Friday, March 13, 2015

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#146)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)

(A good long while back I did "Balmasian" but turns out it was "Bamasian." But the link is correct. Huh.)

1451. Arakhyn. The Arakhyn are pretty big fellas, standing taller than most tall humans, and the art of them is a bit sketchy but kind of interesting, if also sorta generic. (Amazing how that can happen.)

Most of the information on them surrounds their behavior and culture-they are "instinctive and relentless" hunters, their male youths are abandoned on hostile planets as a sort of coming of age ceremony-if they successfully survive, kill hostile entities, and then escape, they can be adults.

...This is actually kind of odd to think about, because when I read "hostile planet" I kind of assume some kind of wild jungle or desert business empty of civilization, but them escaping would seem to imply that these planets would have to be inhabited so that they could steal local spacecraft. Which is kind of a hilarious (and disturbing) thought-they dump their kids on some planet with only one or two little spaceports, and expect them to trek across a continent to the spaceport or something. (I think I've read that novel series.)

Anyway, they apparently speak in growls and implicitly need translators to speak English/Basic.

They supposedly seek the "biggest prey" in the galaxy to hunt; their entry also notes that they don't always "measure the danger they face" and attack the biggest threat without heed; I kind of think that they must be measuring it pretty well if they're after the "biggest prey" and always attacking the most serious threats.

They are described as "mythical lone hunters" who may tolerate valorous humanoids as allies for the sake of greater exploits.

Rating: 3/5. Considering the general sketchiness, I really like these guys.

1452. Assorhians. The Assorhians are natives of Assorhan (...) and rule the Assorhian Kingdom (...), and are divided into two races, the black-skinned Osoppohans (rulers) and the white-skinned Asoppohans (slaves).


Rating: 1/5.

1453. Atoan. Okay, this is kind of a weird one.

Atoan look like humans, but have a language other than English/Basic that they speak (an Atoan character claimed she'd learned Basic by cutting out and eating the tongue of a stormtrooper [!!!] in some kind of ritual) and a significant anatomical difference in that, instead of one central heart, they have many tiny blood-pumps throughout their bodies.

They're also cross-fertile with humans. ...What.

Rating: 2/5. Actually, this is because of the bizarreness of the tongue-eating. Disturbing as it is, the concept appeals to me in a fictional context, and it actually matches up more with how human cannibalism usually occurs in traditional cultures-it's thought of as a way to steal the skills, strength, and knowledge of one's enemies.

1454. B'nishi. Native to B'nish.

Rating: 1/5.

1455. Bah'r Kilido. They have pink skin and grow horns from their noses (like, where their nostrils should be) and chins.

"Where their nostrils should be" is precisely how the matter is described, by the way.

The one known individual, Suppoon, was a crime boss who committed numerous atrocities in his previous job as a planetary governor under an assumed name; unfortunately for him, his past caught up with him when Jabba revealed his other identity to a guy who was working as muscle for Suppoon, who had grown up on that planet and had watched his parents die in a riot that Suppoon had caused.

Suppoon turned a gun on the guy, but it turns out that shooting a dude whose armor is heavy enough to smother a grenade by hugging it isn't especially effective, and apparently the guy's armor was also reflective, so this had rather predictable results, that being decapitation by his own weapons fire.

Rating: 1/5. While that's an amusing story, he has horns where nostrils should be the actual species isn't that interesting.

1456. Bedlam spirits. The Bedlam spirits (native to a planet named Bedlam-a bit on the nose there) are one of the most bizarre and whimsical things in Star Wars, being nigh-omnipotent entities from an early Alan Moore story (that's always the way with the very oddest things in early Star Wars) that had power over time, space, energy, matter, and life and death. One of them "playfully" killed a number of characters (this is slightly excused by her believing she'd created them by accident, being a bit dim), including Princess Leia (!), whilst warping reality, and then tasked one of their members, Splendid Ap, with cleaning up the mess, restoring the victims to life. He did, but because he didn't properly understand linear time, the poor bunch of Imperial soldiers he brought back to life ended up sometime in the distant past, leading to Leia discovering their skeletal remains nearby when she regained consciousness.

Other than the awe-inspiring Splendid Ap, other Bedlam spirits go by the names Tilotny, Horliss-Horliss, and Cold Danda Sine.

Rating: 4/5. It's mostly Spendid Ap, but these are almost definitely my favorite Alan Moore creations in all of Star Wars.

1457. Bivall. The Bivall are clam-headed aliens (oy) native to the planet Protobranch (which is a great name for a planet).

I'm a little torn. On the one hand, I like the idea of clam-headed aliens. On the other hand, these guys are a bit too derpy.

Then again, one of them was a research scientist who was involved with the Zillo Beast plotline, which was basically "Godzilla on Coruscant." ...Eh.

Rating: 2/5. The Zillo Beast association won't save you from a low score, you disappointing clam-heads.

1458. Botori. Bears from Botor.

Rating: 1/5. Sounds like a rock band.

1459. Chalactans. The Chalactans are near-humans who look somewhat like and have vague cultural associations with Asian Indians. That's a bit tasteless (calling them an alien species, that is).

Anyway, they contributed a lot of Jedi Masters to a certain era (at least four), and while most of them have oddball pseudo-foreign/slightly alien names, one of them is known only by the name Simms.


I don't know, that amuses me.

Rating: 1/5.

1460. Chekut. They opportunistically invaded somebody else's planet at some point.

Rating: 1/5. And I don't care.

-Signing off.

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