Random Transformers-Related Note

Had some weirdness in my schedule today as well as getting distracted by the good old Transformers Wiki (seriously, it just keeps getting better), and so I leave you with this semi-related music video and an idle comment.



The idle comment is that I really like the way the Transformers franchise handles alternate realities within its borders, that being that the reality that is most aware of said alternate realities has a classification system which allows the interested reader to reverse-engineer what the terminology means.

It incidentally makes allowances for the real world in this alternate reality system. (It also covers things that weren't originally Transformers, such as GoBots [Tonka, which made GoBots, was acquired by Hasbro] and Robotix [you can click the label to see previous posts by myself on the subject] but which have since been retconned to be Transformers. Yes, really.)

That is awesome.

-Signing off.

That Other Rom Again

I don't know more than a smattering of information about Machine Robo, the Japanese counterpart to the '80s Challenge of the Gobots (sort of), but I do know that for some reason, most clips I find of it crack me up.



Yes, this is an anime martial arts fight between giant robots. With terrible perspective and proportions.

-Signing off.

Great Face or Greatest Face?

There's an obscure cartoon based on the Playskool Transformers Go-Bots line which can be found on YouTube. I was showing it to my sister for giggles, because it's kind of funny and occasionally surprisingly awesome (for instance, at one point the leader Go-Bot grabbed an oil tanker's anchor and pulled it straight up a mountainside).

And then there's my sister's favorite part: The Strong-Bot face.

He pretty much has this face all the time, except once when he appeared to be mad. (His eyebrows dipped. Except that he doesn't have any eyebrows...)

It's pretty funny if you can stand the audio. (Quote from my sister while watching one episode: "Everything he does is so cute... and destructive!")

-Signing off.

Super Robots Enjoy Messing Guys Up

Here's Vaikanfu/Baikanfu, a super robot from one of Japan's Machine Robo (i.e. Gobots) anime.



Things that aren't clear from this clip alone:
-The robot's "pilot" is actually an android, and so is that chick who nearly falls into a crevasse, and so is the pilot's father (the spectral image who talks to him). For that matter, the cyborg dragon monster thing is probably a robot too.
-The hero's name is apparently Rom. (Obviously, no, not that Rom.)
-The "attack" that let Vaikanfu/Baikanfu rip out the heart of his enemy is actually a simple (albeit absurdly powerful) "martial arts move" instead of, well, something else, and Rom learned it from his father.

It's interesting to note that the earlier super robot, Gold Raitan Lightan used a similar "finishing move" and that the later and considerably more famous super robot, GaoGaiGar, would also use a variation on the idea (this time with two hands) to finish off its enemies.

The key difference with GaoGaiGar, and one that I think is brilliant, is that GaoGaiGar's "finisher" was actually what one might call extremely brutal (but still ultimately beneficial) intervention. How could ripping out an enemy's heart be helpful?

Because the enemy's heart (or core, in this case) is actually an innocent human being who needs to be rescued. (It's a bit of a long story. Short version: Innocent human beings get corrupted by magic metal from space, which transforms them into monsters called Zonders, who build bodies for themselves out of local machinery and structures. And the only way to stop these Zonders is with giant robots that tear their hearts out.) I even find that kind of touching, honestly.

-Signing off.

Japanese Toy Commercials

The first of these commercials is for what we would call Rock Lords, an '80s Gobot tie-in toyline which was a subline of Machine Robo in Japan (hence dudes shouting "MASHEEN ROBO!" at the beginning).



I have to admit, I have always loved the "dishonest" Japanese toy commercials.

Here's another one, whose only special effects seem to be explosions.



I seem to very dimly remember seeing commercials for something like these way back in my childhood. (There were a lot of vaguely similar toys, admittedly.) This commercial, though, makes the toys look a lot better than most US commercials.

My point? Japanese toy commercials are frikkin' awesome.

...What, you were expecting more of a point than that? Sorry.

-Signing off.

Quick Referral to a Good Website

A while back, I made reference to a website that talked extensively about Gobots, even the widely reviled "Challenge of the Gobots" cartoon. I just thought I'd mention that the same guy put up a complete episode guide to the series; an impressive feat, especially when you consider that it was a thankless task involving protracted suffering.

He even suggested a revised episode order that he thought made more sense than the original airing order. That's right, he thought about it long enough to see what made sense. What a guy.

-Signing off.

