Friday, February 28, 2014

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#109)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)

1081. Tammarians. Tammarians, like the Givin, need to be able to survive in vacuum, and thus have inflatable air sacs (I will point out that the Wookieepedia article uses the word "sack" which is not the spelling used for an anatomical structure), which sound like it wouldn't actually work terribly well (they'd have to be tough or they'd be prone to popping, and even without that they'd leak a lot). They're also mortally afraid of water because their planet doesn't have standing water (um... I mentioned this when I talked about the Kumumgah; it's very unlikely to find a planet with life on it that lacks oceans, though the vacuum thing is also a decidedly negative factor, I guess...).

Rating: 2/5. The Givin have many of these characteristics and have more going for them.

1082. Tammuz-an. The Tammuz-an are purple- and blue-skinned natives (again with the blue and purple? The Tahlbooreans met that description last week) of the planet of the same name.

The Kingdom of Julpa's inhabitants are purple while the inhabitants of the Outer Territories are blue. They're from the Droids cartoon, and thus are largely just human aliens, though with rather exaggerated facial structures.

Rating: 1/5. Incidentally, the Droids cartoon is still my favorite Star Wars cartoon as a Star Wars cartoon. (Read the article if you don't follow me.)

1083. Tamrans. They're from Tamra and have cherubic faces.

Rating: 1/5. ...Wouldn't it be funny if there was a fictional setting where words like that meant different things from the way we use them because they're associated with different things? (I mean, the modern conception of "cherub" is already very different from its original root-a "cherub" in pop culture is basically a little winged baby, but the original cherub is more like the modern idea of an archangel, i.e. the biggest, baddest, toughest angel in the hierarchy, because the root word means "great" or "mighty.")

1084. Tangrene. The Tangrene of the planet Tangrene were peaceful nomads who had remained such throughout their known history, their planet having been discovered by galactic society some three to five thousand years before the movie era.

Their planet being strategically located near a hyperlane, the Empire put a big Imperial Intelligence center on Tangrene; they pressganged the Tangrene natives for the dirty work, and then wiped them out when they were done.

That wacky Empire, it so evil.

Rating: 1/5.

1085. Tanjayans. Native to Tanjay IV.

Rating: 1/5.

1086. Tarasins. Tarasins are more or less dinosaur people, frilled lizard people, and anole (i.e. "American chameleon") people all at once, since they can change color and have frills.

They supposedly aren't terribly strong, and make up for this lack with their cleverness or whatever. They seem to be mostly a small-population indigenous people.

More notably, they're somewhat closely related to a creature called the kilassin, a large predatory near-dinosaur, which I like to call "Slender Saur." (Seriously, look at the picture. That thing's got some disturbing proportions and way-too-human teeth.)

Rating: 4/5, partly because they're neat lizard people and also because of the kilassin relation.

1087. Tarc. The Tarc are powerfully built four-armed arthropod people. Their harsh, arid homelands make them a harsh, unforgiving people, and they believe that emotions are a thing to be kept to oneself rather than shared, causing other species to see them as emotionless. The Tarc have difficulty speaking non-Tarc languages and have unusual digestive systems (supposedly they lack stomachs), and so can only eat small, soft-bodied prey. They are noted to be strong, durable, and dextrous all at once, with a pair of heavy pincer claws on their lower pair of arms for fighting.

The Tarc are excessively xenophobic, and believe that outside influence will weaken and harm their culture, which has some rather unusual fascist vibes, such as arresting people who refuse to vote. Unlike many xenophobes, they have no interest in conquest, but do violently slay any who try to enter their territories and maintain a relatively sizable buffer zone around their homeworld. They do not permit emigration, either, though it's been known to happen.

Their defensive nature brought them into conflict with the Empire, though we don't know any details.

Rating: 5/5. This is partly because they look awesome, and partly because I like a lot of the details.

1088. Targonnians. Targonnians are flipping ugly sort-of-bird people. When I say that, I mean it in a positive way, especially since if one looks at the pages for individual Targonnians, one discovers that they have a wide spectrum of individualized ugliness. (At the time I wrote this article, the Wikimedia site's been oddly sporadic, so there's been some difficulty seeing certain images.)

Their actual species name is uncertain; it's just known they're native to the planet Targonn.

Rating: 3/5. They're so ugly.

1089. Tarnab. The Tarnab are charmingly ugly, though not in the same way as Targonnians. They're described as having a tapir-like snout, which seems quite off to me, as tapirs' snouts have nostrils at the ends while Tarnab seem to have nostrils just about where humans do.

Rating: 3/5.

1090. Tarongs. The Tarongs are seemingly huge gryphon-bird people, with wingspans exceeding thirty feet, and are giant predators. They're picky eaters, though, finding reptiles unpalatable and refusing to eat anything that talks; to make sure that their potential meals don't talk, they chat them up for extended periods before killing them and chowing down. Despite their size and predatory natures, they are pacifistic, and will respond to attacks by seizing the offender and dragging him or her some distance away and gently putting him or her someplace isolated. They do not usually wear clothing other than as decoration, though if visiting a cold planet they'll don protective gear.

Interestingly, the Tarongs are native to two closely linked planets, and seem to be a hybrid species of now-extinct previous natives of the two planets.

Rating: 4/5. A lot of interesting bits there.

-Signing off.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Obligatory Godzilla Trailer Post

Reason #1 why 2014 should have come earlier than it did:

As I said of Pacific Rim, even if this movie is awful it will be wonderful. (Honestly, I have much the same opinion of that one Godzilla movie everyone hates.)

-Signing off.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Japanese Era Words Are Confusing*

I think the most amazing thing about the first Kamen Rider is how young his actor still looks.

If you look at some of the other old Kamen Rider actors, they look... pretty worn. And then there's Hiroshi Fujioka as Takeshi Hongo:

Dude does not look almost seventy (he's 68). Granted, there's a better than average chance he's dyeing his hair, but even so, a lot of fifty-year-olds would be glad to look that young.

Incidentally, if one believes his statements on the matter, he's been eagerly anticipating reprising his role as the first Kamen Rider for probably decades, and has stated that he stays in shape for that very reason.

*Being into Japanese media makes this much more bewildering: Several of the so-called Showa Riders are, as I understand it, actually from the Heisei Era, and I've also seen references to the idea that the Heisei era isn't going anymore even though it is, in references to the "Millennium Era" Godzilla and Gamera films. Sheesh, Japan, why you gotta be so confusing?

For those who need an explanation: The Japanese eras are named in reference to the reigning Japanese Emperors of those times. Since Emperor Hirohito died in 1989, the 90s on are the Heisei era; the previous era was retroactively labeled the Showa era. I find myself wondering (in a non-serious way) if people in Japan need to buy new calendars when royalty passes on.

-Signing off.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#108)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)

1071. T'Syriél. The T'Syriél are neighbors of the Calians, who as far as I'm concerned do not exist (don't ask, though you can of course go look at my tiny furious rant). They must be lonely.

There are apparently twelve tribes of them and they are united. They supposedly have bulldog faces.

That's a funny-looking bulldog.

Anyway, they're also thirty-plus feet tall, which their article doesn't mention, and there's a disturbing and bewildering image of one in same-scaled stormtrooper armor to be found here.


1072. Tahlbooreans. The Tahlbooreans are divided into two races, the blue-skinned Troobs and the purple-skinned Hobors, and these two groups are apparently locked in constant warfare. Both are fairly primitive, though the Troobs embrace what they can get from the galaxy (the Hobors reject the galaxy at large), and their primitive state is the result of an ancient Tahlboorean civilization building a giant cannon and accidentally wrecking the planet with it. Huh.

Rating: 3/5. This is mostly because the Hobors look kind of neat (the Troobs look kind of like a different species) and because their big gun is kind of neat.

1073. Tai'ni. The Tai'ni home system is close to Both, the Bothan home system, and they are apparently allies of the Bothans.

