Friday, November 14, 2014

Invid's Guide to the Star Wars Universe: Alien Species (#138)

The Massive Index (Posts #1-#100)
The Less Massive Index (Posts #101-#110)
The Second Less Massive Index (Posts #111-#120)
The Third Less Massive Index (Posts #121-#130)

1371. Unidentified Byrsym species. Apparently, their planet, Byrsym, was sufficiently hot that they preferred to come out at night.

...Wow, that's a lot to go on.

Rating: 1/5.

1372. Unidentified camel-like bounty hunter's species. Okay, I'm looking at the page picture and having serious doubts that it's not actually a human/almost human being drawn slightly abstractly. "Camel-like?" Where the flip did that come from, exactly?

Also I kinda want to remove that guy's smug smirk (not least because apparently he's smirking at a woman who was seduced, betrayed, and then mutilated by horrible burns SERIOUSLY WHAT). Grr.

Rating: 1/5.

1373. Unidentified cantina patron's species. Okay, these guys are just modestly generic blue people such as have been seen a few times already. But they come from a story called "A Stranger in Town" which is well worth mentioning for its own sake. You see, "A Stranger in Town" is the story in which Yoda wanders into a town while carrying a crate the size of a semi cab (ON HIS BACK, NOT WITH THE FORCE THAT WE CAN TELL), buys a quick drink, and then, as a Separatist battalion shows up, opens up the crate to reveal an oversized personal artillery piece, with which he promptly obliterates the entire battalion. And then he leaves.

(All that certainly explains why Yoda walked with a cane when he lived on Dagobah, don't you think?)

That's why there's a planet that's called "Unidentified planet (Yoda's chaingun)" on Wookieepedia, and an article called "Battle of unidentified planet (Yoda's chaingun)."

I know that the old Expanded Universe has its detractors, and not without reason, but it was still a beautiful thing.

Rating: 3/5.

1374. Unidentified Cilpar species. They had a long-gone civilization that conveniently left behind a bunch of big old templed that were well-suited for resistance movements to hide in. They... could actually have been human.

Rating: 1/5. Ever notice how much danger the Rebels put ancient cultural artifacts in? They really liked using old temples as bases, see.

1375. Unidentified Crystan V species. They're apparently little.

And green.


Rating: 1/5.

1376. Unidentified dead red moon species. They were long-extinct when their homeworld was visited in a story set a year after A New Hope. They lived on a now-dead red moon, which is a funny description for a place.

Incidentally, their long-dead homeworld was then atomized by an artificial supernova induced by an Imperial traitor trying to destroy both an Imperial fleet and Rebel forces.

...Wow, special.

Rating: 1/5.

1377. Unidentified Delderaan species. Apparently, their northern tribes wove multicolored balls of yarn. Uh?

Rating: 1/5.

1378. Unidentified Dersonn III species. They were rendered nearly extinct, and the survivors were enslaved, by a sociopathic Wookiee bounty hunter.

Oh, nice, the Wookiee's article contains detailed descriptions of how he stalked and murdered his entire tribe and then a group of slavers! Just what I always wanted in an article! /sarcasm

...What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, this completely anonymous victim species!

Rating: 1/5.

1379. Unidentified dianoga-like species. They may actually be related to dianogas (trash compactor monsters), as the known member of the species was apparently native to the dianoga homeworld. And they apparently are an advanced civilization, because they apparently utilize terraforming. Also, said sole known member of the species was a mercenary.

That's awesome.

Rating: 4/5. It would take almost no effort to bump that up to a full 5/5.

1380. Unidentified diminutive pointed-eared species. They have egg-shaped heads with colored spots on top.

Rating: 1/5.

-Signing off.

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