Friday, December 5, 2014

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#139)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)

1381. Unidentified diminutive species. These guys are basically angry-looking koalas.

There's something familiar-sounding about that...

Oh, yeah, in Schlock Mercenary one of the most racist and fascist alien species in the galaxy is basically a bunch of koala people. That probably explains why I find these guys kind of familiar.

...Not that I'm accusing these guys of being evil in any way; I'm sure they just kind of look angry.

Rating: 2/5. Because angry koala people are amusing.

1382. Unidentified Dreffon IV species. These people are native to Dreffon IV, and love to eat a fruit apparently also native to Dreffon IV, the plasmaberry. (Which... sounds a bit weird, since plasma generally refers to either a component of blood or the stuff of which stars are composed.)

...All of them? Every single one of them? Even the ones who have severe allergic reactions to plasmaberries?

Because it's not unlikely that there'd be some with allergic reactions to the things, and even something that's widely seen as good can't be loved by everyone (I can't actually stand blueberries, f'r instance, and on the subject of allergies my sister has a fairly nasty allergy to strawberries even though strawberry is one of her favorite flavors).

Rating: 1/5.

1383. Unidentified Eeyyon species. They apparently have pale skin and (SURPRISE) come from the planet Eeyyon, which I have trouble not reading as "Eeyore."

Rating: 1/5.

1384. Unidentified eight-valved species. Okay, this species is ultimately from Monsters and Aliens from George Lucas, which is a non-canonical book that I've largely ignored here, not insignificantly because its content rarely feels like it "fits." Never mind that there's all sorts of things as variable as crazy space gods and Force demons and slug crime lords and carnivorous meat products in the Star Wars galaxy, for some reason these things still mostly feel "off."

But the reason this species is listed is because its existence is inferred from a piece of music.

It apparently has a green, eight-valved heart, and the lyrics suggest that said heart pumps mercury (though this might be part of an idiomatic metaphor, considering that the song states that "the mercury has gone from this eight-valve heart," which definitely sounds metaphorical to me). Other anatomical features apparently include chloroplasts, multiple mouths, and something on which the entity slides. And the being may also be aquatic, based on the fact that the song mentions that "fluorescent plankton filled our cave."

Incidentally, it was a crying song.

Rating: 4/5. I'm laughing.

1385. Unidentified Firro species. They live on Firro, which was brutally subjugated by the Empire.

Apparently, the medical droid 2-1B used to work on the planet, treating civilians, before the new Imperial governor took possession of him for his own use.

Then a Rebel shot the guy in a "scuffle" and 2-1B decided to join the Rebellion of his own volition, because he'd been upset by how the governor had been treating the natives of Firro.

This... is actually really funny, because the magazine Star Wars Insider used to have a column presented as being written by 2-1B, and he was the crankiest, pettiest robot ever to be associated with the Star Wars universe.

Although that's not really here nor there.

Rating: 1/5.

1386. Unidentified Fortnay species. These now-extinct natives of a world called Fortnay apparently once defeated superior oppressors, according to a document they left behind that someone had managed to translate. This translator was actually seeking a way for the Rebellion to topple the Empire by doing historical and archaeological research.

Which is sorta interesting, but one still shakes one's head.

Rating: 1/5.

1387. Unidentified Gap Nine species. They're apparently "reptiloid," and native to Gap Nine, which is only significant to a group I didn't cover (mentioned here).

Rating: 1/5.

1388. Unidentified Garr'lst species. Apparently, they were wiped out by a mercenary group.

Rating: 1/5. Mostly irrelevant: The mercenary force involved was later themselves severely devastated by a weapon called a Death Spiral, which is apparently a stack of circular gun things.

1389. Unidentified googly-eyed species. "Unidentified googly-eyed species?" Seriously? That's what you're going to call them?

Then one learns that they're an extragalactic species which is powerful enough to pull a Star Trek omnipotent aliens plot on inhabitants of the Star Wars galaxy.


I'll point out-based on analysis done by various parties, an Imperial Star Destroyer, which is technically sort of a combination patrol and picket ship role-wise (albeit also built for independent engagements, because the Empire doesn't fool around), is also capable of the same job that another setting's "planet killer" performs.

So we're kind of talking about a high-end group here, because subduing a Star Destroyer as easily as they implicitly did without damaging it would take a lot of work.

Rating: 2/5. Because they're apparently "googly-eyed" and apparently absurdly powerful. That makes me crack a smirk, anyway.

1390. Unidentified Gottlegoob species. Apparently, this species suffered from famine.

Also, for some reason the pronoun "they" was capitalized in their article at one point, which strikes me as a bit funny.

Rating: 1/5. I'm so full of empathy. /sarcasm

-Signing off.

No comments: