned about the SPOILER aspect... (Relatively minor spoilers below.)
I like the amount of diversity in the cast. I mean, I think they probably should have had a few more alien characters who were more prominent, but the amount of human diversity in the film was very nice.
I also like the degree of sympathetic and interesting that the stormtroopers were allowed to be. And I liked that one guy with the vibro-tonfa, he was a badass. (And I just have to shake my head at the people who complain about the scene. It was there because it was awesome, you jerks.) On the other hand, I thought that the character death was SUPER predictable and pretty meh.
Finally, while I thought that the bit of phallic comparison during the analysis scene was pretty terrible (see this little thing? It's the old superweap-NOW HERE IS THE NEW ONE SEE ITS HUGENESS AND BE JEALOUS), I kinda thought the over-the-topness of the Starkiller was awesome (I'm aware that quite a few fans of Star Wars didn't like it at all). It actually stems back to a conversation I had back around when the EU was handwaved out of continuity; I was being annoyed about it and about certain smug internet personalities who were crowing about the fact that the EU was gone because it meant that the Galaxy Gun and the Sun Crusher and other ridiculously powerful EU superweapons were also gone. In a fit of pique, I'd turned to my sister and shouted something about hoping a rapid-firing Galaxy Gun with Sun Crusher ammunition would show up in the film. If you've seen the Starkiller scene and know anything about those EU superweapons, well, the Starkiller is surprisingly close to actually being that. I joked after actually watching the film that the next superweapon was going to be a weaponized gas giant that ate galaxies as fuel.
**I'd like to know just how one of the planets that blew up was approximately as visible in the sky of the planet the characters were on as if it were as close as a moon orbiting the planet would have been. I'm willing to accept all the target planets being visible during the superweapon firing scene as artistic license, but that other bit was just a hot pile of BS. If there'd ever been any evidence that Star Wars astrophysics were similar to, say, Treasure Planet astrophysics, I'd probably have been fine with it, but there's never been any such; we're usually led to assume that physics in Star Wars are similar except where they're shown to be different.
-Signing off.
Which isn't to say it was perfect. Out of the things I can think of that aren't some manner of spoiler, I think the biggest problem I had was the... rather fuzzy sense of motion and spatial relationships that the movie had. Not counting the scene that was total nonsense in terms of astrophysics (and not in a "but this is a fictional universe" way) but was also a spoiler**, there were a lot of scenes where there was an odd sense that the arrangement of characters and objects was just not quite right, and there were a few scenes that really stood out as not making any sense.
Say what you like about the prequels and the unfortunate editing decisions from the special editions, but George Lucas is an amazing director when it comes to motion and space, and they had a consistent action style with each other and with the original trilogy. Never did I watch a Lucas-directed Star Wars movie and wonder what the hell was going on with respect to where Group A and Group B were relative to each other, but it happened to me two or three times during this film. And based on my completely unprofessional survey of a single comment section discussing the movie, I was not the only one who had this problem.
Unfortunately, I think the approach Hollywood takes to directing movies is probably the wrong approach. Having a single director monolithically control a film is going to get you a product that's not as good as if you had a team of directors actually working together.
Michael Bay, while he makes drecky movies, is also a special effects/physics director nearly on par with George Lucas, but, well, everything else about his movies tends to be pretty bad, and he's also kind of a disgusting sexist pig. J.J. Abrams' directing is solid at plenty, but just isn't quite up to complicated science fiction action scenes. And I'm sure there are other cases of directors who are pretty good at this and that and the other thing but not at something else that's potentially important.
And during an admittedly wonky moment on my part, I found myself suggesting to my sister that the solution was probably (thanks to Hollywood being full of big egos who are unlikely to enjoy being forced to get along in the way I'd prefer) to create a Frankenstein's monster out of a whole bunch of different directors, picking and choosing their best traits and combining them into a single supreme director who would then be in charge of every big-budget film.
I find myself thinking it'd probably be the easier way to get better movies.
*If you're not concerned about the SPOILER aspect... (Relatively minor spoilers below.)
I like the amount of diversity in the cast. I mean, I think they probably should have had a few more alien characters who were more prominent, but the amount of human diversity in the film was very nice.
I also like the degree of sympathetic and interesting that the stormtroopers were allowed to be. And I liked that one guy with the vibro-tonfa, he was a badass. (And I just have to shake my head at the people who complain about the scene. It was there because it was awesome, you jerks.) On the other hand, I thought that the character death was SUPER predictable and pretty meh.
Finally, while I thought that the bit of phallic comparison during the analysis scene was pretty terrible (see this little thing? It's the old superweap-NOW HERE IS THE NEW ONE SEE ITS HUGENESS AND BE JEALOUS), I kinda thought the over-the-topness of the Starkiller was awesome (I'm aware that quite a few fans of Star Wars didn't like it at all). It actually stems back to a conversation I had back around when the EU was handwaved out of continuity; I was being annoyed about it and about certain smug internet personalities who were crowing about the fact that the EU was gone because it meant that the Galaxy Gun and the Sun Crusher and other ridiculously powerful EU superweapons were also gone. In a fit of pique, I'd turned to my sister and shouted something about hoping a rapid-firing Galaxy Gun with Sun Crusher ammunition would show up in the film. If you've seen the Starkiller scene and know anything about those EU superweapons, well, the Starkiller is surprisingly close to actually being that. I joked after actually watching the film that the next superweapon was going to be a weaponized gas giant that ate galaxies as fuel.
**I'd like to know just how one of the planets that blew up was approximately as visible in the sky of the planet the characters were on as if it were as close as a moon orbiting the planet would have been. I'm willing to accept all the target planets being visible during the superweapon firing scene as artistic license, but that other bit was just a hot pile of BS. If there'd ever been any evidence that Star Wars astrophysics were similar to, say, Treasure Planet astrophysics, I'd probably have been fine with it, but there's never been any such; we're usually led to assume that physics in Star Wars are similar except where they're shown to be different.
-Signing off.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Probably Waiting For DVD This Time
Darnit, I should wrap up my Star Wars article series before this thing hits.
I think I actually would only have one, maybe two regular entries left, but that'll probably change when that movie comes out.
...Also, "they're real?" People have stopped believing Jedi are real or something in this continuity?
That is so stupid.
(Seriously, there are multiple species with lifespans ranging towards thousands of years, the lifespan in-universe is probably longer, digital media is a fricking thing in the Star Wars universe, and the Jedi Order existed for at least four thousand years as a hugely powerful group of public servants. Even if you discount some of that as probably-not-entirely-canonical material because of the stupid Legends retcon, the Jedi Order was still over a thousand years old, and Yoda talked about being many centuries old. Those things are irrefutably canon. Luke not knowing much about the Jedi Order could easily be attributed to living on a backwater that had never seen much Jedi presence. Seriously, Tatooine was basically the armpit of the galaxy.)
-Signing off.
I think I actually would only have one, maybe two regular entries left, but that'll probably change when that movie comes out.
...Also, "they're real?" People have stopped believing Jedi are real or something in this continuity?
That is so stupid.
(Seriously, there are multiple species with lifespans ranging towards thousands of years, the lifespan in-universe is probably longer, digital media is a fricking thing in the Star Wars universe, and the Jedi Order existed for at least four thousand years as a hugely powerful group of public servants. Even if you discount some of that as probably-not-entirely-canonical material because of the stupid Legends retcon, the Jedi Order was still over a thousand years old, and Yoda talked about being many centuries old. Those things are irrefutably canon. Luke not knowing much about the Jedi Order could easily be attributed to living on a backwater that had never seen much Jedi presence. Seriously, Tatooine was basically the armpit of the galaxy.)
-Signing off.
Friday, October 9, 2015
It Did Take A Bit of Search Refinement
So I was listening to a piece of music I've had for ages (since long before I've had this blog, which is what, going on seven years or so now), and thought "I ought to check and see if it's still floating around on the Internet."
Happy day, it is!
Yes, it's music. The popularity of "Taking the Hobbits to Isengard" validates this as a music genre (though this obviously predates that by quite some time).
-Signing off.
Happy day, it is!
Yes, it's music. The popularity of "Taking the Hobbits to Isengard" validates this as a music genre (though this obviously predates that by quite some time).
-Signing off.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Because It's A Video Game, Dummy
Y'know, I know it's probably for the best not to ask questions about this sort of thing, but...
Why would there be power cells to power a personal shield generator that basically only one person in the galaxy uses sitting around in a base full of people hostile to him? (Also, it's pretty great that the page quote for "personal energy shield" is actually attributed to this game's character.)
For that matter, I'll admit they're actually pretty cool, but why are the elevators in Dark Forces so... so... non-OSHA compliant? Because those things would take off a lot of fingers and probably cause quite a few falls to one's death. (Not to mention the "elevator" that's a giant drill bit that's somehow being spun by invisible forces and raised and lowered via the same invisible forces, which hurts you if you so much as brush against the wrong part of it and requires you to be good at jumping.)
-Signing off.
Why would there be power cells to power a personal shield generator that basically only one person in the galaxy uses sitting around in a base full of people hostile to him? (Also, it's pretty great that the page quote for "personal energy shield" is actually attributed to this game's character.)
For that matter, I'll admit they're actually pretty cool, but why are the elevators in Dark Forces so... so... non-OSHA compliant? Because those things would take off a lot of fingers and probably cause quite a few falls to one's death. (Not to mention the "elevator" that's a giant drill bit that's somehow being spun by invisible forces and raised and lowered via the same invisible forces, which hurts you if you so much as brush against the wrong part of it and requires you to be good at jumping.)
-Signing off.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Dark Forces: The Short Edition
Recently picked up the original Dark Forces for three bucks at GOG.com (it's still on sale at that price as of this writing; if you miss the sale, you'd have to pay another whole three bucks) and noticed something: Kyle Katarn walks like any normal human being would run, and runs like some kind of mutant turbocamel*.
The above is a speedrun that makes me feel a bit pathetic; it took me months to beat the game the first time, and even this time I'm progressing pretty slowly.
Though I'll grant you part of the problem is that I keep getting distracted whenever I see a probe droid, because I really enjoy punching them. (I'd take screenshots, because probe droid punching** is a truly fine pastime, but apparently DosBox keeps me from using the screenshot button properly.)
The other part of the problem is mazey areas that require jumping.
And Anoat City.Screw you, Anoat City.
*On average, from what I've read, camels are as fast or faster than horses. Like, some very fast horses are faster than camels, but a camel at a sustained pace is as fast as the average galloping horse and can sprint a fair bit faster.
**A revision of my estimate of how far probe droids fly when you punch them: They don't go any further than, say, stormtroopers do when you punch them, if you're punching them sideways. You have to get underneath them and punch upwards for the best absurd results, which can send them flying over a hundred in-game feet straight up***.
***Make sure to do it outside. Ceilings are such spoilsports.
-Signing off.
The above is a speedrun that makes me feel a bit pathetic; it took me months to beat the game the first time, and even this time I'm progressing pretty slowly.
Though I'll grant you part of the problem is that I keep getting distracted whenever I see a probe droid, because I really enjoy punching them. (I'd take screenshots, because probe droid punching** is a truly fine pastime, but apparently DosBox keeps me from using the screenshot button properly.)
The other part of the problem is mazey areas that require jumping.
And Anoat City.
*On average, from what I've read, camels are as fast or faster than horses. Like, some very fast horses are faster than camels, but a camel at a sustained pace is as fast as the average galloping horse and can sprint a fair bit faster.
**A revision of my estimate of how far probe droids fly when you punch them: They don't go any further than, say, stormtroopers do when you punch them, if you're punching them sideways. You have to get underneath them and punch upwards for the best absurd results, which can send them flying over a hundred in-game feet straight up***.
***Make sure to do it outside. Ceilings are such spoilsports.
-Signing off.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#148)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Skipped giant [as a generic classification rather than a species, it doesn't belong on this list], two Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas species, and "harrower assassin," which describes a bioengineered weapon created from human Force-sensitives rather than a species.
Also, as you might be able to tell from this article spanning from "d" to "j," this article took forever to find the species for.
This article might be boring because of the sparsity of decent articles to draw from.)
1471. Dyclops. Okay, what do you expect when you read that name?
Do you expect some kind of stupid pun, like a two-headed being whose individual heads have one eye apiece?
If that's what you expected, then congratulations, because that's what we've got!
Rating: 1/5. ...It's not even the first time I've seen this basic pun in the last month or two.