There was a labor dispute in their system involving non-Tai'ni workers, and an important New Republic leader who happened to be a fleet commander was invited to mediate the dispute. Then it turned out that the Bothans (and possibly also the Tai'ni) had somehow arranged the dispute to coincide with the Caamas document crisis as a safety precaution, so that there would be a well-led fleet in the area.

Rating: 3/5. Dudes willing to do that sort of thing for pals are kind of neat.

1074. Tal Nami. The Tal Nami are native to Hutt Space, and really dislike the Hutts, who have basically enslaved the majority of them (the Hutts do that to everybody in Hutt Space, of course). They apparently vitally need to eat two foods that can only be found on their home planet, and this has turned them into Traders with a Capital T. They hate swindlers and hunt down anyone who actually cheats them with extreme prejudice, but have a code of honor that assumes each party is trying to get the better of the other person and that this is how one ensures fairness.

Rating: 3/5. Some of these features feel incompatible to me, and I'm the guy who thinks it's great when features clash with each other.

1075. Talid. The Talid homeworld of Ando Prime is a cold world similar to Hoth, and Talid thus mildly resemble yaks and have a cold-weather-biased culture. Their homeworld is also the location of many Bendu monasteries, the ancient Order of Dai Bendu being one of the predecessors of the Jedi Order.

In effect, Ando Prime is Space Tibet and the Talid are probably basically Space Sherpas. I can't say I find this especially tasteful in many respects.

Rating: 1/5. "Jedi-Bendu" was one of the early-draft names for the Jedi Order, for you trivia buffs.

1076. Tallan. Presumably native to the planet of the same name.

Except it doesn't actually have the same name, it's named Tallaan, and as near as I can tell there's no explicit connection between the Tallan and Tallaan-if there is, the article is not sufficiently enlightening.

Rating: 1/5.

1077. Talorons. The Talorons are blue-skinned "humanoids" (in this case meaning pretty close to human, other than their apparently blue skin) who were peaceful farmers and such until pirates took up residence in their system and started regularly raiding them. This resulted in the Talorons forming a group called the Taloron Hunters, who are elite mercenary types and bounty hunters and whatever. The conflict with the pirates would continue from late in the time of the Old Republic to the early days of the Empire.

As a group, the Hunters didn't take sides in the Galactic Civil War, and some hunted Rebels for the Empire while others went on missions for the Alliance.

Eventually (well after the movie era), their homeworld found itself inside the Chiss Ascendancy, the power ruled, of course, by the Chiss.

Rating: 3/5. The Taloron Hunters wear armor inspired by early sketches of the Emperor's Imperial Guards (those red-cloaked guys from Return of the Jedi), incidentally.

1078. Talortai. Apparently, the Talortai are universally or near-universally Force-sensitive. They don't see the light and dark sides of the Force the same way the Jedi Order does, however. They're bird people with shaggy feather/hair.

The only known member of the group was a bodyguard to Tyber Zann, a major crime lord that led a group strong enough to pose a military threat to the Galactic Empire. (Ah, Star Wars RTS games...)

Rating: 3/5. This is primarily based on appearance, and also slightly on the fact that I'm intrigued by the concept of alternate Force philosophies. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one, because most of the time alternate Force philosophies will essentially be forcibly (oops, sorry about the pun) retconned into just being ALL DARK SIDE ALL THE TIME.

1079. Talvarians. A supposedly honorable "species of non-humans."

That is such an awkward phrasing it makes me wonder if there are actually supposed to be multiple species of humans in the Star Wars galaxy.

Rating: 1/5.

1080. Talz. The Talz are big, furry guys with four eyes and teeny tiny little proboscis things for mouths. The smaller pair of eyes are apparently diurnal eyes while the larger are nocturnal eyes; this is an adaptation against snowblindness, because they're from one of those always-arctic planets.

The Talz have massive claws, and this with their sheer size makes them intimidating to most species, but the majority of them are exceedingly gentle. (The Talz outcast Broonmark believed that they had once been brutal warriors and embraced the idea, but other Talz seem to reject the notion.) Their culture is very primitive, and they are often seen as dimwitted or even animals; they also have little concept of personal ownership, and so are often regarded as thieves.

