How To Build A Really Awesome Robot (In Fiction)

I got the idea to do this column when I suddenly realized, late yesterday, that this is clearly Unofficial Robot Week. (The week is unofficial, not the robot.)

First things first. The kind of robot I'm talking about is an autonomous self-motivating or self-aware robot. Thus, sadly, no "super robots" by my definition.

Second, I'm specifically talking about the kind of robot that is either an aid or an obstacle in a significant way for a protagonist (or potentially is the protagonist) in an action story-i.e., a robot that fights. (Granted, a receptionist robot could potentially pose an obstacle, even in action, but that's not what I'm talking about. Such a robot is less of an obstacle than a speed bump.)

Anyway, here are my Three Laws of Really Awesome Robotics (obviously, completely incompatible with Isaac Asimov's similarly named laws):

1. The robot must be adaptable/intelligent enough to cope with challenges presented to it. (This becomes more important with antagonist robots.)
2. The robot can't be a pathetic pushover in terms of power.
3. The robot pretty much has to be fast, either in land speed, mental abilities, or agility-related faculties.

One example of a robot that fails the first law is any of the various Spider-Slayers. These robots are obviously fast and strong, fulfilling the second and third laws reasonably well-I mean, they fight Spider-Man, don't they? But they're all really narrow in function, and thus tend to suffer because of it. Spidey is able to outsmart the average Spider-Slayer and defeat it in approximately eighteen pages, which in recent comics may be equivalent to less than five minutes, depending on the title (obviously I'm being facetious). They're generally one-trick ponies, which is why there are at least twenty different models.

The Sentinel robots vary a lot with each iteration, which means that they frequently are breaking at least one of the Really Awesome Laws. (There's a phrase I can't say I ever thought I'd use.) Many iterations of Sentinel aren't terribly adaptable, although this series is one that rarely suffers overmuch in this department, ever since the Mark II, which apparently had the ability to instantly adapt to most mutant powers. They often seem pathetic pushovers in power, regardless of what we're told, although I suspect many instances of this were the fault of Wolverine and Rogue. And except for a case here and there, such as Nimrod, who obeys all of the Really Awesome Laws handily, most Sentinels seem to be pretty slow (except when travelling across the continental United States, when they can reach supersonic velocities-there's irony right there).

Then there's LOTA. If you've never heard of LOTA, then you've never read Schlock Mercenary (or like me when I found it, are taking a few weeks to plow through the archives for the full experience). Why haven't you read it yet?!

LOTA is a very new newcomer to Schlock Mercenary (first appearance here, first appearance after activation here), but he clearly strictly adheres to the Laws of Awesome Robotics. LOTA even obeys the Zeroth law of Awesome Robotics: An awesome robot must have some kind of personality, whether a literal "personality" or an imaginary one linked to an unusual appearance. (Fun fact: There are, in fact, four of the aforementioned Three Laws of Robotics; the last, the Zeroth law, was added retroactively as a sort of "uberlaw" which a very intelligent robot invented and taught other robots to follow.) LOTA (who has no use for puny organics' pronouns) also obeys the First, Second and Third Laws with ease, as indicated here.

Unusually for a non-antagonist robot, however, LOTA is not only highly intelligent, but very chaotic (in a deterministic kind of way, ironically) and occasionally terrifyingly direct. LOTA also earned, even before LOTA started moving, an awesome nickname: "Longshoreman of the Apocalypse." (EDIT: I belatedly realized "LOTA" is actually an acronym for "Longshoreman of the Apocalypse" late at night.)

Yes, LOTA is definitely a Really Awesome Robot.

Of course, not all robots need to be Really Awesome. Some appear in great numbers to offset their lack of awesomeness, and others overcome their deficiencies through sheer size/power. Pretty rare for them to do so through sheer speed or intelligence/adaptability, however.