1472. Elespads. Elespads are apparently little cloak-wearing elephant people.
As they were encountered in a particular old Star Wars video game, I'm under the impression they must in fact be dangerous as heck, because apparently in that particular game, virtually everything could instantly kill Luke by gently brushing against him.
Rating: 2/5, because I'm amused by the idea that the harmless-looking elephant guy in the picture is deadlier than a stormtrooper.
1473. Ertraxi. They exist? Probably?
Rating: 1/5.
1474. Gannymedans. This name is one of those names that made me think there must be a typo, but no, it's not even Gannymede, it's Gannymeda.
Weird.
Rating: 1/5. There's literally nothing else about them.
1475. Globlours. "Considered unattractive" by humans, their society is apparently primitive and has primitive people traits.
Rating: 1/5. Meh.
1476. Glothians. ...Anybody here?
*crickets chirp*
Rating: 1/5. That's a lot of 1/5s from near-total lack of content or general stupidity in a row.
1477. Gorach. The Gorach apparently had an empire at some point. Gasp-an actual trait!
Wonder of wonders, we have an idea of what they look like-four-armed fangy alien gorillas-and other information, including a legend that they're immortal unless killed by violence. There must have been a whole lot of violence going on, because the Gorach were virtually extinct at the time of the story featuring them.
The last known individual of the species, an artist (?!), apparently survived the war that felled their empire by several thousand years, living on the Pa'Lowick homeworld and becoming a legendary figure in the minds of the locals. He lived until such time as a Hutt game hunter showed up and killed him for sport.
Rating: 4/5. I am surprised at the awesomeness, to be frank.
1478. Half-Bothans. The half-Bothans would presumably be half-Bothan, half-something-other-than-human, by virtue of the fact that they have satyr legs, which Bothans don't... except that they have more human-looking heads than Bothans are usually depicted as having. (Older art of Bothans actually gives them more human-like appearances, but...) They're also described as "ungulate," which is something Bothans aren't remotely.
Making things more bewildering, the guy who said "all point-eared species are Sephi or related to them" brought it up when asked about half-Bothans. The frick are you even talking about?! The "Sephi unification theory" doesn't make any sense at the best of times, and this is worse than most of the places I've seen the reference.
Rating: 1/5. The sad thing is, I prefer the more-human Bothans and I even prefer the vague possibility of human/Bothan interbreeding... but this doesn't even make sense in that context!
1479. J'feh. J'feh are pink-red octopodes who apparently tend to live in floating water-filled globes.
That's pretty awesome.
Rating: 4/5.
1480. Jashwik. The only known member of this species, Cody Sunn-Childe, apparently speculated that all Jashwik are Force-sensitive.
Cody Sunn-Childe himself certainly qualifies, apparently being magically invulnerable to flames and separating out his violent impulses into monsters (Arbrans, is that you?), which he then reabsorbed to protect others from their rampages, then summoning them again to attack an Imperial assault force, then, uh, doing something that let the Imperials kill him (and a bunch of other people) for the sake of his dedication to pacifism.
...Right then. I'm sure the Imperials got your point on pacifism.
Incidentally, the character design strikes me as a bit racist (again with the racism, huh?)
Rating: 1/5. If I seem a little negative about this article, it's because I am.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Skipped giant [as a generic classification rather than a species, it doesn't belong on this list], two Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas species, and "harrower assassin," which describes a bioengineered weapon created from human Force-sensitives rather than a species.
Also, as you might be able to tell from this article spanning from "d" to "j," this article took forever to find the species for.
This article might be boring because of the sparsity of decent articles to draw from.)
1471. Dyclops. Okay, what do you expect when you read that name?
Do you expect some kind of stupid pun, like a two-headed being whose individual heads have one eye apiece?
If that's what you expected, then congratulations, because that's what we've got!
Rating: 1/5. ...It's not even the first time I've seen this basic pun in the last month or two.
1472. Elespads. Elespads are apparently little cloak-wearing elephant people.
As they were encountered in a particular old Star Wars video game, I'm under the impression they must in fact be dangerous as heck, because apparently in that particular game, virtually everything could instantly kill Luke by gently brushing against him.
Rating: 2/5, because I'm amused by the idea that the harmless-looking elephant guy in the picture is deadlier than a stormtrooper.
1473. Ertraxi. They exist? Probably?
Rating: 1/5.
1474. Gannymedans. This name is one of those names that made me think there must be a typo, but no, it's not even Gan
Weird.
Rating: 1/5. There's literally nothing else about them.
1475. Globlours. "Considered unattractive" by humans, their society is apparently primitive and has primitive people traits.
Rating: 1/5. Meh.
1476. Glothians. ...Anybody here?
*crickets chirp*
Rating: 1/5. That's a lot of 1/5s from near-total lack of content or general stupidity in a row.
1477. Gorach. The Gorach apparently had an empire at some point. Gasp-an actual trait!
Wonder of wonders, we have an idea of what they look like-four-armed fangy alien gorillas-and other information, including a legend that they're immortal unless killed by violence. There must have been a whole lot of violence going on, because the Gorach were virtually extinct at the time of the story featuring them.
The last known individual of the species, an artist (?!), apparently survived the war that felled their empire by several thousand years, living on the Pa'Lowick homeworld and becoming a legendary figure in the minds of the locals. He lived until such time as a Hutt game hunter showed up and killed him for sport.
Rating: 4/5. I am surprised at the awesomeness, to be frank.
1478. Half-Bothans. The half-Bothans would presumably be half-Bothan, half-something-other-than-human, by virtue of the fact that they have satyr legs, which Bothans don't... except that they have more human-looking heads than Bothans are usually depicted as having. (Older art of Bothans actually gives them more human-like appearances, but...) They're also described as "ungulate," which is something Bothans aren't remotely.
Making things more bewildering, the guy who said "all point-eared species are Sephi or related to them" brought it up when asked about half-Bothans. The frick are you even talking about?! The "Sephi unification theory" doesn't make any sense at the best of times, and this is worse than most of the places I've seen the reference.
Rating: 1/5. The sad thing is, I prefer the more-human Bothans and I even prefer the vague possibility of human/Bothan interbreeding... but this doesn't even make sense in that context!
1479. J'feh. J'feh are pink-red octopodes who apparently tend to live in floating water-filled globes.
That's pretty awesome.
Rating: 4/5.
1480. Jashwik. The only known member of this species, Cody Sunn-Childe, apparently speculated that all Jashwik are Force-sensitive.
Cody Sunn-Childe himself certainly qualifies, apparently being magically invulnerable to flames and separating out his violent impulses into monsters (Arbrans, is that you?), which he then reabsorbed to protect others from their rampages, then summoning them again to attack an Imperial assault force, then, uh, doing something that let the Imperials kill him (and a bunch of other people) for the sake of his dedication to pacifism.
...Right then. I'm sure the Imperials got your point on pacifism.
Incidentally, the character design strikes me as a bit racist (again with the racism, huh?)
Rating: 1/5. If I seem a little negative about this article, it's because I am.
-Signing off.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#147)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
1461. Ciasi. The Ciasi have a vaguely tusked shrewish look to them, although they're rather slimmer than most shrews.
The most interesting thing about them is that their representative member apparently came from Tund, homeworld of the Sorcerers of Tund (a distinct offshoot of the Sith order who also happened to be among the last pureblooded Sith) and adopted home of the Toongs. Seeing as how Tund was rendered into an eternally dead wasteland by Rokur Gepta (probably, anyway-there's like, a single sentence in the relevant story that hints that Rokur Gepta might have been a little too confident in his own abilities and that at least some of the other Sorcerers of Tund may have survived), one hopes that it wasn't the species' homeworld, or that'll be a third possibly dead people associated with Tund's depopulation.
Perhaps the most interesting sentence of the article:
Ciasi could be found with gray-colored skin and could grow prominent tusks.
If only because it acknowledges that these things might not be universal features and that a species can have significant variation. I must approve of that, anyway.
Rating: 3/5. Eh, not especially interesting all in all, but the minor connections to other things elevates it a bit.
1462. Colony creature(s). The colony creature(s) is/are yet another sapient inhabitant(s) of Dac, the Mon Calamari homeworld, which has more indigenous sapient species than perhaps any world but Endor (which is saying something).
The colony creature(s) may be a sort of bacterial quorum, as it's described as the collective of many billions of individual cells, or perhaps is analogous to a slime mold. It/they was/were able to telepathically influence several groups of dianogas (?!) to attack some people that disturbed it during the Clone Wars, but then-Captain Gial "It's a trap!" Ackbar negotiated a deal with it that protected it in exchange for it using its telepathy to track Separatist intruders on Dac.
In ways, the colony creature(s) is almost too similar to the Knowledge Bank. This usually wouldn't bother me, but the Knowledge Bank is also native to Dac! (Told you that place had a lot of native species; eight all told, unless Wookieepedia missed some.) But I think I can forgive it, because the Knowledge Bank is awesome and so is this.
Rating: 4/5.
1463. Coral-monks. Despite an intriguing name, we know basically nothing of the coral-monks.
Rating: 2/5 for the name, even if it doesn't sound like a species name to me.
1464. Crast. The Crast are also known as food-kin. They exist in a symbiotic relationship with the Priapulins, wherein they must be eaten by Priapulins to complete their reproductive cycles (if I recall the original context correctly-Wookieepedia drops the ball a bit and merely states that their eggs must incubate in the Priapulin digestive tract, but it's very strongly implied that the food-kin can't actually lay their eggs).
Thus, Priapulins raise and nurture Crast, who likely see the much larger and longer-lived creatures as somewhere between parents and deities. That's a complicated symbiosis right there, made a touch more unsettling by the fact that the Crast are capable of communication and reasoning but don't seem nearly as bright as the unambiguously human-equivalent-intelligence Priapulin.
Rating: 3/5. I like the Priapulins and rated them well; these guys would probably have pushed them up a notch through their complicating the Priapulins (which would have made them a 5/5, natch) if I'd remembered to talk about them before. (Glad this article exists; otherwise I'd have forgotten them entirely!)
1465. Culroon. These guys exist entirely for the sake of the backstory of some Imperial officer I don't care about. All we know of them is that they 1) have a long history of violence (big surprise, that) and also 2) don't have a traditional ceremony wherein their leader symbolically turns over a weapon in a big ol' ceremony to show that he's surrendering.
Rating: 1/5. Meh.
1466. Dactrurians. A well-known actor was a Dactrurian.
Rating: 1/5. Double meh.
1467. Dargas. The Dargas were blue-skinned and red-eyed descendants of humans mutated by a local radioactive material.
Wait, blue-skinned and red-eyed? Do we have another Chiss-alike here?
It's hard to tell if this was purposeful or not, because the Dargas were created for a(n ambiguously canonical) French roleplaying magazine, and were published in 1994, three years after the original publication of Heir to the Empire, Thrawn's first appearance. I don't know if the novel would have been published in French yet, or how much precisely that matters.
Interestingly, their homeworld has banthas which they domesticated; that makes their heavily desertified homeworld Zender basically a red version of Tatooine.
Rating: 2/5, because the apparent urge to have a red Tatooine is funny.
1468. Del Andue. Supposedly "strange-looking," but we'll never know because they were written out of the early drafts of Return of the Jedi before it was filmed.
Rating: 1/5. Eh.
1469. Deltrons. Deltrons have a long list of features-"a torso, lungs, a heart, a lipped mouth, and iron-based blood"-which initially sound interesting until you realize these are things they have precisely in common with humans.
"At least one individual" (thank you, less obnoxious wording!), Brisha Shard (which is a great name) had golden skin and "bronzium-colored" eyes (just say bronze, guys, bronze is a color too), which sounds like a potentially interesting color scheme.
Most interesting, however, is that they were apparently created for a prequel to a 1979 Marvel comics story written by Chris Claremont (of "first guy to write decent X-Men stories" fame)!
That is bizarrely specific.
Rating: 2/5 for the interesting color scheme.
1470. Dirconites. ...That guy, huh? That guy. You had to make that guy an alien, as opposed to an ugly, fat human?
Sorry, got away from myself for a moment there.
There was this ugly fat guy in the Droids cartoon, and somebody decided, because he was ugly and fat and had what some people interpreted as yellowish skin, that he was an alien.
STOP THAT, YOU GUYS.
This is not the first time or even the second time this nonsense (that is, real-world racism) has intruded on things; heck, it's not even the first time it's intruded on the Droids cartoon specifically.