They were supposedly discovered by the Galactic Empire, but there is a fair amount of evidence that handfuls of them could be found in the galaxy at large literal millennia before the Empire's founding, so that is quite dubious.

At some point well after the movie era, some Talz apparently served as stormtroopers. Again with the alien stormtroopers? Huh.

Rating: 4/5. Hum, not a single 5/5 this time around.

-Signing off.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

This Is Some Kind of Thing

This Google... whatever is kinda fun, although I'm definitely not using it to its "full potential."

Probably the single funniest thing that happened was when "Emily Dickinson" changed me addressing "Dickens" to "Dickinson" and "Charles Dickens" changed it to "Oliver Twist." What, guys, what.

Okay, no, the funniest thing was "Poe" suddenly typing "THE END" and the document got locked. (I also managed to call Shakespeare a hack without it getting edited.)

-Signing off.

Monday, February 17, 2014

This Blog Here Is Now The Blog That Is Doing The Blogging In This Place And Also At This Time

I was watching the current Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, and decided that I wanted to see if anyone had posted a compilation of Kraangspeak, the oddball and hilarious unique grammar used by the otherdimensional villains of the series.

You let me down, YouTube, because this is the best result for that and it's not even a Kraang.

Kraangspeak is easily my favorite thing about the new show (I know it's in, what, its third season? Doesn't matter, there have been three others in my lifetime and the next-most-recent one is already over ten years old-it's still the new one and will be until the next rebooted show), and that's saying something because it's a pretty good show overall, probably the best TMNT show if you're nostalgic for the first Ninja Turtles cartoon. (Which wasn't and isn't bad, but it's also rather... I don't want to say sillier, but there you are.)

The only way to improve on it would be to get the Pat Fraley Krang voice* to deliver some Kraangspeak lines.

Pretty sure that'd be the most amazing thing in TMNT history.

*I'm aware that the link is missing its Pat Fraley Krang sample, but it still has its Pat Fraley BraveStarr sample to contrast with this post's Pat Fraley Krang sample, which is something that can be appreciated. In this time and place. Meh, that's a lame Kraangspeak effort.

-Signing off.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#107)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)

(This post excludes Syrox, which appears to be a predatory/parasitic creature that lacks a brain and thus is rather unlikely to be sapient despite the location of its listing.

As a side note, I think this post has the fewest entries where I could perform a quick double-click to select the species' name ever. That's kinda weird.)

1061. Swimming People of Dellalt. The Swimming People of Dellalt are one of my favorite things ever. (NOTE: Please do not think of the page image as being an accurate representation of one.)

They're giant plesiosauroid beings that, despite their size and primarily aquatic natures, are basically just regular people, such that they have gang wars over business rights and use phrases such as "use their language, woman" (with each other). (I first mentioned them on this blog here.)

And even better, despite the difficulties you'd think they'd have with it, there was at least one Dellaltian Jedi, and he apparently made a holocron (a type of special recording device that only really skilled Force users can make). (He was also primarily active on watery planets, apparently, which explains at least one thing.)

Rating: 5/5. I love these guys.

1062. Swokes Swokes. Swokes Swokes are big, rather ugly types. Some of them have tails with spiked/clubbed tips.

Swokes Swokes are apparently blessed with an extremely durable anatomy which gets compared to that of a planarian, though unlike the Amanin they aren't actually planarians. While their lifespans are comparable to those of humans, Swokes Swokes get tougher as they get older, and the oldest are the most formidable. They can regenerate grievous wounds in a matter of days as long as they don't exert themselves, regrowing limbs and the like. Their resistance to pain is so high that they often surgically install jewelry near their vital organs. Their durability makes Swokes Swokes naturally rather pugnacious.

We also know that Swokes Swokes have an enormous group of catacombs on their home planet (such that it can be seen from space), tend towards religious zealotry, eat candy shaped like skulls for festivals (amusingly, in addition to Swokes Swokes skulls this candy may take the shape of human, Cerean, or Wookiee skulls as well as possibly other species), don't mind eating out of troughs at restaurants, and whose native language is named Swoken.

