Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles In Japan

Y'know, for a long time, I kind of forgot that the original TMNT cartoon was extremely comedic. (I was a kid [and often missed a lot of subtle things when I was a kid], I didn't get to watch a lot of episodes for various reasons, and my clearest memories of watching the show on TV involved the "red skies" seasons, which had less sunlight than Batman: The Animated Series and mostly took themselves more seriously.)



Of course, in Japan, they made "Mutant Turtles" (no "teenage" or "ninja," so far as I know) even sillier. (I've mentioned it before; if you hit the "tmnt" tag, you should find it pretty quickly.)



(Hilariously, in the second episode of this OVA, when Darth Vader Shredder and the turtles travel to Japan and encounter ninjas, they freak out-because in this version, neither group had anything to do with "actual" ninjas.)

And of course, in the UK they dropped all references to ninjas as well, calling them "hero" turtles. They also took away Michaelangelo's nunchucks in later seasons and replaced them with a rope, supposedly because 'chucks were too violent for the kiddies (like a kid is more likely to copy violence involving a relatively rare weapon than violence involving a rope?).

-Signing off.

A Link And Some Small Musings

(Here's my post over at the Writing Blog.)

I've spent some time over the last few years observing and learning about the game Magic: The Gathering, mainly because I like understanding the minutiae of how its game mechanics work.

Something about its flavor, though, has always bugged me somewhat.

The players play lands, summon creatures, and play spells. Supposedly, they're magic-users called planewalkers or planeswalkers. While this isn't so problematic, the fact that players can summon "legendary" cards that represent historical figures starts to make it kind of weird.

Then there's the fact that it takes all the magical power of an entire "land"-a mountain, a plain, an island, a forest, or a swamp-to create a single creature or spell.

And these all-powerful planewalkers, who can draw power out of entire lands at a whim, are threatened-can even be harmed-by some itty-bitty little critter like a goblin or a bug?

If one imagines that these are ceremonial battles, it becomes slightly less strange... except that they're still essentially huge-scale wars.

Then there's the fact that the largest creatures in the game are only a small order of magnitude more powerful (in terms of stats) than the smallest-a Phyrexian Colossus, a war machine somewhat larger than a typical school building, is only "eight times bigger" than some lowly bug (it should be numerous orders of magnitude larger).

When you get down to it, though, the fact that the players rely on external sources for the energy necessary to use magic combined with taking alternate turns really takes the flavor out of it.

There are other ways to do it. I've seen one (the game Duel Masters, while clearly inspired by M:TG, has a distinct gameplay edge over the older game-never mind that it's from a rather kiddy anime series), and I have an idea for another that would be even more "flavor-correct" than that. (I'm not sharing here-I'm going to share once I've perfected the idea and have a chance to market it. It sounds fun in my head, if for no other reason than because it's just so different from most of what I've heard of on the market.)

In the meantime, well, I still enjoy Magic: The Gathering; I just think its flavor is off.

-Signing off.

Adaptations and Longevity

My titles for the posts where I link my other blog are probably just going to get weirder and weirder.

This week, my random video fun choices are some things I've featured here before. The first two are anime-style introductions for the '90s era X-Men cartoon.



Having reasonably fond memories of that show, I can safely state that these intros have nothing to do with it whatsoever.

Those have nothing, though, on the other video: Japanese Spider-Man.



True fact: In Japan, Spider-Man codified many features of Super Sentai, which means that Power Rangers could be seen as a Spider-Man spinoff.

-Signing off.

A Moment of What The: Dynasty Warrior

So, some time ago, I burned a lot of time playing free flash games online. Since then, I've moved to mildly more productive ways to waste my time, but I figure, hey, some of those experiences were pretty wacky, so I might as well share them.

One time, I found the most awesome fighting game ever. Sorta.

See, I don't generally like fighting games (mostly 'cause I stink at 'em), but every now and again I find one that's reasonably fun. This was such an instance-Dynasty Warrior!

Now, for those of you who are video game aficionados, you may have heard that name, because it's a moderately long-running series of Japanese-made video games.

I don't really know the story behind this game demo (which is what it is) ending up on the Internet on free game sites, but I'm not going to question it overmuch, as there's no chance I would have found or played it otherwise.

Anyway, here's the start screen. If you're interested in playing, I'd suggest clicking the second button there, and using it to reconfigure the game's controls from their default (W=up, S=down, A=left, D=right, and some random keys for the fighting controls) because it's darned hard to remember them.

Anyway, let's cut to the meat of the game.

This is you.

Yes, that huge bearded guy in the blue shirt is you. His name is Guan Yu, and he's an important historical figure in China. In fact, he's been deified, and is still worshipped even in modern Communist China.

So, somewhat indirectly, perhaps, in this game you play as a god.

Guan Yu was actually a general who helped topple the Han Dynasty and helped found some kingdom or other. However, his exploits have become something not unlike the legends of King Arthur, and he is considered the epitome of loyalty and righteousness by the Chinese.

He's kinda like Abraham Lincoln, really.

Anyway, in the demo, most of the enemies you fight are these wimpy little stupid spear guys.

They can use those spears, but they usually seem to forget to-I think they need a bit more distance before they can use them, so if you get up close to them, you can just punch them in the face a bunch and they won't do anything to stop you, other than the occasional annoying jump-kick. And because of the way the game works, you can do this to as many as four of them at once without difficulty.

Sounds easy, although there's an issue with it.

Sometimes guys go off the edge of the screen, and you can't go into that area until all the enemies have been defeated. Since you often grab guys and throw them, this is annoyingly frequent.

Also:

HEADBUTT. Yes, Guan Yu headbutts dudes. This strikes me as wildly hilarious.