Challenge of the Super Powered Guardians

(No Writing Blog post this week, but I think I've got a starting point. Just need a little prep time over there...)

I was poking around on YouTube, and came across this video.



Now, I'm not trying to tip any sacred cows or anything (ack, or mangle metaphors), but all Hanna-Barbera animation that's trying to be serious makes me think of this:



(And I didn't even realize that the Super Powers/Super-Friends stuff was Hanna-Barbera until I looked it up, so it's kind of blatant.)

What really makes me roll my eyes is that the "Galactic Guardians" coincides with the Gobot good-guy faction's name (i.e. Guardians). It's not a huge coincidence, but it's still kinda funny...

-Signing off.

East Vs. West Moment of the Day

Fact: This guy...

...and this guy...

...are at least in one sense (the sense that the toy associated with them is identical) the same guy.

-Signing off.

Cy-Kill...

...is on fire.

-Signing off.

East Vs. West (Vs. East Vs. West): Machine Robo-er, Robo Machines-er, Machine Men-er...

Sometimes, when a toyline is transplanted from one language group to another, the transition is relatively smooth. (Transformers, for instance, was pretty seamless in the early days of G1, although as time dragged on, the two sides of the Pacific drifted apart increasingly, to the point where nobody has any idea how to reconcile Hasbro's view of the fictional multiverse as opposed to TakaraTomy's view.)

Other times, we see what happened to Machine Robo.

Machine Robo has been known by many names: Robo Machines, Machine Men... and Gobots.

Yep. This:



=this:



or possibly this:



Well, okay, that last one was something different descended from Machine Robo in Japan itself, so it doesn't count (much).

Anyway, one unique feature of the distribution of Machine Robo is that it was actually separately distributed in three different English markets. Again I say, for emphasis, separately.

In the UK, kids were presented with "Robo Machines," embodied primarily in this fiction, which is quite distinct from Gobots, despite most of the characters sharing names. Eventually, distribution of the Gobots cartoon superseded this fairly minor comic, and it was mostly forgotten as the line was rebranded.

In Australia, the line was initially distributed as Machine Men, and the most media it got was these. Uniquely, the Machine Men line was popular enough that Bandai didn't want to risk its popularity by rebranding it, so instead they rebranded the cartoon as Challenge of the Machine Men. (I can't imagine how Machine Men would have fit on the Challenge of the Gobots title card.)

Compare this with Transformers, where when a character crosses the Pacific, usually the most important change is in the character's name, or possibly a tweak in personality. (There are exceptions.)

-Signing off, partly because the computer is sluggish right now.

"Come Along On The Grand Adventure!"

(There's probably no way to make my regular readership lower. Only one way to find out, though...)



(In response to the trailer's last statement, and the title of this post) Um, no thank you.

You know, I watched this movie as a kid. But I never, never, even in my wildest and most fever-inspired dreams, actually suspected that it was a theatrical release.

Lots of people express disdain, to put it gently, for the Rock Lords (stronger even than their disdain for Gobots). Little wonder:



(Sad fact: I've got more than half of those toys.) Yes, the Rock Lords get around by climbing hills, turning into rocks, and then rolling down them. (They actually do this in the film.) Yeah, Megatron's useless altmode looks less bad now; at least he changes to a convenient carrying size.
Of course, since they lived on a planet made entirely of rocks, covered in nothing but rocks, they could use their rock forms for camoflage. (Seriously, they did this too. You'd think that the other guys would learn to recognize what all their enemies looked like, but noooo...)

Despite this, I still mostly like the Rock Lords movie. While the Gobots cartoon in general is far inferior to Transformers (even G1), the Rock Lords movie is thoroughly watchable. I mean, it's not like it's super awesome or anything...



...but it's completely tolerable. I mean, the Rock Lords are actually sort of interesting (for some reason I've always really liked the Fossil Lord-the combination of a bone theme and a codgery, hissing voice is pretty unique, especially in a good guy), and while the good guys come out on top, it actually feels like a real (as opposed to a fake) desperate battle. The Gobots are practically (as indicated above) minor cameos for much of the film.

And while the film lacks either Pathfinder or Buggyman, Bugsie is present (and it seems to be his only appearance), so that rather makes up for it.

Failed '80s toy franchise cartoon week is a go.

-Signing off.

Some Brief Comments On Gobots...

...because I don't feel like real blogging right now. Brain burned out.

