Game Review: Crush the Castle

There's not really that much for me to say about this game.

It involves using a catapult to demolish "castles" and kill the various "inhabitants" of the castles.

If you're looking for a realistic depiction of that sort of thing, look somewhere else.

If you're looking for deep, nuanced gameplay, look somewhere else.

If you're looking for amusing graphics, mass murder played as comedy (the little people cry out in mild shock as they spurt huge volumes of blood and die), and a game that, when you play it well, is highly cathartic, well, this is a decent little game.

As the game progresses, you gain access to better and better catapult payloads, but there's no tradeoff. The newer ones are intrinsically, massively superior, going from a single tiny rock to three powerful bombs as the game progresses.

The real humor of the game, I think, and what compelled me to review it, is that the game designers clearly realized how absurd their game's setup was, and tried to have fun with the most ridiculous "castles" they could devise.

Behold:

I like to call this one Castle Lemming, for no real reason.

This one makes me think of an antenna, or perhaps a balance.

I am oddly reminded of bookshelves...

This one is really easy if you're good at precision shots. I'm not so much, but I've still done it a few times.

This one is funny, because it's not only one of the most insane designs, but there are actually quite a few ways to knock it down if you're clever (my favorite is landing a few boulders in that little nook and letting them unbalance it).

And because it really wouldn't be a game review if I didn't complain about an annoying gameplay aspect (and show off the carnage that one can wreak), here's a screenshot showing how sometimes the castle inhabitants can be insanely lucky.

See that little guy underneath the pile of rubble out front? I never managed to get him because of how that debris settled. (I almost don't care about the king; that particular guy is almost always lucky enough to defy most of my efforts if I don't do perfectly.)

All in all, a fun game, but not one you should blow too much time on-it's only got about twenty-five castles in it in all, and while you can design your own, it's a hassle. A little time-waster, not a big one.

-Signing off.