In other words, there are a lot of little details on them.

At least one Swokes Swokes was named Oakie Dokes (derp) and having a double name (e.g. Wruuta Wruuta) is apparently something of a status symbol.

Rating: 5/5. They're very likable.

1063. Swonks. Ambiguously canonical reptilians. There's supposedly an illustration, but the article lacks one; that could have significantly affected the rating.

Rating: 1/5. Incidentally, their article is a particular mess, because at least once they get called "Skeïtos" in the text.

1064. Sy Myrthians. Sy Myrthians are bizarre mammal/gastropod hybrids, which means they have hair and move on their tail-stomach-things.

Rating: 3/5, purely on the weight of them being "mammalian gastropods."

1065. Syboona. Syboona are kind of silly-looking blue aliens. Their faces are somewhere between horses and some sort of herbivorous dinosaurs, and they have big clawed hands.

Rating: 2/5. This comes from appearance.

1066. Sylphes. Ambiguously canonical people who are plants who can interbreed with humans and have special snowflake features like telepathy and pacifism.

Rating: 1/5. I... kinda wound up being cranky when I read that.

1067. T'kkrpk. T'kkrpk apparently are very long-lived insectoids. Their most notable cultural feature is that they used to calculate time via a system incompatible with Galactic Standard, and they changed over almost a hundred years before the movie era, and because of the oddities of the system and possibly general apathy and laziness, most T'kkrpk aren't sure exactly how old they are in the movie era.

Rating: 3/5. Partly because they're long-lived insect aliens and partly because they come across as hilariously lazy.

1068. T'landa Til. The t'landa Til (note the odd capitalization) are distant relatives of the Hutts. Like the Hutts, they are very large and resistant to Jedi mind tricks; unlike the Hutts, they are shaped rather like rhinoceroses with tiny little arms sticking out of their throat regions (though their facial structures are just enough like a Hutt's that you can sort of believe they're somewhat related).

They evolved on the Hutt homeworld of Varl (I talk a little about Varl in the Rybets entry here) and, like the Hutts, now live on the planet Nal Hutta. They are distinctly second-class citizens in Hutt society, but unlike others who interact closely with the Hutts, apparently aren't universally enslaved, haven't had their places of habitation turned into nature preserves they aren't allowed to be on, prone to being hunted for food, or anything like that. So, second-class citizens but nowhere near "property at best" in a position where that's often the norm.

Male t'landa Til can make special vibrations and empathic projections that combine to have a euphoria-inducing effect on t'landa Til females and also members of many other sapient species. While its primary purpose is obviously for mating, a group of t'landa Til in Hutt employ founded a cult that used the euphoric sensations to convince people they were holy and then used their recruits as slave labor because the rapturous effects of their "holy powers" were highly addictive. The species was obscure enough on the galactic scale that their close association with Hutts was unknown at the time, and so a lot of people were taken in, including Han Solo's first girlfriend, who after he helped her escape the cult would become a violent Rebel operative known for massacring slavers and was also somehow involved in capturing the Death Star plans (small galaxy, especially since that means she's not the only person who was at some point romantically involved with Han Solo who was involved in capturing the Death Star plans). Those t'landa Til would later be mostly killed, especially since one of them poisoned a Hutt. (The Hutt was Aruk the Hutt, the extremely old and rather doddery parent of Durga the Hutt, who after Jabba's death would be one of the biggest crime lords in space and a major competitor to Jabba's clan beforehand. Durga actually personally killed Jiliac, Jabba's uncle/aunt that Jabba took over from, when Durga found out that Jiliac had ordered the t'landa Til minion to actually perform the poisoning. Hutt gang wars are kind of fun.)

Rating: 5/5. T'landa Til are kind of loveable in a scumbag sort of way.

1069. T'rinn. They have bright plumage of some sort.

Rating: 1/5.

