Monday, August 4, 2014

Goodbye, Autobnnsleve

About a week ago, the phone I'd had for the last, oh, maybe two years suddenly became terminally ill and was in dire need of immediate replacement.

And unfortunately, its replacement is so terrible that I literally have had its official nickname entered in as "Really Stupid Phone." (This is a real thing I have actually done. I clearly win at adulthood.)

Anyway, while my old phone was far superior to the current one, it had its moments of stupidity such that I occasionally chucked it at walls. And I've been meaning to talk about it for ages, so now seems the time.

The real standout feature of the old phone experience was its text messaging autocomplete function, which is just about the most fun I've ever had trying to communicate with another human being.

Don't forget cat food. If I had listened to autobnnsleve, it would have been "don't forget act done."

Yes, for whatever reason, my old phone's autocomplete wanted to fill in "autocomplete" as "autobnnsleve."

Zur. ...stupid autobnnsleve still doesn't know "yup." Yet it knows endor.

(In fairness, it probably knows "endor" because of "endorphins" or something. I never checked.) Eventually, I was deliberately writing it as "autobnnsleve," because I memorized its spelling and it amused me so.

[omitted first part of message] Autobnnsleve doesn't know pooped even though it knows poop.

(I omitted chunks of the previous and following messages for reasons.) That is an important word to know, and just because there are workarounds doesn't necessarily make it forgivable.

My new phone's autocomplete has its own issues, and its own name it wants to be identified by.

[omitted first part of message] Attmanorlete on this phone doesn't know a stupid number of words... Including most of that last sentence.

"Attmanorlete" is far inferior to its predecessor, not least because it's a lot bossier and harder to work around when it refuses to get a word right, which is frequently. There's a way to enter letter individually, but it's drecky and time-consuming.

That said, today the new phone made me laugh for the first time since I've gotten it.

Okay. One of the features of this attmanorlete is that it seems to forget wordr at random. Kind of like that. Xoper. Xoper. Xhat even is this sinof.

This is accurately transcribed. I actually had to type "words" in the previous text out piecemeal, because it refused to believe that "words" was a real word. Think about that. And then, after I'd written "kind of like that," I tried to type "words" again twice, and got "xoper."

"Xhat even is this sinof" was me trying to type "what even is this phone" and attmanorlete taking over and putting its own spin on things. I didn't tweak anything to end up with that, that's exactly what it gave me.

I'm watching you, attmanorlete.

-Signing off.

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