Rating: 0/5. Frickin' racism.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
1461. Ciasi. The Ciasi have a vaguely tusked shrewish look to them, although they're rather slimmer than most shrews.
The most interesting thing about them is that their representative member apparently came from Tund, homeworld of the Sorcerers of Tund (a distinct offshoot of the Sith order who also happened to be among the last pureblooded Sith) and adopted home of the Toongs. Seeing as how Tund was rendered into an eternally dead wasteland by Rokur Gepta (probably, anyway-there's like, a single sentence in the relevant story that hints that Rokur Gepta might have been a little too confident in his own abilities and that at least some of the other Sorcerers of Tund may have survived), one hopes that it wasn't the species' homeworld, or that'll be a third possibly dead people associated with Tund's depopulation.
Perhaps the most interesting sentence of the article:
Ciasi could be found with gray-colored skin and could grow prominent tusks.
If only because it acknowledges that these things might not be universal features and that a species can have significant variation. I must approve of that, anyway.
Rating: 3/5. Eh, not especially interesting all in all, but the minor connections to other things elevates it a bit.
1462. Colony creature(s). The colony creature(s) is/are yet another sapient inhabitant(s) of Dac, the Mon Calamari homeworld, which has more indigenous sapient species than perhaps any world but Endor (which is saying something).
The colony creature(s) may be a sort of bacterial quorum, as it's described as the collective of many billions of individual cells, or perhaps is analogous to a slime mold. It/they was/were able to telepathically influence several groups of dianogas (?!) to attack some people that disturbed it during the Clone Wars, but then-Captain Gial "It's a trap!" Ackbar negotiated a deal with it that protected it in exchange for it using its telepathy to track Separatist intruders on Dac.
In ways, the colony creature(s) is almost too similar to the Knowledge Bank. This usually wouldn't bother me, but the Knowledge Bank is also native to Dac! (Told you that place had a lot of native species; eight all told, unless Wookieepedia missed some.) But I think I can forgive it, because the Knowledge Bank is awesome and so is this.
Rating: 4/5.
1463. Coral-monks. Despite an intriguing name, we know basically nothing of the coral-monks.
Rating: 2/5 for the name, even if it doesn't sound like a species name to me.
1464. Crast. The Crast are also known as food-kin. They exist in a symbiotic relationship with the Priapulins, wherein they must be eaten by Priapulins to complete their reproductive cycles (if I recall the original context correctly-Wookieepedia drops the ball a bit and merely states that their eggs must incubate in the Priapulin digestive tract, but it's very strongly implied that the food-kin can't actually lay their eggs).
Thus, Priapulins raise and nurture Crast, who likely see the much larger and longer-lived creatures as somewhere between parents and deities. That's a complicated symbiosis right there, made a touch more unsettling by the fact that the Crast are capable of communication and reasoning but don't seem nearly as bright as the unambiguously human-equivalent-intelligence Priapulin.
Rating: 3/5. I like the Priapulins and rated them well; these guys would probably have pushed them up a notch through their complicating the Priapulins (which would have made them a 5/5, natch) if I'd remembered to talk about them before. (Glad this article exists; otherwise I'd have forgotten them entirely!)
1465. Culroon. These guys exist entirely for the sake of the backstory of some Imperial officer I don't care about. All we know of them is that they 1) have a long history of violence (big surprise, that) and also 2) don't have a traditional ceremony wherein their leader symbolically turns over a weapon in a big ol' ceremony to show that he's surrendering.
Rating: 1/5. Meh.
1466. Dactrurians. A well-known actor was a Dactrurian.
Rating: 1/5. Double meh.
1467. Dargas. The Dargas were blue-skinned and red-eyed descendants of humans mutated by a local radioactive material.
Wait, blue-skinned and red-eyed? Do we have another Chiss-alike here?
It's hard to tell if this was purposeful or not, because the Dargas were created for a(n ambiguously canonical) French roleplaying magazine, and were published in 1994, three years after the original publication of Heir to the Empire, Thrawn's first appearance. I don't know if the novel would have been published in French yet, or how much precisely that matters.
Interestingly, their homeworld has banthas which they domesticated; that makes their heavily desertified homeworld Zender basically a red version of Tatooine.
Rating: 2/5, because the apparent urge to have a red Tatooine is funny.
1468. Del Andue. Supposedly "strange-looking," but we'll never know because they were written out of the early drafts of Return of the Jedi before it was filmed.
Rating: 1/5. Eh.
1469. Deltrons. Deltrons have a long list of features-"a torso, lungs, a heart, a lipped mouth, and iron-based blood"-which initially sound interesting until you realize these are things they have precisely in common with humans.
"At least one individual" (thank you, less obnoxious wording!), Brisha Shard (which is a great name) had golden skin and "bronzium-colored" eyes (just say bronze, guys, bronze is a color too), which sounds like a potentially interesting color scheme.
Most interesting, however, is that they were apparently created for a prequel to a 1979 Marvel comics story written by Chris Claremont (of "first guy to write decent X-Men stories" fame)!
That is bizarrely specific.
Rating: 2/5 for the interesting color scheme.
1470. Dirconites. ...That guy, huh? That guy. You had to make that guy an alien, as opposed to an ugly, fat human?
Sorry, got away from myself for a moment there.
There was this ugly fat guy in the Droids cartoon, and somebody decided, because he was ugly and fat and had what some people interpreted as yellowish skin, that he was an alien.
STOP THAT, YOU GUYS.
This is not the first time or even the second time this nonsense (that is, real-world racism) has intruded on things; heck, it's not even the first time it's intruded on the Droids cartoon specifically.
Rating: 0/5. Frickin' racism.
-Signing off.
Friday, March 20, 2015
And Then He Turned Into A Flippin' Shark
(Unfortunately, I just didn't have the energy for a proper Guide post tonight, so here we are, something totally (and bizarrely) different, but sorta related.)
Why were the old Star Wars sidescrolling games so darned weird?
Maybe that's a bit unfair. Surely this is a faithful adaptation of that time that Luke Skywalker fought the Lava Beast Jawenko in the belly of the Jawa sandcrawler?
Wait, you're telling me that didn't happen in the movies? Surely you jest!
No, of course that didn't happen. And don't get me started on the paradropping stormtroopers that this game had swarming in Mos Eisley. (Odder still for me is that in every one of these games that corresponds to ANH, Luke actually steals R2-D2 from the Jawas! And when I say "steals," I'm talking armed robbery with an often double-digit body count.)
What about the time the wampa turned into a disembodied iceblast-spewing demon?
No, that doesn't seem right either.
The time Jabba the Hutt's torture droid attacked an Ewok tree village?
I'm beginning to get the idea that the game programmers only had the vaguest notion of what the movies were like.
Then there was that time that Darth Vader turned into a shark.
Officially, that's not what happened, but the official explanation-that this creature and his other "fake Vader" compatriots were manifestations of Luke Skywalker's fears-actually makes a lot less sense.
(Though I do really appreciate that the shark Vader battle took place on Iskalon, homeworld of the oft-mentioned Iskalonian school. That's a bit of cross-continuity between an obscure Japanese game and an obscure American comic book I'd not have expected.)
One last one: Apparently Obi-Wan Kenobi lives in a cave patrolled by giant flies and this rather demonic robot (who attacks by exploding his chest to fire projectiles) who guards the exit.
Considering the competition, it's impressive that this game almost manages to be the weirdest one. (The shark thing just edges it out.)
-Signing off.
Why were the old Star Wars sidescrolling games so darned weird?
Maybe that's a bit unfair. Surely this is a faithful adaptation of that time that Luke Skywalker fought the Lava Beast Jawenko in the belly of the Jawa sandcrawler?
Wait, you're telling me that didn't happen in the movies? Surely you jest!
No, of course that didn't happen. And don't get me started on the paradropping stormtroopers that this game had swarming in Mos Eisley. (Odder still for me is that in every one of these games that corresponds to ANH, Luke actually steals R2-D2 from the Jawas! And when I say "steals," I'm talking armed robbery with an often double-digit body count.)
What about the time the wampa turned into a disembodied iceblast-spewing demon?
No, that doesn't seem right either.
The time Jabba the Hutt's torture droid attacked an Ewok tree village?
I'm beginning to get the idea that the game programmers only had the vaguest notion of what the movies were like.
Then there was that time that Darth Vader turned into a shark.
Officially, that's not what happened, but the official explanation-that this creature and his other "fake Vader" compatriots were manifestations of Luke Skywalker's fears-actually makes a lot less sense.
(Though I do really appreciate that the shark Vader battle took place on Iskalon, homeworld of the oft-mentioned Iskalonian school. That's a bit of cross-continuity between an obscure Japanese game and an obscure American comic book I'd not have expected.)
One last one: Apparently Obi-Wan Kenobi lives in a cave patrolled by giant flies and this rather demonic robot (who attacks by exploding his chest to fire projectiles) who guards the exit.
Considering the competition, it's impressive that this game almost manages to be the weirdest one. (The shark thing just edges it out.)
-Signing off.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#146)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(A good long while back I did "Balmasian" but turns out it was "Bamasian." But the link is correct. Huh.)
1451. Arakhyn. The Arakhyn are pretty big fellas, standing taller than most tall humans, and the art of them is a bit sketchy but kind of interesting, if also sorta generic. (Amazing how that can happen.)
Most of the information on them surrounds their behavior and culture-they are "instinctive and relentless" hunters, their male youths are abandoned on hostile planets as a sort of coming of age ceremony-if they successfully survive, kill hostile entities, and then escape, they can be adults.
...This is actually kind of odd to think about, because when I read "hostile planet" I kind of assume some kind of wild jungle or desert business empty of civilization, but them escaping would seem to imply that these planets would have to be inhabited so that they could steal local spacecraft. Which is kind of a hilarious (and disturbing) thought-they dump their kids on some planet with only one or two little spaceports, and expect them to trek across a continent to the spaceport or something. (I think I've read that novel series.)
Anyway, they apparently speak in growls and implicitly need translators to speak English/Basic.
They supposedly seek the "biggest prey" in the galaxy to hunt; their entry also notes that they don't always "measure the danger they face" and attack the biggest threat without heed; I kind of think that they must be measuring it pretty well if they're after the "biggest prey" and always attacking the most serious threats.
They are described as "mythical lone hunters" who may tolerate valorous humanoids as allies for the sake of greater exploits.
Rating: 3/5. Considering the general sketchiness, I really like these guys.
1452. Assorhians. The Assorhians are natives of Assorhan (...) and rule the Assorhian Kingdom (...), and are divided into two races, the black-skinned Osoppohans (rulers) and the white-skinned Asoppohans (slaves).
Subtle.
Rating: 1/5.
1453. Atoan. Okay, this is kind of a weird one.
Atoan look like humans, but have a language other than English/Basic that they speak (an Atoan character claimed she'd learned Basic by cutting out and eating the tongue of a stormtrooper [!!!] in some kind of ritual) and a significant anatomical difference in that, instead of one central heart, they have many tiny blood-pumps throughout their bodies.
They're also cross-fertile with humans. ...What.
Rating: 2/5. Actually, this is because of the bizarreness of the tongue-eating. Disturbing as it is, the concept appeals to me in a fictional context, and it actually matches up more with how human cannibalism usually occurs in traditional cultures-it's thought of as a way to steal the skills, strength, and knowledge of one's enemies.
1454. B'nishi. Native to B'nish.
Rating: 1/5.
1455. Bah'r Kilido. They have pink skin and grow horns from their noses (like, where their nostrils should be) and chins.
"Where their nostrils should be" is precisely how the matter is described, by the way.
The one known individual, Suppoon, was a crime boss who committed numerous atrocities in his previous job as a planetary governor under an assumed name; unfortunately for him, his past caught up with him when Jabba revealed his other identity to a guy who was working as muscle for Suppoon, who had grown up on that planet and had watched his parents die in a riot that Suppoon had caused.
Suppoon turned a gun on the guy, but it turns out that shooting a dude whose armor is heavy enough to smother a grenade by hugging it isn't especially effective, and apparently the guy's armor was also reflective, so this had rather predictable results, that being decapitation by his own weapons fire.
Rating: 1/5. While that's an amusing story,he has horns where nostrils should be the actual species isn't that interesting.