1070. T'surr. T'surr are huge, blue-skinned guys with four eyes and four arms (although their second pair are much smaller than their first). They are noted as especially dangerous and "predatory," their threat level supposedly mitigated only by their relative rarity.

Hilariously, apparently the male T'surr are noted as being extremely threatening and cunning, brutalizing each other and members of other species, but also as being incredibly dominated by the female T'surr, and supposedly most T'surr found off of their homeworld are male T'surr who essentially seem to be seeking freedom from their significant others.

Rating: 4/5. Huge brutal henpecked guys. That is the concept, and it is a treasure. They look cool, too.

-Signing off.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Genre-Savvy Rock Guy

This monster is one of my favorites from the Armor Hero series. Mostly because it's got a unique power (which is rare in that series) and also because it shows unusual intelligence for a monster (indeed, most of the monsters from the first Armor Hero show don't display any signs of intelligence at all).

The unusual intelligence, of course, is it blocking a finisher attack. You'd think more monsters of the week would figure out how to do that, or at least how to duck, but no...

-Signing off.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Sorry If This Song Gets Stuck In Your Head

Every now and again, someone will say "[imported product x]" is much more [serious/dark/edgy/some qualifier intended to claim it's superior even though there's plenty of solid dreck which those qualifiers describe] in the [original version/other source material]." For instance, "Super Sentai is much more serious than Power Rangers."

Even if both Power Rangers and Sentai weren't long-running franchises with great variation in quality and tone, there's an easy proof to tell you that there's something wrong with your statement: This music number taken from an episode of Zyuranger, which was used to create the first season of Power Rangers.

"Witch Bandora" there is the main villain. And she regularly would spontaneously break into song (and a song wherein she repeatedly uses part of her own name for no apparent reason, for that matter).

Yup, much more serious.

-Signing off.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#106)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)

1051. Sulituans. Sulituans are cool-looking creatures that are basically air-living, gravitationally improbable nautilus creatures. Adorably, they come from the planet Archae Teuthis.

Rating: 4/5. Sometimes you just need some vaguely cephalopod aliens with a planet named after the giant squid.

1052. Sullorians. From Sulloria.

Rating: 1/5.

1053. Sullustans. Also known as Bomewrights, Sullustans have odd flaps of skin on their heads, but are still classified as near-human, a term that has become progressively more confusing the more often I've seen it used. You might, looking at Sullustans, recognize them as the species from which Lando Calrissian's Death Star run co-pilot comes.

They're basically mole people who became naturally good at navigation because of living in tunnels or something, and who aren't very susceptible to becoming drunk. They are presumably good drivers because of this. They also are known as a culture to find xenophobia a foreign concept, which you wouldn't expect out of people whose culture was born in tunnels.

Also, Sullustans practice polyandry, and despite most lacking hair altogether are known for their skill in hairdressing.

Rating: 4/5. That's quite a lot of peculiar, interesting features together.

1054. Sumrias. The Sumrias come from the Lol system. Yes, really.

They apparently developed base-eight mathematics because at least one of their castes have four fingers per hand, and their system of calculating artillery range was adopted as standard by the Empire, which doesn't sound at all practical for people usually reliant on a base-ten system. (Why not? Long story short: When counting in base eight, it would be represented "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10." Don't tell me you'd be able to keep that straight when using base-ten simultaneously.)

Rating: 2/5, for coming from the Lol system more than anything.

1055. Sunesi. The Sunesi are "amphibian" humanoids, which in this case means they look like humans with big bulgy heads and odd skin. They actually start life as some sort of hairy, nonsapient creatures, and then go through a metamorphosis into hairless adults.

Central to the metamorphosis is something called cirrifog, which is an airborne crystalline substance which is highly toxic to offworlders; the cirrifog is converted into a cocoon by the maturing Sunesi. When the Empire mined the planet, it started depleting the cirrifog from the atmosphere, and the Sunesi objected, resulting in the Empire treating the Sunesi like trash.

Uniquely, the Sunesi worship a being called the Maker, and this being is explicitly intended to be the same being that droids sort of worship.

