Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Microwave Love: Breakfast

Today we're talking about breakfast.

As with last week, I've broken the page up quite a bit and extensively edited it to remove the cooking instructions, because even with their RANDOM CAPITALIZATION they have something of a tendency to be A BIT BORING.

First up, we have water, oats, salt, water, oats, and salt.

I mean, what's going on here? Is somebody actually pouring their oats, water, and salt into three separate containers that don't look useful for measuring before mixing them? Is somebody moving their breakfast preparations between three separate labeled bowls? Or perhaps somebody's writing something in erasable marker on the side, erasing it, and writing something else?

Between this page and Hot Sandwiches, this booklet certainly wins the "Unnecessarily Complicated Food Preparation Award."

Also, that kid looks kind of disturbed at that lightning bolt greeting him from the microwave-look at his eye, not his smile. Either that, or he's uncomfortable because he's got melted butter where he should have hair.

For such a simple image, this next one sure invites a bunch of comments:

1. I love how the faucet just has the word "water" floating above it.

2. That sure is a helpful carton of milk, pouring itself. It probably should be watched, though, because if it's capable of floating, it's clearly also capable of levitation, and who knows what other mysterious powers it may bear?

3. Also helpful: That label, "2 TBS. OF CREAM OF WHEAT," which has somehow manifested to operate that spoon.

4. Ah yes, Use Milk Or Water-brand cream of wheat! My favorite!

5. That girl seems much less disturbed than the other kid.

Another simple image, another invitation to multiple comments:

1. I can tell he's supposed to be pulling the cover off of a food tray, but it looks more like he's pulling it out of the body of the food tray, as if it were actually a funny-looking tissue dispenser.

2. As far as I can tell, he's unwrapping a TV dinner for the purpose of microwaving it on a plate. That's such a strange thought to my modern sensibilities that I felt the need to consult Wikipedia, and it turns out that once upon a time you did prepare TV dinners in an oven. The More You Know™.

3. Man that guy has weird anatomy. His head must make up more than half his mass, and what's up with his protruding square buttocks?

4. Also, he's lazy, because he apparently passes his food preparation, which I will remind you involves using a microwave and thus should be easy-peasy, on to his leg-equipped plate and to the local toque-wearing cartoon lightning bolt:

Incidentally, it only just now occurred to me that it's been ambiguous as to whether these microwaves actually have doors or if you actually put things in them by handing them off to the lightning bolts, who simply phase things in through the power of illogic.

Finally, we have this image:

1. Okay, I guess that guy's not as lazy as I thought, if he went from his ridiculous pajamas to a three-piece suit in two and a half minutes.

2. So... Is this guy supposed to be "Dad" by extension, or is he thinking of his own mother? Because if it's the latter, well, I don't want to think about the implications.

3. Okay, unless you guys mean "Microwave Love in action" (which is improbable because my sister and I coined that phrase to describe this booklet), I think what you want to say there isn't "love in action," it's either "science! in action" or "technology in action." (Science! in action requires an exclamation point every time.)

Well, that's it for breakfast. Join me next time when I discuss fresh, frozen, and nondescript vegetables.

-Signing off.

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