1456. Bedlam spirits. The Bedlam spirits (native to a planet named Bedlam-a bit on the nose there) are one of the most bizarre and whimsical things in Star Wars, being nigh-omnipotent entities from an early Alan Moore story (that's always the way with the very oddest things in early Star Wars) that had power over time, space, energy, matter, and life and death. One of them "playfully" killed a number of characters (this is slightly excused by her believing she'd created them by accident, being a bit dim), including Princess Leia (!), whilst warping reality, and then tasked one of their members, Splendid Ap, with cleaning up the mess, restoring the victims to life. He did, but because he didn't properly understand linear time, the poor bunch of Imperial soldiers he brought back to life ended up sometime in the distant past, leading to Leia discovering their skeletal remains nearby when she regained consciousness.
Other than the awe-inspiring Splendid Ap, other Bedlam spirits go by the names Tilotny, Horliss-Horliss, and Cold Danda Sine.
Rating: 4/5. It's mostly Spendid Ap, but these are almost definitely my favorite Alan Moore creations in all of Star Wars.
1457. Bivall. The Bivall are clam-headed aliens (oy) native to the planet Protobranch (which is a great name for a planet).
I'm a little torn. On the one hand, I like the idea of clam-headed aliens. On the other hand, these guys are a bit too derpy.
Then again, one of them was a research scientist who was involved with the Zillo Beast plotline, which was basically "Godzilla on Coruscant." ...Eh.
Rating: 2/5. The Zillo Beast association won't save you from a low score, you disappointing clam-heads.
1458. Botori. Bears from Botor.
Rating: 1/5. Sounds like a rock band.
1459. Chalactans. The Chalactans are near-humans who look somewhat like and have vague cultural associations with Asian Indians. That's a bit tasteless (calling them an alien species, that is).
Anyway, they contributed a lot of Jedi Masters to a certain era (at least four), and while most of them have oddball pseudo-foreign/slightly alien names, one of them is known only by the name Simms.
Simms.
I don't know, that amuses me.
Rating: 1/5.
1460. Chekut. They opportunistically invaded somebody else's planet at some point.
Rating: 1/5. And I don't care.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(A good long while back I did "Balmasian" but turns out it was "Bamasian." But the link is correct. Huh.)
1451. Arakhyn. The Arakhyn are pretty big fellas, standing taller than most tall humans, and the art of them is a bit sketchy but kind of interesting, if also sorta generic. (Amazing how that can happen.)
Most of the information on them surrounds their behavior and culture-they are "instinctive and relentless" hunters, their male youths are abandoned on hostile planets as a sort of coming of age ceremony-if they successfully survive, kill hostile entities, and then escape, they can be adults.
...This is actually kind of odd to think about, because when I read "hostile planet" I kind of assume some kind of wild jungle or desert business empty of civilization, but them escaping would seem to imply that these planets would have to be inhabited so that they could steal local spacecraft. Which is kind of a hilarious (and disturbing) thought-they dump their kids on some planet with only one or two little spaceports, and expect them to trek across a continent to the spaceport or something. (I think I've read that novel series.)
Anyway, they apparently speak in growls and implicitly need translators to speak English/Basic.
They supposedly seek the "biggest prey" in the galaxy to hunt; their entry also notes that they don't always "measure the danger they face" and attack the biggest threat without heed; I kind of think that they must be measuring it pretty well if they're after the "biggest prey" and always attacking the most serious threats.
They are described as "mythical lone hunters" who may tolerate valorous humanoids as allies for the sake of greater exploits.
Rating: 3/5. Considering the general sketchiness, I really like these guys.
1452. Assorhians. The Assorhians are natives of Assorhan (...) and rule the Assorhian Kingdom (...), and are divided into two races, the black-skinned Osoppohans (rulers) and the white-skinned Asoppohans (slaves).
Subtle.
Rating: 1/5.
1453. Atoan. Okay, this is kind of a weird one.
Atoan look like humans, but have a language other than English/Basic that they speak (an Atoan character claimed she'd learned Basic by cutting out and eating the tongue of a stormtrooper [!!!] in some kind of ritual) and a significant anatomical difference in that, instead of one central heart, they have many tiny blood-pumps throughout their bodies.
They're also cross-fertile with humans. ...What.
Rating: 2/5. Actually, this is because of the bizarreness of the tongue-eating. Disturbing as it is, the concept appeals to me in a fictional context, and it actually matches up more with how human cannibalism usually occurs in traditional cultures-it's thought of as a way to steal the skills, strength, and knowledge of one's enemies.
1454. B'nishi. Native to B'nish.
Rating: 1/5.
1455. Bah'r Kilido. They have pink skin and grow horns from their noses (like, where their nostrils should be) and chins.
"Where their nostrils should be" is precisely how the matter is described, by the way.
The one known individual, Suppoon, was a crime boss who committed numerous atrocities in his previous job as a planetary governor under an assumed name; unfortunately for him, his past caught up with him when Jabba revealed his other identity to a guy who was working as muscle for Suppoon, who had grown up on that planet and had watched his parents die in a riot that Suppoon had caused.
Suppoon turned a gun on the guy, but it turns out that shooting a dude whose armor is heavy enough to smother a grenade by hugging it isn't especially effective, and apparently the guy's armor was also reflective, so this had rather predictable results, that being decapitation by his own weapons fire.
Rating: 1/5. While that's an amusing story,
1456. Bedlam spirits. The Bedlam spirits (native to a planet named Bedlam-a bit on the nose there) are one of the most bizarre and whimsical things in Star Wars, being nigh-omnipotent entities from an early Alan Moore story (that's always the way with the very oddest things in early Star Wars) that had power over time, space, energy, matter, and life and death. One of them "playfully" killed a number of characters (this is slightly excused by her believing she'd created them by accident, being a bit dim), including Princess Leia (!), whilst warping reality, and then tasked one of their members, Splendid Ap, with cleaning up the mess, restoring the victims to life. He did, but because he didn't properly understand linear time, the poor bunch of Imperial soldiers he brought back to life ended up sometime in the distant past, leading to Leia discovering their skeletal remains nearby when she regained consciousness.
Other than the awe-inspiring Splendid Ap, other Bedlam spirits go by the names Tilotny, Horliss-Horliss, and Cold Danda Sine.
Rating: 4/5. It's mostly Spendid Ap, but these are almost definitely my favorite Alan Moore creations in all of Star Wars.
1457. Bivall. The Bivall are clam-headed aliens (oy) native to the planet Protobranch (which is a great name for a planet).
I'm a little torn. On the one hand, I like the idea of clam-headed aliens. On the other hand, these guys are a bit too derpy.
Then again, one of them was a research scientist who was involved with the Zillo Beast plotline, which was basically "Godzilla on Coruscant." ...Eh.
Rating: 2/5. The Zillo Beast association won't save you from a low score, you disappointing clam-heads.
1458. Botori. Bears from Botor.
Rating: 1/5. Sounds like a rock band.
1459. Chalactans. The Chalactans are near-humans who look somewhat like and have vague cultural associations with Asian Indians. That's a bit tasteless (calling them an alien species, that is).
Anyway, they contributed a lot of Jedi Masters to a certain era (at least four), and while most of them have oddball pseudo-foreign/slightly alien names, one of them is known only by the name Simms.
Simms.
I don't know, that amuses me.
Rating: 1/5.
1460. Chekut. They opportunistically invaded somebody else's planet at some point.
Rating: 1/5. And I don't care.
-Signing off.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#145)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Excluded "water creature" because of reasons.
Obviously, it's been a bit since I last did one of these, but I have a good reason: Finding pages is going to be harder, since I now need to sift through list pages and figure out if there are entries I haven't done before. ...I have no idea how long this is going to take.)
1441. Vengnar Heiff's species. Described as reptiloid and apparently being from an icy planet (interesting), Vengnar Heiff rather typically had green skin and large claws, and was a nasty torturer.
Rating: 2/5 for being a reptile-like species from a cold world.
1442. Verhandle's species. They're pretty typical stone-faced aliens (from which I get the impression of being big and tall). But not in a bad way.
Verhandle himself is some kind of crime lord.
Rating: 2/5. Just some neat-looking aliens with no other particular characteristics of note.
1443. Verig natives. Verig natives apparently use bolas to hunt elephant-like animals, which inspired some Rebel to come up with the harpooning tactic used to trip up the AT-AT walkers during the Battle of Hoth.
...I don't know whether that's sad, awesome, hilarious, or all three.
Rating: 1/5. Eh.
1444. Voe Atell's species. The species superficially resembles the Zabraks, being near-humans without hair and with horns and different skin tones.
The known member of the species, Voe Atell, was a member of the Confederacy of Independent Systems' Parliament.
Rating: 2/5. I like the look, but it's just kind of a placeholder. I considered knocking it back down to 1/5 because that basic design concept feels like it's shown up more than once, but I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt.
1445. Voegliss's species. Voegliss's species is apparently predatory, with appropriate adaptations to some degree, and with a red carapace of some sort.
Very little is known of this species not only in the context of real-world knowledge of this fictional species, but in-universe knowledge of them is scarce as well-apparently they aren't known to the wider galaxy. There are only three known individuals, Voegliss and two others who presumably were his parents; some group on an expedition to some unnamed world encountered this pair of hostile unknown aliens, and ended up killing them; they found Voegliss as a baby nearby. The expedition's leader adopted Voegliss as his son (...I hope baby Voegliss wasn't being misgendered, or it's possible he's in for a rude shock if he ever reunites with his own kind...) until he was fifteen, at which point he was forcibly recruited by the Imperial army into some form of commando unit or assassin corps. When I say "forcibly recruited," he apparently killed fourteen men before they subdued him.
He eventually became a willing member of whatever it was he was doing, though he wanted to be reunited with his father and regain some degree of independence.
Incidentally, this character is from an RPG supplement. Kudos to whoever wrote it, because that's a fascinating character sketch.
Too bad there's no confirmed picture, though there's a picture that might depict the individual; unfortunately, it's not to be found on Wookieepedia that I can tell.
Rating: 3/5 on the strength of the character sketch.
1446. Vojak's species. This species' known member is a big purple essentially human being. He wanted revenge on the bounty hunter droid C-3PX for killing his brother.
C-3PX killed him.
The story sounded familiar to me, and so I doublechecked to make sure I wasn't repeating anything, and then I discovered that Feleen Bantillian's species was what I was thinking of-except that it was Boba Fett that they were trying and failing for revenge on. Except that the other story was much more off-the-wall (one of the individuals seeking revenge was a brain in a jar), so... eh.
Rating: 1/5.
1447. Yoda's species. Yoda's species is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an editorial policy from George Lucas's fiat that declares that there should never be information on what the species is named, where they come from, or any of their history. In fact, there was a point where Lucasfilm discouraged even the implication that Yoda was a proper member of a species, though as there are now at least five named members (one of whom was originally intended to be Yoda but was retconned into not being Yoda), all of whom were Jedi (only one of which was not specifically a Jedi Master-Minch, AKA not-Yoda, was intended to be Yoda as an apprentice, and thus he may still could have become a Master at some point in the future).
People want to believe that Yoda's species is the same as the Whills, but there's no evidence that the Whills are actually a species, despite their categorization on Wookieepedia.
The only thing George Lucas has ever said about Yoda's heritage is that he's "a frog" and that he's Kermit the Frog's and Miss Piggy's illegitimate child.
I don't think that should be taken especially seriously.
Rating: 4/5, because Yoda is an essentially perfect execution of a great concept, the tiny, quirky-to-the-edge-of-incomprehensible master of something or other. (The only member of the archetype that even compares to Yoda is probably Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda.) The only reason I took a point off is because there really isn't enough information to judge the species itself, since all five known individuals are indisputably Jedi and four of these characters are heavily based directly on Yoda (and two of them would be virtually indistinguishable from him in a crowd).
1448. Yorgraxx species. A Sith Lord enslaved them and made them build him a fortress, which led to their extinction.
Incidentally, said Sith Lord used Sith alchemy to create a flying winged rancor subspecies/species called coloi. That's amazing.
Rating: 1/5. Boy, there were a lot of guys enslaved to build things who then went extinct in the Star Wars galaxy's history, weren't there?
1449. Aeropteryx. Poor Aeropteryx. They have wings but can't fly, and apparently all have bad vision so they all need glasses (!). I find the latter a bit dubious, but whatever.
Rating: 2/5, if only because of the amusing mental image of some bird wearing glasses.
1450. Anacondans. I could have sworn I covered these guys once already, but apparently I was imagining it?
Anyway, they're pleasantly ugly snake guys. One of the known individuals had no problems with eating the corpse of some dude he betrayed, but said dude turned out to still be alive, and killed him for being a jerk.
