Friday, April 17, 2015

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#148)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)

(Skipped giant [as a generic classification rather than a species, it doesn't belong on this list], two Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas species, and "harrower assassin," which describes a bioengineered weapon created from human Force-sensitives rather than a species.

Also, as you might be able to tell from this article spanning from "d" to "j," this article took forever to find the species for.

This article might be boring because of the sparsity of decent articles to draw from.)

1471. Dyclops. Okay, what do you expect when you read that name?

Do you expect some kind of stupid pun, like a two-headed being whose individual heads have one eye apiece?

If that's what you expected, then congratulations, because that's what we've got!

Rating: 1/5. ...It's not even the first time I've seen this basic pun in the last month or two.

1472. Elespads. Elespads are apparently little cloak-wearing elephant people.

As they were encountered in a particular old Star Wars video game, I'm under the impression they must in fact be dangerous as heck, because apparently in that particular game, virtually everything could instantly kill Luke by gently brushing against him.

Rating: 2/5, because I'm amused by the idea that the harmless-looking elephant guy in the picture is deadlier than a stormtrooper.

1473. Ertraxi. They exist? Probably?

Rating: 1/5.

1474. Gannymedans. This name is one of those names that made me think there must be a typo, but no, it's not even Gannymede, it's Gannymeda.


Rating: 1/5. There's literally nothing else about them.

1475. Globlours. "Considered unattractive" by humans, their society is apparently primitive and has primitive people traits.

Rating: 1/5. Meh.

1476. Glothians. ...Anybody here?

*crickets chirp*

Rating: 1/5. That's a lot of 1/5s from near-total lack of content or general stupidity in a row.

1477. Gorach. The Gorach apparently had an empire at some point. Gasp-an actual trait!

Wonder of wonders, we have an idea of what they look like-four-armed fangy alien gorillas-and other information, including a legend that they're immortal unless killed by violence. There must have been a whole lot of violence going on, because the Gorach were virtually extinct at the time of the story featuring them.

The last known individual of the species, an artist (?!), apparently survived the war that felled their empire by several thousand years, living on the Pa'Lowick homeworld and becoming a legendary figure in the minds of the locals. He lived until such time as a Hutt game hunter showed up and killed him for sport.

Rating: 4/5. I am surprised at the awesomeness, to be frank.

1478. Half-Bothans. The half-Bothans would presumably be half-Bothan, half-something-other-than-human, by virtue of the fact that they have satyr legs, which Bothans don't... except that they have more human-looking heads than Bothans are usually depicted as having. (Older art of Bothans actually gives them more human-like appearances, but...) They're also described as "ungulate," which is something Bothans aren't remotely.

Making things more bewildering, the guy who said "all point-eared species are Sephi or related to them" brought it up when asked about half-Bothans. The frick are you even talking about?! The "Sephi unification theory" doesn't make any sense at the best of times, and this is worse than most of the places I've seen the reference.

Rating: 1/5. The sad thing is, I prefer the more-human Bothans and I even prefer the vague possibility of human/Bothan interbreeding... but this doesn't even make sense in that context!

1479. J'feh. J'feh are pink-red octopodes who apparently tend to live in floating water-filled globes.

That's pretty awesome.

Rating: 4/5.

1480. Jashwik. The only known member of this species, Cody Sunn-Childe, apparently speculated that all Jashwik are Force-sensitive.

Cody Sunn-Childe himself certainly qualifies, apparently being magically invulnerable to flames and separating out his violent impulses into monsters (Arbrans, is that you?), which he then reabsorbed to protect others from their rampages, then summoning them again to attack an Imperial assault force, then, uh, doing something that let the Imperials kill him (and a bunch of other people) for the sake of his dedication to pacifism.

...Right then. I'm sure the Imperials got your point on pacifism.

Incidentally, the character design strikes me as a bit racist (again with the racism, huh?)

Rating: 1/5. If I seem a little negative about this article, it's because I am.

-Signing off.

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