I recently found a website with pretty decent information about that most maligned of transforming robot series/toylines, Gobots. (My lone previous mention of Gobots can be found here. Also, note that the website's creator is a borderline rabid anti-Transformers and pro-Gobots partisan, a true rarity on the Internet. Another note on the website: He's Batrain.)

With names like Dumper, Pumper, and Dive-Dive, is it a wonder that Gobots got its clocks cleaned?

One thing Gobots did right by comparison to Transformers, though: Female Gobots were actually Gobots. The earliest female Transformers were pretty much sex objects (particularly poor Firestar, who ought to file for a restraining order against the TFWiki guys).

I mean, the cartoon itself was bad, but the treatment in this particular area was superior to its counterpart.

-Signing off.

Hasbro-er, Unicron-Devours the Gobots

I found this video a long time ago, and I wish it had better video quality. The bad sound quality, on the other hand, enhances it a bit in my mind.



If you don't know what I mean by poor sound quality enhancing the audio, there's a bit in the TF:TM soundtrack rip that strikes a dischordant note, and it somehow suits the scene perfectly.

If you experienced the original Transformers, you've probably encountered their early competitors/prototypes, the Gobots. (More information here.) The Gobots' descent into relative obscurity is mostly deserved-their cartoon was like Scooby Doo with giant alien robots instead of people dressing as ghosts all the time. (Okay, it was more serious than that. But the quality was fairly similar.)

It should be noted, however, that the Gobot footage in this video is from the one piece of Gobot fiction that was actually pretty decent, Battle of the Rock Lords. (Yes, their best fiction involved them crossing over with guys made of rock who turned into rocks. Get over it.) Some people will probably try to shoot me for saying this, but I think BotRL was slightly better than most episodes of the Transformers cartoon I've seen. (Helpful hint: You can't shoot me through your monitor.)

And it's not like Gobots was a bad idea-Transformers is essentially the same one, but different. (The main variation comes from the Gobots being human cyborg alien robots, whereas the Transformers are living robot alien robots.) It's just that Gobots had an atrocious execution of the idea, whereas Transformers had a resonant and effective one.

Just to prove that there were occasionally nifty Gobots, here's a clip from an episode of the cartoon:



Pathfinder (the female spaceship) and Buggyman (the... buggy bad guy) are two of the three greatest Gobots. Buggyman is more competent and has more attitude than the entire rest of the villainous cast combined (later in the same episode, he singlehandedly rescues his incompetent leaders from four Guardians, although the animation could be interpreted as him killing them and committing suicide, as he was using a gun that conferred invisibility on its targets), and neither he nor Pathfinder have ugly Gobot faces. The other coolest Gobot is another Renegade named Bugsie, who is cool because 1) his toy looks like the devil (his appearance in the cartoon was decidedly different, although still nice), and 2) we never see him get clobbered like the rest of the villains. (At least, not in the only appearance of his I've seen, from Battle of the Rock Lords. Of course, this was because he kept mysteriously vanishing during fight scenes where the Renegades were supposed to lose, only to mysteriously reappear afterwards, often retreating from the same battle he wasn't seen fighting in.)

Probably the worst part about Gobots, though, is that Tonka, its original propietor, wasn't very bright when it came to legal issues. Why?

They claimed that Mighty Orbots (see intro here) was infringing on their copyright, but ignored Transformers. This is incredibly stupid for a host of reasons.

1. Mighty Orbots had far more in common with costumed superheroes than Gobots. The robot transformations were from robot to bigger, stronger robot that looked similar.
2. Mighty Orbots had more in common with Voltron than with Gobots, as a team of robots that combined into a bigger robot. (Granted, Gobots did this later on in their franchise, and so did Transformers, but it was simply the natural evolution of any long-running robot toyline with links to Japan.)
3. Transformers had almost everything in common with Gobots, the only truly significant difference in concept being the whole cyborg vs. robot thing. The execution differed only in quality, no matter what other Transformers fans might tell you.
4. Transformers cleaned Gobots' clocks in marketing, product charisma (most Transformer toys were considerably bigger than most Gobot toys, with creepy exceptions, and also had cool weapons and stuff, which Gobot toys did not), and of course the media (aka the marketing).
5. Mighty Orbots' toyline was apparently never produced (just as well-it would have been awful), and only a single thirteen episode season of the series aired because of Tonka's lawsuit.

I'm sure I could go on, but I won't, because hardly anyone cares about Gobots. Or Orbots.