The other known individual was a bartender.
Rating: 3/5. I like how they look, simple as that.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Excluded "water creature" because of reasons.
Obviously, it's been a bit since I last did one of these, but I have a good reason: Finding pages is going to be harder, since I now need to sift through list pages and figure out if there are entries I haven't done before. ...I have no idea how long this is going to take.)
1441. Vengnar Heiff's species. Described as reptiloid and apparently being from an icy planet (interesting), Vengnar Heiff rather typically had green skin and large claws, and was a nasty torturer.
Rating: 2/5 for being a reptile-like species from a cold world.
1442. Verhandle's species. They're pretty typical stone-faced aliens (from which I get the impression of being big and tall). But not in a bad way.
Verhandle himself is some kind of crime lord.
Rating: 2/5. Just some neat-looking aliens with no other particular characteristics of note.
1443. Verig natives. Verig natives apparently use bolas to hunt elephant-like animals, which inspired some Rebel to come up with the harpooning tactic used to trip up the AT-AT walkers during the Battle of Hoth.
...I don't know whether that's sad, awesome, hilarious, or all three.
Rating: 1/5. Eh.
1444. Voe Atell's species. The species superficially resembles the Zabraks, being near-humans without hair and with horns and different skin tones.
The known member of the species, Voe Atell, was a member of the Confederacy of Independent Systems' Parliament.
Rating: 2/5. I like the look, but it's just kind of a placeholder. I considered knocking it back down to 1/5 because that basic design concept feels like it's shown up more than once, but I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt.
1445. Voegliss's species. Voegliss's species is apparently predatory, with appropriate adaptations to some degree, and with a red carapace of some sort.
Very little is known of this species not only in the context of real-world knowledge of this fictional species, but in-universe knowledge of them is scarce as well-apparently they aren't known to the wider galaxy. There are only three known individuals, Voegliss and two others who presumably were his parents; some group on an expedition to some unnamed world encountered this pair of hostile unknown aliens, and ended up killing them; they found Voegliss as a baby nearby. The expedition's leader adopted Voegliss as his son (...I hope baby Voegliss wasn't being misgendered, or it's possible he's in for a rude shock if he ever reunites with his own kind...) until he was fifteen, at which point he was forcibly recruited by the Imperial army into some form of commando unit or assassin corps. When I say "forcibly recruited," he apparently killed fourteen men before they subdued him.
He eventually became a willing member of whatever it was he was doing, though he wanted to be reunited with his father and regain some degree of independence.
Incidentally, this character is from an RPG supplement. Kudos to whoever wrote it, because that's a fascinating character sketch.
Too bad there's no confirmed picture, though there's a picture that might depict the individual; unfortunately, it's not to be found on Wookieepedia that I can tell.
Rating: 3/5 on the strength of the character sketch.
1446. Vojak's species. This species' known member is a big purple essentially human being. He wanted revenge on the bounty hunter droid C-3PX for killing his brother.
C-3PX killed him.
The story sounded familiar to me, and so I doublechecked to make sure I wasn't repeating anything, and then I discovered that Feleen Bantillian's species was what I was thinking of-except that it was Boba Fett that they were trying and failing for revenge on. Except that the other story was much more off-the-wall (one of the individuals seeking revenge was a brain in a jar), so... eh.
Rating: 1/5.
1447. Yoda's species. Yoda's species is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an editorial policy from George Lucas's fiat that declares that there should never be information on what the species is named, where they come from, or any of their history. In fact, there was a point where Lucasfilm discouraged even the implication that Yoda was a proper member of a species, though as there are now at least five named members (one of whom was originally intended to be Yoda but was retconned into not being Yoda), all of whom were Jedi (only one of which was not specifically a Jedi Master-Minch, AKA not-Yoda, was intended to be Yoda as an apprentice, and thus he may still could have become a Master at some point in the future).
People want to believe that Yoda's species is the same as the Whills, but there's no evidence that the Whills are actually a species, despite their categorization on Wookieepedia.
The only thing George Lucas has ever said about Yoda's heritage is that he's "a frog" and that he's Kermit the Frog's and Miss Piggy's illegitimate child.
I don't think that should be taken especially seriously.
Rating: 4/5, because Yoda is an essentially perfect execution of a great concept, the tiny, quirky-to-the-edge-of-incomprehensible master of something or other. (The only member of the archetype that even compares to Yoda is probably Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda.) The only reason I took a point off is because there really isn't enough information to judge the species itself, since all five known individuals are indisputably Jedi and four of these characters are heavily based directly on Yoda (and two of them would be virtually indistinguishable from him in a crowd).
1448. Yorgraxx species. A Sith Lord enslaved them and made them build him a fortress, which led to their extinction.
Incidentally, said Sith Lord used Sith alchemy to create a flying winged rancor subspecies/species called coloi. That's amazing.
Rating: 1/5. Boy, there were a lot of guys enslaved to build things who then went extinct in the Star Wars galaxy's history, weren't there?
1449. Aeropteryx. Poor Aeropteryx. They have wings but can't fly, and apparently all have bad vision so they all need glasses (!). I find the latter a bit dubious, but whatever.
Rating: 2/5, if only because of the amusing mental image of some bird wearing glasses.
1450. Anacondans. I could have sworn I covered these guys once already, but apparently I was imagining it?
Anyway, they're pleasantly ugly snake guys. One of the known individuals had no problems with eating the corpse of some dude he betrayed, but said dude turned out to still be alive, and killed him for being a jerk.
The other known individual was a bartender.
Rating: 3/5. I like how they look, simple as that.
-Signing off.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#144)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
1431. Unidentified tree-like species. This speciesinvaded colonized the planet Karra at some point. The Karrans, who are large and nearly hive-minded insectivores, were "insulted" by the species' intrusion on their planet and wiped the colonists out.
Moral of the story: Don't screw with giant psychic rats.
Rating: 2/5, mainly because of the thought of a bunch of trees invading a place; it's amusing.
1432. Unidentified Underworld species. These guys live in Coruscant's underworld, that is, the area way down around the bases of those immense skyscrapers that are normally all we can see of the place. It should be noted that Coruscant has an extensive urbanized ecosystem and that a number of inhabitant species of it are believed to have had time to evolve to suit it.
They apparently have wings and green fangs, and supposedly revere Wookiees; I'd suppose that apparent reverence could just as easily be extreme respect for big guys who are strong enough to fight way outside their already heavy weight classes (as I've noted in an older post, Wookiees can physically trounce guys that are a lot bigger than they are). One of their customs is exchanging gifts with new-met strangers to prove a lack of ill will towards them; if you reject this, they'll want to kill you. ...Okay then.
Rating: 1/5. Eh, there's nothing especially jumping out at me, and even though I often like random collections of features these ones don't have anything about them that elevates them beyond being just a generic such.
1433. Unidentified UR41-284 species. UR41-284 is their homeworld; Grand Admiral Thrawn apparently had "everything within seventy kilometers of their museum district" destroyed in response to them resisting the Empire under his command.
So, like, their whole planet had exactly one museum district? Huh.
Rating: 1/5.
1434. Unidentified Usk species. This species' homeworld, Usk, was part of Hutt Space since the time of Xim the Despot or earlier, i.e. 25,000-plus years before the era of the movies, and they were slaves of the Hutts. They eventually went extinct, and their name was forgotten by the rest of the galaxy.
Ouch.
Rating: 1/5. I'd give them a sympathy point, but honestly they're too much of a nonentity for that.
1435. Unidentified Vatleria species. They apparently abandoned their homeworld (Vatleria) and moved to the Core Worlds.
It should be noted that "Vatleria" is an anagram of "Latveria," fictitious home country of Doctor Doom, and that the story the planet appeared in was a parody of the Fantastic Four wherein Darth Vader killed a group of vaguely Fantastic Four-like Rebels with deathtraps that had themes modeled after their Fantastic Four counterparts' powers, i.e. incineration, being crushed by rocks, being stretched to pieces, and vaporization.
It's kind of adorably stupid.
Rating: 1/5. But that has nothing to do with the species.
1436. Unidentified walking plant species. Apparently, as near as can be told, this species maybe lives as sessile plants as juveniles and need to be harvested somehow to become mobile adults... maybe? (I'm extrapolating quite a bit here.)
This made it really easy to transport them as slaves, and at some point they were near extinction; Han Solo and Chewbacca rescued a group of them who were stated to be the last survivors, and were probably going to take them to the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk.
As far as appearance, goes, they seem to be basically just root-blobs.
Rating: 2/5. I might have given them a 3/5 if their nature was clearer/more explicit.
1437. Unidentified worm-textured-skinned ostrich-like species. And the award for most awkward descriptive article title goes to... these guys! (Because I'm not typing that again!)
They just kind of exist.
Rating: 2/5. They look modestly interesting.
1438. Unidentified Xantar species. They're Greys, basically, and one abducted Indiana Jones and took him to Xantar, which Luke Skywalker also visited.
In some ridiculous computer game, see.
Rating: 2/5 for the chuckle factor.
1439. Unidentified Yoberra species. A member of this species won the eight-legged-species category in a race of some sort.
Rating: 1/5. So they're fast for eight-legged types. That'd be informative if we knew anything else about them.
1440. Unidentified Zuggit species. They're apparently magenta, twelve feet tall, and have two heads.
Rating: 2/5. That's slightly amusing.
Also, this is the last "Unidentified * species" entry, and next time will see the end of the category. I might possibly take an extra week to do the article, because unless I change my mind because it'll take too long I'll be hunting up the species I missed because they didn't exist when I started the Guide. Oh gosh that'll be fun.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
1431. Unidentified tree-like species. This species
Moral of the story: Don't screw with giant psychic rats.
Rating: 2/5, mainly because of the thought of a bunch of trees invading a place; it's amusing.
1432. Unidentified Underworld species. These guys live in Coruscant's underworld, that is, the area way down around the bases of those immense skyscrapers that are normally all we can see of the place. It should be noted that Coruscant has an extensive urbanized ecosystem and that a number of inhabitant species of it are believed to have had time to evolve to suit it.
They apparently have wings and green fangs, and supposedly revere Wookiees; I'd suppose that apparent reverence could just as easily be extreme respect for big guys who are strong enough to fight way outside their already heavy weight classes (as I've noted in an older post, Wookiees can physically trounce guys that are a lot bigger than they are). One of their customs is exchanging gifts with new-met strangers to prove a lack of ill will towards them; if you reject this, they'll want to kill you. ...Okay then.
Rating: 1/5. Eh, there's nothing especially jumping out at me, and even though I often like random collections of features these ones don't have anything about them that elevates them beyond being just a generic such.
1433. Unidentified UR41-284 species. UR41-284 is their homeworld; Grand Admiral Thrawn apparently had "everything within seventy kilometers of their museum district" destroyed in response to them resisting the Empire under his command.
So, like, their whole planet had exactly one museum district? Huh.
Rating: 1/5.
1434. Unidentified Usk species. This species' homeworld, Usk, was part of Hutt Space since the time of Xim the Despot or earlier, i.e. 25,000-plus years before the era of the movies, and they were slaves of the Hutts. They eventually went extinct, and their name was forgotten by the rest of the galaxy.
Ouch.
Rating: 1/5. I'd give them a sympathy point, but honestly they're too much of a nonentity for that.
1435. Unidentified Vatleria species. They apparently abandoned their homeworld (Vatleria) and moved to the Core Worlds.
It should be noted that "Vatleria" is an anagram of "Latveria," fictitious home country of Doctor Doom, and that the story the planet appeared in was a parody of the Fantastic Four wherein Darth Vader killed a group of vaguely Fantastic Four-like Rebels with deathtraps that had themes modeled after their Fantastic Four counterparts' powers, i.e. incineration, being crushed by rocks, being stretched to pieces, and vaporization.
It's kind of adorably stupid.
Rating: 1/5. But that has nothing to do with the species.
1436. Unidentified walking plant species. Apparently, as near as can be told, this species maybe lives as sessile plants as juveniles and need to be harvested somehow to become mobile adults... maybe? (I'm extrapolating quite a bit here.)
This made it really easy to transport them as slaves, and at some point they were near extinction; Han Solo and Chewbacca rescued a group of them who were stated to be the last survivors, and were probably going to take them to the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk.
As far as appearance, goes, they seem to be basically just root-blobs.
Rating: 2/5. I might have given them a 3/5 if their nature was clearer/more explicit.