Rating: 3/5. Those are some odd details, and that's good.

1056. Surronians. Surronian society centers around guilds. Each of these guilds apparently is governed by a hive-mind of some sort, although the hive-mind apparently also lets individuality exist (maybe).

Surronians are known for their ship designs, which are relatively unusual, and unlike many known shipbuilders, have at least three specific designs attributed to them (Starlight light freighters [a light freighter being an accurate albeit inadequate description of the Millennium Falcon as well], Conqueror-class assault ships [which are a sort of long-range fighter], and Surronian Farstars [which are seen as valuable collectible vessels, three of which were bet by Lando Calrissian to persuade an opponent in a high-stakes card game to bet the Cloud City mining platform, hence a shiftless gambler outlaw being a wealthy mining baron in charge of an entire city]).

Rating: 3/5. Their cultural setup sounds interesting, and their "known for shipbuilding" description means something.

1057. Suurjans. Suurjans appear to be somewhat proverbial, for a character in a story remarked "they'd have heard you on Suurja" and received the reply "Suurjans don't have ears."

Apparently, they don't have ears.

Rating: 2/5. I just realized that sloppily pronouncing "Suurjan" sounds a lot like "surgeon." "Surgeons don't have ears."

1058. Svivreni. Svivreni are described as "equinoid" (horse-like), but only have cloven hooves (which horses don't have) to mark them as anything other than flop-eared "near-humans." They're apparently in the three-feet-or-shorter range but have powerful musculatures and are capable of outrunning some species taller than themselves, though supposedly not humans. (This comes from odd quirks of a Star Wars rpg, where a possible typo was canonized in a way that let Svivreni be treated as "medium-sized" for any purpose but dodging and targeting, for which they are considered "small.") They also often grow their hair long and are slightly longer-lived than humans (which isn't remotely unreasonable, as cats live somewhat longer than dogs and are generally smaller).

They apparently consider any variation of the phrase/word/term "goodbye" bad luck, and so instead say "the journey begins, so go," and have various other linguistic quirks established.

Rating: 3/5. I kind of find their artwork/description clash annoying, but I like a fair bit of the rest of it.

1059. Swamp Maidens. Swamp Maidens are an all-female species known for producing some of the galaxy's best exotic dancers.


I mean, really, what.

Who wrote this? Whose idea was this, exactly? Who thought it was a good idea to come up with the idea of a race of all-women dancers of an implicitly sexualized nature?

I'm genuinely curious, because this is weird as heck.

Rating: 1/5.

1060. Swaze. The Swaze are an advanced civilization, but they're totally into the advice given by the Rellarin.

It took a lot of effort to not add a surferdude/hippie-style "maaaaan" to the end of that sentence.

Rating: 1/5. It's kind of silly that there's a group who's entirely defined by the fact that they think the Rellarin are rad. I mean, the Rellarin are rad, because they're huge, intimidating guys with spikes for mouths who are also reknowned for kindness and wisdom, but still.

-Signing off.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Contractually Obligated Movie Trailer Post

The first real trailer for the next Transformers movie is out. (It was first released in something that has something to do with large bowls, I think?*)

I kind of love the fact that it's kind of obvious that somebody at some point just went "You know what? SCREW IT, WE'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE ALL THE AWESOME! YES, OPTIMUS WILL RIDE A DINOSAUR ROBOT!"

*Yeah, yeah, it was the Superbowl spot. The only reason I knew the Superbowl was last week was because of a charity event thing that happens at the same time every year. I actually have started to really enjoy the fact that I don't watch broadcast television anymore.

Because I hate a lot of things on TV, to be honest.

So now I only watch TV shows I want to watch, and can skip almost all the commercials. It's wonderful.

-Signing off.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Context Changes Everything

Okay, so there's no denying this parody video is funny.

It's also heartbreaking, because they didn't change the line "that perfect girl is gone." People in the comments section are responding as if there's something silly and wrong with that somehow.

Guys, when Mr. Freeze says "that perfect girl is gone" he's talking about his (probably) dead wife.

-Signing off.