Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Microwave Love: Hot Sandwiches

Warning: It is possible that only long-time fans of the Homestar Runner website will find today's post amusing, by imagining the phrase "hot sandwiches" as said by the fictional commercial mascot Marshie. (It's the main reason I find this so funny, I have to admit. My sister finds it funny because I can do a decent Marshie impression.)

The microwave advertisers take another shot at traditional cooking devices in this one, with the assertion that it's much too hard to prepare a hot dog using a stove.

Okay, so let me get this straight:

1. You need to heat the burner, the pan, and the water as completely separate steps? The heck?

2. ...Why is the pan upset at the "weiner" jumping into it? And why is the oven upset at being heated? (The microwave always seems happy enough to do all this stuff...)

3. What if you don't like heated buns, or cheese on your hot dogs? Actually, I've hardly ever heard of people putting cheese on "regular" hot dogs. I guess that used to be a thing back in the day (and possibly in places other than Ohio)?

4. Well, of course that's inefficient if you're just making one or two hot dogs!

5. Anybody worth their salt taking care of a mess in the kitchen will clean everything at once, so how does using the stove and oven make any difference?

Of course, a microwave is pretty much the best tool for cooking up hot dogs unless you like them grilled, but if you're going to attack a competing product, you ought to have legitimate reasons.

The lack of even-handedness arises again:

1. Cheese and relish? You're not allowed to put relish in a hot dog you cooked on a stove? I call foul! (Not that I'd want either on a hot dog of mine, I'm kind of a plain with ketchup man myself. I also rather prefer spicy sausages with no toppings to hot dogs, but at that point the whole argument becomes kind of moot.)

2. Wrapping it in a paper towel is... actually not that bad an idea, although once again, what if you don't like heated buns?

3. Suddenly, I saw an eye in the hot dog in the microwave. NOW I CAN'T UNSEE IT. (Even better, the Marshie commercial music is going through my head continuously.)

4. Wait, I just noticed-the lightning bolt's toque is green in one image, and blue in the other? Different hat, or different lightning bolt?!

The list of things one can prepare in similar fashion continues...

"Barbecued luncheon sandwiches?" Is that really a phrase people used to use? "Oh, I say, hand me one of those barbecued luncheon sandwiches, it will go right well with this glass of lemonade I'm preparing to quaff!"

Ultimately, I think we can all agree one on thing, though: HOT SANDWICHES.


-Signing off.

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