1437. Unidentified worm-textured-skinned ostrich-like species. And the award for most awkward descriptive article title goes to... these guys! (Because I'm not typing that again!)
They just kind of exist.
Rating: 2/5. They look modestly interesting.
1438. Unidentified Xantar species. They're Greys, basically, and one abducted Indiana Jones and took him to Xantar, which Luke Skywalker also visited.
In some ridiculous computer game, see.
Rating: 2/5 for the chuckle factor.
1439. Unidentified Yoberra species. A member of this species won the eight-legged-species category in a race of some sort.
Rating: 1/5. So they're fast for eight-legged types. That'd be informative if we knew anything else about them.
1440. Unidentified Zuggit species. They're apparently magenta, twelve feet tall, and have two heads.
Rating: 2/5. That's slightly amusing.
Also, this is the last "Unidentified * species" entry, and next time will see the end of the category. I might possibly take an extra week to do the article, because unless I change my mind because it'll take too long I'll be hunting up the species I missed because they didn't exist when I started the Guide. Oh gosh that'll be fun.
-Signing off.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#143)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
1421. Unidentified Solem species. These guys are basically some sort of green goblorcs.
Their world had an oppressive governor whose own brother led the local resistance. The governor hired Boba Fett to catch him for him, but turned out to not have quite enough money to pay the bounty, so Fett held him at gunpoint (causing the governor to be distracted during the subsequent insurrection/jailbreak) until he noticed that the guy was wearing a nice necklace that would make up for the shortfall, and ripped it off and ran off even as the governor's government collapsed. Which is kinda hilarious.
Also, there is a member of this species named Lol. Yes, L O L.
Rating: 2/5. Eh, it's kinda funny that they're just straight-up goblorcs.
1422. Unidentified species (Imperial torching). ...Oh dear, that's not promising at all.
The only known specimen, who appears to have been on fire at the time of being presented, is rather lady-shaped, and has what looks like a smaller, simpler version of the Skrilling nostril complex (only six nostrils), as well as tiny antennae and webbed fingers.
Naturally, Wookieepedia remarks that "females of the species had breasts and grew long hair on their heads," but I've got a question for you, Wookieepedia: How do you know that individual is female?
Rating: 2/5. Admittedly, the picture illustrates a species that's essentially a human with a collection of superficial features that I kind of like slapped on, but hey, superficial features I kind of like!
1423. Unidentified species (purple face). Looking at the picture, I'd say that "purple" is the last relevant adjective in the list; somewhere before that would be "split face" and possibly "flesh mustache." It's a pretty interesting look, really.
A bunch of them were killed by a Mandalorian once. They also all wear the same headgear.
Rating: 3/5. Purely based on appearance.
1424. Unidentified species (seven-ringed homeworld). This species' working name comes from the following line actually uttered by its known member:
By the seven rings of my home world--we're all going to die!
Who talks like that?
Maybe if he'd said "by the seven rings of the sky!" I'd have bought the line and it'd have properly suggested the idea of planetary rings, but as it is the line would take me out of a reading experience.
As for the species itself, the known individual has scaly skin, huge flap-ear things, and a nose that reminds me of nothing so much as a snowman's carrot nose, though it's more pencil-shaped than it is actually carrot-shaped.
Rating: 2/5. Falls a little too far on the wrong side of the silliness line, but good for a chuckle.
1425. Unidentified species (Unknown Regions). So the only thing you guys could come up with as an identifying feature for these guys was that they lived in a particular pretty large and broad region of space?
They apparently had developed a "primitive" form of space travel, and one of their representatives once met with Grand Admiral Thrawn. (Whether he was Grand Admiral Thrawn at the time is questionable, but whatever.)
What "primitive" means in the context of the Star Wars galaxy is mysterious, since, y'know, they can split planets and detonate stars there...
Rating: 1/5. Nothing to go on.
1426. Unidentified Stalsinek IV species. They guarded a temple, the only feature of which is known being a magic fountain of healing water.
...No, I'm not making this up.
Rating: 2/5. The presence of a magic healing fountain in Star Wars amuses me.
1427. Unidentified talking tree species. Okay, get ready for this.
The sole known member of this species lived on Endor.
An Ewok, mistaking him for a nonsapient tree, put a poster inviting people to a party on his face.
Totally cool with the misunderstanding, the tree pulled the poster off and looked at it, and expressed excitement at the idea of a party.
He apparently didn't go, presumably because he was a tree and trees can't go to parties because trees can't go anywhere.
I'm sorry you didn't get to go to a party, tree!
Rating: 3/5. Endor's a heck of a place.
1428. Unidentified tentacle-faced species. I looked at the picture, and thought "wait, wasn't this Rang Thang's species?"
Looking more thoroughly, Rang Thang and this species aren't quite in each other's facial structure range, but they are pretty close.
Anyway, they're okay, but they are far overshadowed by Rang Thang's radness, which is enough for an entire species. Those character designers could have worked on making a more diverse array of tentacle faces, methinks-at least more differenter types of tentacles than that.
Rating: 2/5.
1429. Unidentified tentacle-legged ornithoid species. ...I don't know how Wookieepedia can be sure that the tentacles on the individual whose head is obscured by that speech bubble are shared by the individual behind him whose body is obscured by the same tentacled individual's own body. (Look at the picture for yourself if you please.) They could just be wearing a unispecies uniform.
Rating: 1/5 if those guys aren't the same species, 3/5 if they are for the amusement factor of a tentacled bird person.
1430. Unidentified Tranthellix species. Members of this assumed species (they could just be settlers of some not-technically-native species, y'know) are known for capturing Tranthebar Mountain rippers (or should that be Tranthebar mountain rippers? The variant capitalization is very significant), birds of prey with fifteen-foot-plus wingspans, and selling them to offworlders who stage races where people strap themselves to the undersides of the great birds and ride them.
These races are apparently illegal, though whether it's illegal because it threatens the Tranthebar Mountain ripper population or because it's a darned stupid idea to strap yourself to a giant bird of prey and expect it to carry you, or both, is ambiguous.
Rating: 2/5. That's one of those things that makes you wonder "how did this custom get started?" Who first looked at a giant bird called a ripper and thought "Huh, I wonder if that bird could still fly if I tied myself to its underside?"
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
1421. Unidentified Solem species. These guys are basically some sort of green goblorcs.
Their world had an oppressive governor whose own brother led the local resistance. The governor hired Boba Fett to catch him for him, but turned out to not have quite enough money to pay the bounty, so Fett held him at gunpoint (causing the governor to be distracted during the subsequent insurrection/jailbreak) until he noticed that the guy was wearing a nice necklace that would make up for the shortfall, and ripped it off and ran off even as the governor's government collapsed. Which is kinda hilarious.
Also, there is a member of this species named Lol. Yes, L O L.
Rating: 2/5. Eh, it's kinda funny that they're just straight-up goblorcs.
1422. Unidentified species (Imperial torching). ...Oh dear, that's not promising at all.
The only known specimen, who appears to have been on fire at the time of being presented, is rather lady-shaped, and has what looks like a smaller, simpler version of the Skrilling nostril complex (only six nostrils), as well as tiny antennae and webbed fingers.
Naturally, Wookieepedia remarks that "females of the species had breasts and grew long hair on their heads," but I've got a question for you, Wookieepedia: How do you know that individual is female?
Rating: 2/5. Admittedly, the picture illustrates a species that's essentially a human with a collection of superficial features that I kind of like slapped on, but hey, superficial features I kind of like!
1423. Unidentified species (purple face). Looking at the picture, I'd say that "purple" is the last relevant adjective in the list; somewhere before that would be "split face" and possibly "flesh mustache." It's a pretty interesting look, really.
A bunch of them were killed by a Mandalorian once. They also all wear the same headgear.
Rating: 3/5. Purely based on appearance.
1424. Unidentified species (seven-ringed homeworld). This species' working name comes from the following line actually uttered by its known member:
By the seven rings of my home world--we're all going to die!
Who talks like that?
Maybe if he'd said "by the seven rings of the sky!" I'd have bought the line and it'd have properly suggested the idea of planetary rings, but as it is the line would take me out of a reading experience.
As for the species itself, the known individual has scaly skin, huge flap-ear things, and a nose that reminds me of nothing so much as a snowman's carrot nose, though it's more pencil-shaped than it is actually carrot-shaped.
Rating: 2/5. Falls a little too far on the wrong side of the silliness line, but good for a chuckle.
1425. Unidentified species (Unknown Regions). So the only thing you guys could come up with as an identifying feature for these guys was that they lived in a particular pretty large and broad region of space?
They apparently had developed a "primitive" form of space travel, and one of their representatives once met with Grand Admiral Thrawn. (Whether he was Grand Admiral Thrawn at the time is questionable, but whatever.)
What "primitive" means in the context of the Star Wars galaxy is mysterious, since, y'know, they can split planets and detonate stars there...
Rating: 1/5. Nothing to go on.
1426. Unidentified Stalsinek IV species. They guarded a temple, the only feature of which is known being a magic fountain of healing water.
...No, I'm not making this up.
Rating: 2/5. The presence of a magic healing fountain in Star Wars amuses me.
1427. Unidentified talking tree species. Okay, get ready for this.
The sole known member of this species lived on Endor.
An Ewok, mistaking him for a nonsapient tree, put a poster inviting people to a party on his face.
Totally cool with the misunderstanding, the tree pulled the poster off and looked at it, and expressed excitement at the idea of a party.
He apparently didn't go, presumably because he was a tree and trees can't go to parties because trees can't go anywhere.
I'm sorry you didn't get to go to a party, tree!
Rating: 3/5. Endor's a heck of a place.
1428. Unidentified tentacle-faced species. I looked at the picture, and thought "wait, wasn't this Rang Thang's species?"
Looking more thoroughly, Rang Thang and this species aren't quite in each other's facial structure range, but they are pretty close.
Anyway, they're okay, but they are far overshadowed by Rang Thang's radness, which is enough for an entire species. Those character designers could have worked on making a more diverse array of tentacle faces, methinks-at least more differenter types of tentacles than that.
Rating: 2/5.
1429. Unidentified tentacle-legged ornithoid species. ...I don't know how Wookieepedia can be sure that the tentacles on the individual whose head is obscured by that speech bubble are shared by the individual behind him whose body is obscured by the same tentacled individual's own body. (Look at the picture for yourself if you please.) They could just be wearing a unispecies uniform.
Rating: 1/5 if those guys aren't the same species, 3/5 if they are for the amusement factor of a tentacled bird person.
1430. Unidentified Tranthellix species. Members of this assumed species (they could just be settlers of some not-technically-native species, y'know) are known for capturing Tranthebar Mountain rippers (or should that be Tranthebar mountain rippers? The variant capitalization is very significant), birds of prey with fifteen-foot-plus wingspans, and selling them to offworlders who stage races where people strap themselves to the undersides of the great birds and ride them.
These races are apparently illegal, though whether it's illegal because it threatens the Tranthebar Mountain ripper population or because it's a darned stupid idea to strap yourself to a giant bird of prey and expect it to carry you, or both, is ambiguous.
Rating: 2/5. That's one of those things that makes you wonder "how did this custom get started?" Who first looked at a giant bird called a ripper and thought "Huh, I wonder if that bird could still fly if I tied myself to its underside?"
-Signing off.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#142)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Already covered one species in this section under Sarrish.)
1411. Unidentified Nyny species. ...Okay, I gotta ask-is that "nye-nye" (long "i" sounds) or "nye-nee" (long "i" then long "e" sounds)? Because either one would sound kind of funny.
Their blood is apparently black and they have three necks. The sole appearance of a member of the species was a dead New Republic senator, who had suffered three broken necks in a terrorist bombing orchestrated by a Dark Jedi.
Rating: 2/5. Eh.
1412. Unidentified primitive race. Some of these guys once traded with the crew of a tramp freighter, known as the "unidentified tramp freighter."
How very elucidating.
Rating: 1/5.
1413. Unidentified pudgy species. Okay, these guys are sorta ugly froggish things (with a wonderful placeholder name, may I say [and by "wonderful" I mean AARRGH]), and there's some charm in the design, but said design is not done any favors by the positively awful low-poly game image used to represent them on their page for some reason.
The known representative of the species was a podracer.
Rating: 3/5. Purely because I like the non-low-poly design.
1414. Unidentified purple-skinned humanoid species. These purple people are native to some planet, where apparently they follow a Sith religion (whether more closely related to the True Sith or one of the various Sith orders is ambiguous).
Rating: 1/5. Eh.
1415. Unidentified Ryoone species 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5. These five species share their homeworld with the Lyunesi, whose article saw me joke about how I'd handle this very entry. (Note that the method I decided on is quite different from my joke.)
It's always kind of interesting when there's multiple species native to a world, and the offhand, admittedly lazy mention of these guys as background for the Lyunesi is kind of neat, even if it's a bit frustrating here. The Lyunesi are supposed to be fragile, but also really good at translating, and implicitly they are such because of living among five other tougher species-it was the niche they developed to survive in a harsh society.
Rating: 2/5 for interesting background structure.
1416. Unidentified Sarm species. This species was wiped out by a supernova that created the Utegetu Nebula, the name of which presumably comes from the palindromic Killik language. The nebula apparently contained fourteen planets which were settled by the Killiks as part of a forced relocation, though the rascally Killiks would decide to abandon these planets in favor of picking a fight with the Chiss, which incidentally was probably not a good idea, since the Chiss live in the tough part oftown the galaxy and have pretty low tolerance for other people's wacky antics bullhonky attempted invasions and a bit of a tendency to wipe people out of space, though they do at least do others the favor of never opening hostilities.
...Anyway, that this species was known to exist is pretty interesting, because a nebula with fourteen habitable systems in it would presumably be pretty large and take quite a while to form after the supernova, so it would have been quite a while ago that the species went extinct.
Their known artifacts are an extensive canal system.
Rating: 2/5.
1417. Unidentified Sarrahban species. They tried to be neutral during the Galactic Civil War, but the Empire invaded them anyway.
That rascally Empire.
Rating: 1/5.
1418. Unidentified Shoon species. This species was apparently gigantic and humanoid, and a war of unidentified nature devastated their homeworld and left them extinct.
Rating: 1/5, although I kind of like the detail that they were apparently huge, because that word "gigantic" is used persistently.
1419. Unidentified Sinton species. Their homeworld was conquered by the Empire. One individual would apparently brag about his involvement in the campaign later; however, it was later established that he probably had never actually been an actual officer, and was so horrendously incompetent that it begs questions of how he even survived in the Imperial military when it had a tendency to punish its failures so harshly.
(Said individual boasted of his execution of the "Massacre of Mendicat," but said event was actually a space station falling into a star with all hands due to an egregious programming error on his part. ...Which is a pretty gutsy way for him to reinterpret history, I'll give him that.)
Rating: 1/5.
1420. Unidentified snout-nosed species. ...Yet more elephant-faced species? At least these guys are blue, instead of red/pink again.
Rating: 2/5. They look mildly neat.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Already covered one species in this section under Sarrish.)
1411. Unidentified Nyny species. ...Okay, I gotta ask-is that "nye-nye" (long "i" sounds) or "nye-nee" (long "i" then long "e" sounds)? Because either one would sound kind of funny.
Their blood is apparently black and they have three necks. The sole appearance of a member of the species was a dead New Republic senator, who had suffered three broken necks in a terrorist bombing orchestrated by a Dark Jedi.
Rating: 2/5. Eh.
1412. Unidentified primitive race. Some of these guys once traded with the crew of a tramp freighter, known as the "unidentified tramp freighter."
How very elucidating.
Rating: 1/5.
1413. Unidentified pudgy species. Okay, these guys are sorta ugly froggish things (with a wonderful placeholder name, may I say [and by "wonderful" I mean AARRGH]), and there's some charm in the design, but said design is not done any favors by the positively awful low-poly game image used to represent them on their page for some reason.
The known representative of the species was a podracer.
Rating: 3/5. Purely because I like the non-low-poly design.
1414. Unidentified purple-skinned humanoid species. These purple people are native to some planet, where apparently they follow a Sith religion (whether more closely related to the True Sith or one of the various Sith orders is ambiguous).
Rating: 1/5. Eh.
1415. Unidentified Ryoone species 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5. These five species share their homeworld with the Lyunesi, whose article saw me joke about how I'd handle this very entry. (Note that the method I decided on is quite different from my joke.)
It's always kind of interesting when there's multiple species native to a world, and the offhand, admittedly lazy mention of these guys as background for the Lyunesi is kind of neat, even if it's a bit frustrating here. The Lyunesi are supposed to be fragile, but also really good at translating, and implicitly they are such because of living among five other tougher species-it was the niche they developed to survive in a harsh society.
Rating: 2/5 for interesting background structure.
1416. Unidentified Sarm species. This species was wiped out by a supernova that created the Utegetu Nebula, the name of which presumably comes from the palindromic Killik language. The nebula apparently contained fourteen planets which were settled by the Killiks as part of a forced relocation, though the rascally Killiks would decide to abandon these planets in favor of picking a fight with the Chiss, which incidentally was probably not a good idea, since the Chiss live in the tough part of
...Anyway, that this species was known to exist is pretty interesting, because a nebula with fourteen habitable systems in it would presumably be pretty large and take quite a while to form after the supernova, so it would have been quite a while ago that the species went extinct.
Their known artifacts are an extensive canal system.
Rating: 2/5.
1417. Unidentified Sarrahban species. They tried to be neutral during the Galactic Civil War, but the Empire invaded them anyway.
That rascally Empire.
Rating: 1/5.
1418. Unidentified Shoon species. This species was apparently gigantic and humanoid, and a war of unidentified nature devastated their homeworld and left them extinct.
Rating: 1/5, although I kind of like the detail that they were apparently huge, because that word "gigantic" is used persistently.
1419. Unidentified Sinton species. Their homeworld was conquered by the Empire. One individual would apparently brag about his involvement in the campaign later; however, it was later established that he probably had never actually been an actual officer, and was so horrendously incompetent that it begs questions of how he even survived in the Imperial military when it had a tendency to punish its failures so harshly.
(Said individual boasted of his execution of the "Massacre of Mendicat," but said event was actually a space station falling into a star with all hands due to an egregious programming error on his part. ...Which is a pretty gutsy way for him to reinterpret history, I'll give him that.)
Rating: 1/5.
1420. Unidentified snout-nosed species. ...Yet more elephant-faced species? At least these guys are blue, instead of red/pink again.
Rating: 2/5. They look mildly neat.
-Signing off.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#141)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Upon reflection, I've decided that since the posts are kinda sparse in interesting content for this section, I'm probably going to wait until the Star Wars stuff is finished before putting up the last index post, because the housekeeping on the indices is complicated enough already without being behind and doing at least two for such a boring stretch.
I've excluded unidentified Mamendin species because they're indistinguishable enough from humans that humans could pass for them, and that's hecka boring and also a bit dubious, and Unidentified Jerrilek species because I covered them some while back, with the note that they're unambiguously described as extinct here.)
1401. Unidentified Janguine species. This species of "jungle barbarians" had a language that was suspiciously similar to that spoken by the Yuuzhan Vong. They were apparently extinct or something for at least three hundred years, but their language had been preserved by the Mooloolians... who may have been the same species?
I don't even know, man. Frustrated as I am with some of the Star Wars stuff going on anymore, I can't say I regret the New Jedi Order books getting wiped from continuity.
Rating: 1/5.
1402. Unidentified Jomark species. They apparently built the High Castle, some kind of fortress, and then at some point after that went extinct, making them much like the Hijarnans from last week.
Rating: 1/5.
1403. Unidentified Kromus species. The planet Kromus was accidentally switched with its "sister planet" Kromol in galactic survey data, which complicated an attempt to stop a Separatist superweapon, the Starkiller (how many things have that name in Star Wars? Too many), and ultimately the Old Republic was forced to use orbital bombardment to stop said weapon, which the Separatists had deliberately built in the middle of a Kromusian city to discourage Republic forces from attacking it.
Unfortunately, the exotic hyperspatial tech in the weapon meant that it blew up good when it was destroyed, and the people of Kromus were presumably rendered extinct when the weapon's destruction "killed" the planet.
...Bummer.
Putting a stupid but realistic spin on things, this was seen as the Republic's fault, even though the Separatists had 1) built the weapon in the first place, 2) deliberately put it in a heavily populated area on an inhabited planet, and 3) fired it up while there was a Republic fleet sitting there ready to shoot it, and the incident caused multiple planets to join the Separatists.
Rating: 1/5.
1404. Unidentified Kurluvion species. Hutt pornography was being shipped to their system.
Nobody needed to know that, guys!
Rating: 1/5.
1405. Unidentified long-snouted species. Their article notes that not only do they have long snouts, they also have buck teeth. I'm sure they'd love to hear themselves described that way.
Rating: 3/5. They look rather interesting, actually.
1406. Unidentified Majoor species. They're green and cartoonish, and honestly look too human to be that interesting, although on the other hand the major characters of the species known are a busy working dad and his son who resented how busy he was, i.e. they had ridiculously human concerns, which I believe I've noted I find pleasant.
Rating: 2/5.
1407. Unidentified mammalian species. They look kind of like kangaroo/rodent/monkey-somethings. Fortunately, when they named the article they showed more restraint than the last article in this batch...
Just wait and see.
Rating: 2/5. I dunno, mammalian aliens often kind of bore me. On the other hand, these guys are a bit less typical than usual, so I think that gets them a point.
1408. Unidentified Millinar species. There are two things known of them:
1) They're hermaphroditic.
2) They apparently are the keepers of super-special lost Force techniques.
Rating: 2/5. They get a point for randomness.
1409. Unidentified Neona species. They went extinct twenty thousand years before the movie era thanks to some global warming flooding their whole planet. In the movie era, there was an underwater facility put together to examine their ruins.
...Incidentally, water erosion is like super-destructive and very few things would survive just one thousand years underwater.
Rating: 1/5. Meh.
1410. Unidentified New Republic reptilian diplomat's species. Oh gosh that's a doozy of an article name.
Anyway, they're basically frilled lizard people, which is nice.
On the other hand, there are at least two other frilled lizard people species, both of which are more interesting.
Rating: 2/5. Probably can never have too many frilled lizard people.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Upon reflection, I've decided that since the posts are kinda sparse in interesting content for this section, I'm probably going to wait until the Star Wars stuff is finished before putting up the last index post, because the housekeeping on the indices is complicated enough already without being behind and doing at least two for such a boring stretch.
I've excluded unidentified Mamendin species because they're indistinguishable enough from humans that humans could pass for them, and that's hecka boring and also a bit dubious, and Unidentified Jerrilek species because I covered them some while back, with the note that they're unambiguously described as extinct here.)
1401. Unidentified Janguine species. This species of "jungle barbarians" had a language that was suspiciously similar to that spoken by the Yuuzhan Vong. They were apparently extinct or something for at least three hundred years, but their language had been preserved by the Mooloolians... who may have been the same species?
I don't even know, man. Frustrated as I am with some of the Star Wars stuff going on anymore, I can't say I regret the New Jedi Order books getting wiped from continuity.
Rating: 1/5.
1402. Unidentified Jomark species. They apparently built the High Castle, some kind of fortress, and then at some point after that went extinct, making them much like the Hijarnans from last week.
Rating: 1/5.
1403. Unidentified Kromus species. The planet Kromus was accidentally switched with its "sister planet" Kromol in galactic survey data, which complicated an attempt to stop a Separatist superweapon, the Starkiller (how many things have that name in Star Wars? Too many), and ultimately the Old Republic was forced to use orbital bombardment to stop said weapon, which the Separatists had deliberately built in the middle of a Kromusian city to discourage Republic forces from attacking it.
Unfortunately, the exotic hyperspatial tech in the weapon meant that it blew up good when it was destroyed, and the people of Kromus were presumably rendered extinct when the weapon's destruction "killed" the planet.
...Bummer.
Putting a stupid but realistic spin on things, this was seen as the Republic's fault, even though the Separatists had 1) built the weapon in the first place, 2) deliberately put it in a heavily populated area on an inhabited planet, and 3) fired it up while there was a Republic fleet sitting there ready to shoot it, and the incident caused multiple planets to join the Separatists.
Rating: 1/5.
1404. Unidentified Kurluvion species. Hutt pornography was being shipped to their system.
Nobody needed to know that, guys!
Rating: 1/5.
1405. Unidentified long-snouted species. Their article notes that not only do they have long snouts, they also have buck teeth. I'm sure they'd love to hear themselves described that way.
Rating: 3/5. They look rather interesting, actually.
1406. Unidentified Majoor species. They're green and cartoonish, and honestly look too human to be that interesting, although on the other hand the major characters of the species known are a busy working dad and his son who resented how busy he was, i.e. they had ridiculously human concerns, which I believe I've noted I find pleasant.
Rating: 2/5.
1407. Unidentified mammalian species. They look kind of like kangaroo/rodent/monkey-somethings. Fortunately, when they named the article they showed more restraint than the last article in this batch...
Just wait and see.
Rating: 2/5. I dunno, mammalian aliens often kind of bore me. On the other hand, these guys are a bit less typical than usual, so I think that gets them a point.
1408. Unidentified Millinar species. There are two things known of them:
1) They're hermaphroditic.
2) They apparently are the keepers of super-special lost Force techniques.
Rating: 2/5. They get a point for randomness.
1409. Unidentified Neona species. They went extinct twenty thousand years before the movie era thanks to some global warming flooding their whole planet. In the movie era, there was an underwater facility put together to examine their ruins.
...Incidentally, water erosion is like super-destructive and very few things would survive just one thousand years underwater.
Rating: 1/5. Meh.
1410. Unidentified New Republic reptilian diplomat's species. Oh gosh that's a doozy of an article name.
Anyway, they're basically frilled lizard people, which is nice.
On the other hand, there are at least two other frilled lizard people species, both of which are more interesting.
Rating: 2/5. Probably can never have too many frilled lizard people.
-Signing off.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#140)
The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Skipped unidentified H'relac species because of a spectacularly uninformative entry. And because I actually loaded one more article than I meant to, but that's neither here nor there.)
1391. Unidentified green species. Another member race of the Iskalonian school, these guys look like sad dog/fish people.
Rating: 1/5. While I'm not a fan of the character design, it's not as bad as that other species.
1392. Unidentified green-finned species. It's worth noting that these guys are also green-skinned and thus just as worthy of the appellation "unidentified green species." They also have sufficiently fishy features that one could easily believe that they're amphibious.
While there's nothing particularly noteworthy about this species beyond the fact that they're fish people who often (two out of the three known individuals) have amazingly nice hair, I do kind of like the way they're used in the story they're from, where one of them is a wealthy business owner, another is his discontent trophy wife, and the last is the eco-terrorist pretending to be the wife's skeevy personal trainer having an affair with her.
In other words, they're treated as astoundingly humanlike entities with extremely human concerns. Making characters in a story like that aliens for no reason beyond the fact that one can is nice.
Rating: 2/5.
1393. Unidentified Gryphon species. Apparently a Design-an-Alien contestant, this species has armor plated skin and a single central eye. They look kinda neat.
The sole known individual, Brock Lar, left his homeworld of Gryphon because of constant civil warfare that had killed his son. He would leave his world, eventually finding a sort of peace as an adopted citizen of another world, moving his remaining family there and getting work as the first mate of a freighter.
Unfortunately, the world that had adopted him was Alderaan, and his family was killed when the Death Star wiped the planet out.
So Brock Lar decided that he would wipe out the entirety of Moff Tarkin's bloodline, although he's not specifically known to have succeeded at killing any of the man' relatives.
Rating: 3/5. Y'know, that particular little story humanizes the destruction of Alderaan more than probably any single other thing I've read about it (and I've read a pretty fair amount of Star Wars fiction), and it essentially was a bit of fanfic written by a pair of 18-year-olds.
1394. Unidentified Hijarna species. They built a fortress, apparently as a last line of defense against an invasion of their world.
Then they died.
Bummer.
Rating: 1/5.
1395. Unidentified Hitaka species. They're blue-skinned and very human-looking.
Rating: 1/5.
1396. Unidentified hive-mind insectoid species. Apparently, "individuals" of this species are hive-minds made from a certain number of beings; losing members of the hive-mind is bad for the mind's memory.
I should think so.
Rating: 3/5.
1397. Unidentified Horn Station species. The known individual of the species basically looks like Killer Croc from the Batman comics/cartoons.
Rating: 1/5. It's not a bad look, but it's also not much of an alien.
1398. Unidentified humanoid species (Jedi twins). This species' known members were Jedi and also twins.
Their design was based on unused concept art for a Sith lord, story-wise possibly one in a role that would eventually be taken by Count Dooku.
If one looks at their design, this becomes very funny, at least to me.
Rating: 2/5. Eh, their hair-things are kinda silly.
1399. Unidentified humanoid species (pressure suits). They are believed to live in pressure suits. They are not, however, known to live in pressure suits, so the article name seems presumptuous. (The thing that probably caused people to presume they're wearing pressure suits could be scarves just as easily as air hoses.)
Looking at them, they look kind of like they're really just sharing fashion tastes (and glowing eyes, though they look like they may have four eyes) with Jawas, and that's the main thing you can actually say about them.
Rating: 2/5, because I like how they look even if they're borrowing someone else's look.
1400. Unidentified Hurikane species. So this species is composed of what we would identify as mineral material.
In his youth, Mace Windu was sent to try to obtain some kind of special crystals from them for the sake of building a special lightsaber with them. They were hostile and chased him around until one fell into a crevasse or some such thing.
Mace went back to heal him with the Force, and as a reward for his kindness, the being gave him some crystals... which had come from his own body.
...That's kind of like going, "Oh, you fixed my broken leg! Here, have my kidney!"
They look sorta interesting, anyway.
Rating: 2/5.
-Signing off.
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)
(Skipped unidentified H'relac species because of a spectacularly uninformative entry. And because I actually loaded one more article than I meant to, but that's neither here nor there.)
1391. Unidentified green species. Another member race of the Iskalonian school, these guys look like sad dog/fish people.
Rating: 1/5. While I'm not a fan of the character design, it's not as bad as that other species.
1392. Unidentified green-finned species. It's worth noting that these guys are also green-skinned and thus just as worthy of the appellation "unidentified green species." They also have sufficiently fishy features that one could easily believe that they're amphibious.
While there's nothing particularly noteworthy about this species beyond the fact that they're fish people who often (two out of the three known individuals) have amazingly nice hair, I do kind of like the way they're used in the story they're from, where one of them is a wealthy business owner, another is his discontent trophy wife, and the last is the eco-terrorist pretending to be the wife's skeevy personal trainer having an affair with her.
In other words, they're treated as astoundingly humanlike entities with extremely human concerns. Making characters in a story like that aliens for no reason beyond the fact that one can is nice.
Rating: 2/5.
1393. Unidentified Gryphon species. Apparently a Design-an-Alien contestant, this species has armor plated skin and a single central eye. They look kinda neat.
The sole known individual, Brock Lar, left his homeworld of Gryphon because of constant civil warfare that had killed his son. He would leave his world, eventually finding a sort of peace as an adopted citizen of another world, moving his remaining family there and getting work as the first mate of a freighter.
Unfortunately, the world that had adopted him was Alderaan, and his family was killed when the Death Star wiped the planet out.
So Brock Lar decided that he would wipe out the entirety of Moff Tarkin's bloodline, although he's not specifically known to have succeeded at killing any of the man' relatives.
Rating: 3/5. Y'know, that particular little story humanizes the destruction of Alderaan more than probably any single other thing I've read about it (and I've read a pretty fair amount of Star Wars fiction), and it essentially was a bit of fanfic written by a pair of 18-year-olds.
1394. Unidentified Hijarna species. They built a fortress, apparently as a last line of defense against an invasion of their world.
Then they died.
Bummer.
Rating: 1/5.
1395. Unidentified Hitaka species. They're blue-skinned and very human-looking.
Rating: 1/5.
1396. Unidentified hive-mind insectoid species. Apparently, "individuals" of this species are hive-minds made from a certain number of beings; losing members of the hive-mind is bad for the mind's memory.
I should think so.
Rating: 3/5.
1397. Unidentified Horn Station species. The known individual of the species basically looks like Killer Croc from the Batman comics/cartoons.
Rating: 1/5. It's not a bad look, but it's also not much of an alien.
1398. Unidentified humanoid species (Jedi twins). This species' known members were Jedi and also twins.
Their design was based on unused concept art for a Sith lord, story-wise possibly one in a role that would eventually be taken by Count Dooku.
If one looks at their design, this becomes very funny, at least to me.
Rating: 2/5. Eh, their hair-things are kinda silly.
1399. Unidentified humanoid species (pressure suits). They are believed to live in pressure suits. They are not, however, known to live in pressure suits, so the article name seems presumptuous. (The thing that probably caused people to presume they're wearing pressure suits could be scarves just as easily as air hoses.)
Looking at them, they look kind of like they're really just sharing fashion tastes (and glowing eyes, though they look like they may have four eyes) with Jawas, and that's the main thing you can actually say about them.
Rating: 2/5, because I like how they look even if they're borrowing someone else's look.
1400. Unidentified Hurikane species. So this species is composed of what we would identify as mineral material.
In his youth, Mace Windu was sent to try to obtain some kind of special crystals from them for the sake of building a special lightsaber with them. They were hostile and chased him around until one fell into a crevasse or some such thing.
Mace went back to heal him with the Force, and as a reward for his kindness, the being gave him some crystals... which had come from his own body.
...That's kind of like going, "Oh, you fixed my broken leg! Here, have my kidney!"
They look sorta interesting, anyway.
Rating: 2/5.
-Signing off.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
It's Just That Stupid
Quick! What was your first reaction to the new lightsaber design from the Episode VII trailer?
If it was "that's stupid," you're on the same wavelength as at least half the people I've shown the trailer.*
Unless the crosspiece is supposed to be some kind of "training saber," that is, a lightsaber blade that doesn't actually cut, I can't imagine it being too safe to handle; for that matter, I can't imagine it being very effective for blocking, either, when somebody can potentially cut the emitters. Did the people who designed it know what crosspieces are for?**
I'm nowhere near as positive about this movie as I was when I'd heard the Toy Story III writer was supposed to be doing the script, because it's got a lot in common with "NuTrek" and every time I hear something new about that I think it sounds even more awful...
...but at least a writer who worked on the original trilogy worked on it too, so...
Also I like the new stormtrooper helmets.
*I showed it to my sister and it was nearly her first reaction to the whole trailer. My mother was more excited and positive about the movie as a whole,*** but the lightsaber was her primary nitpick. It didn't really stick in my craw quite so much, but it's definitely my least favorite alternate lightsaber design.
**They're for blocking sword blades and occasionally helping one's grip.
***A big part of the reason why I'm such a huge nerd is because my mother's always been a big nerd herself; particularly, she's a big fan of both Star Trek and Star Wars. There was a conversation my sister and I had with her at some point where she realized that we'd seen very few episodes of Star Trek and none of the movies besides a chunk of The Wrath of Khan (which had aired as a Saturday afternoon matinee at some point), and her reaction was to take a summer to rent all the movies that had already come out, up to First Contact, which wasn't even part of her Star Trek (that being the original series), because she felt our education had been lacking. She's a wonderful human being.
-Signing off.
If it was "that's stupid," you're on the same wavelength as at least half the people I've shown the trailer.*
Unless the crosspiece is supposed to be some kind of "training saber," that is, a lightsaber blade that doesn't actually cut, I can't imagine it being too safe to handle; for that matter, I can't imagine it being very effective for blocking, either, when somebody can potentially cut the emitters. Did the people who designed it know what crosspieces are for?**
I'm nowhere near as positive about this movie as I was when I'd heard the Toy Story III writer was supposed to be doing the script, because it's got a lot in common with "NuTrek" and every time I hear something new about that I think it sounds even more awful...
...but at least a writer who worked on the original trilogy worked on it too, so...
Also I like the new stormtrooper helmets.
*I showed it to my sister and it was nearly her first reaction to the whole trailer. My mother was more excited and positive about the movie as a whole,*** but the lightsaber was her primary nitpick. It didn't really stick in my craw quite so much, but it's definitely my least favorite alternate lightsaber design.
**They're for blocking sword blades and occasionally helping one's grip.
***A big part of the reason why I'm such a huge nerd is because my mother's always been a big nerd herself; particularly, she's a big fan of both Star Trek and Star Wars. There was a conversation my sister and I had with her at some point where she realized that we'd seen very few episodes of Star Trek and none of the movies besides a chunk of The Wrath of Khan (which had aired as a Saturday afternoon matinee at some point), and her reaction was to take a summer to rent all the movies that had already come out, up to First Contact, which wasn't even part of her Star Trek (that being the original series), because she felt our education had been lacking. She's a wonderful human being.
-Signing off.
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