There are weapons in the game, but they're hard to find. (I had to play through three times before I picked this up.)

The sword is nifty, killing most enemies (and often multiple enemies) in one hit and extending your reach (though it's a much slower attack than a punch), but if you get hit you tend to drop it, and it usually evaporates before you can pick it back up. (Although I once grabbed it after dropping it twice in a row.)

Also, once you get to the "mountain pass" area, these guys show up.

Like the stupid spear guys, the dumb bow guys often fail to use their arrows even once, though they're more likely to get off a shot or two. (Though they can sometimes be abysmal shots.)

If this was all there was to the game, I wouldn't care. But it's not all-you also have awesome powers.

Guess how you summon these giant bursts of flame?

By using a torch you have stored in your inventory.

Yes, you read that right.

Alternately, you can use a rock to do this.

The absurd awesomeness of this aspect of gameplay boggled my mind when I saw it.

Since it's a demo, it's short. And since it's a fighting game, there's a boss at the end. Unlike the stupid spear men and the dumb bow guys, he never forgets he's holding his absurdly huge spear.

He's a mild challenge if you have enough torches and rocks.

Once you defeat him...

VICTORY ROAR.

This game is really silly. I'm not sure how the other games in the series would compare to it, but it's hilarious, and I had fun with it.

-Signing off.

A Strong Foundation

(One of the roughest things about blogging, I've found, is coming up with titles regularly; hence my heavy use of colons. So if that title makes you groan at all, terribly sorry. I know I groaned.)

I recently re-read Isaac Asimov's Foundation series. (Specifically, the original Foundation trilogy, that is, Foundation, Foundation and Empire, and Second Foundation.) Not terribly surprisingly, while the series was written in the '40s and '50s, it's aged very well. It once won the Hugo for "Best All-Time series," whatever the heck that means, which is a sure sign it's quality. (Read the Wikipedia article for a serious discussion-I'm about to digress violently.)

There are things in it, though, that date themselves to greater and lesser degrees. When private messages must be carried from place to place, they're put in sealed capsules which can theoretically only be opened by the intended recipient. This is fine; less fine for the modern reader is that the enclosed message is on paper. (Of course, those clever Foundation scientists figured out how to make paper that automatically oxidizes in air, so the security issue isn't that bad...) Or take the device called the Lens. The Lens is a device used in hyperdrive navigation, making it far quicker and easier than it would be otherwise, with a computer-controlled three dimensional simulation of the galaxy's stars, allowing for what is essentially point-and-click navigation. The odd part? It was brand new, and today there's a multi-platform freeware program called Celestia which does the exact same thing.

Of course, the sharp edge of advancing technology always manages to screw up science fiction; it's all but unpredictable.

The other thing I've been considering is how one might try adapting the Foundation series to other media.

Just looking at it, it'd be hard at least. Foundation is cerebral, concerned with thoughts and ideas rather than things like action and personal interaction. If I were to pick out only a section of it to make a movie out of, it'd almost certainly be the parts surrounding the Mule, but that would be stupid because the Mule's actions don't make sense outside of the larger framework.

But the potential for a great movie or three is in there. Just because Asimov didn't write the framework for one into it doesn't mean it isn't. Therefore, the real question is, how much can be carried over successfully, and what would the central focus of any such work be?

I know how purists get, but I'd tend to say that, other than Hari Seldon and the Mule, there really aren't any important characters in the Foundation series. (The original one, I mean.) The scope of the series is centered on history, and it is the distinct position of the books that it isn't the figures in history, but vast historical forces that generally determine events. And, of course, it is the very rare individual, such as Seldon or the Mule, who disrupts historical forces.

Then, of course, there's the issue of the Second Foundation. The Second Foundation, in case you don't know, is a group of expert psychologist/sociologist/psychohistorian telepaths, whose mission it is to chart history's flow and try to gently tweak it just so to keep the path to the Second Empire in place. These people are rightly resented by the Foundationers, who eventually realize they're being tweaked and set out to get rid of them. But the Second Foundation being what it was, it managed to fake its own death quite effectively, and was still pulling the strings. (And if you're wondering, the Second Foundation felt it was better to fake its death by allowing many of its volunteers to die, than to let the First Foundation believe it still existed, because the First Foundation acted wrong whenever it thought the Second Foundation was acting on it.) Asimov presents the whole thing as part of the flow of history, neither particularly wrong or particularly right... but the Second Foundation was clearly being set up to become the elite of the Second Empire, and that's pretty sick.

Ultimately, the Foundation series isn't particularly likely to be made into a movie, but then again, the Lensman series is getting (another) movie based on it, so anything's possible.

-Signing off.

The Other War of the Worlds: Edison's Conquest of Mars

Back in the day, "copyright" meant something very different from what it means now. It referred specifically and only to the right to publish a certain book-notions of intellectual property verged on nonexistent.

So when the (illegitimate and at least somewhat mangled) adaptation of the original serial version of The War of the Worlds (published under the name "Fighters From Mars-additional obscenely long subtitle") proved hugely popular, it was decided that a sequel should be commissioned, since none were forthcoming from Wells himself.

Edison's Conquest of Mars (yes, really) was written by one Garret P. Serviss, an astronomer and science fiction author... who pretty clearly had never read The War of the Worlds (at least, not enough of it to write a sequel). What resulted was eighteen chapters of what can be best described as insanity.

Well, perhaps that's doing it a disservice. But it's no TWotW.

Now, I don't know how similar "Fighters From Mars" was. Perhaps the differences between Edison's Conquest of Mars and TWotW are the fault of the adaptation, rather than some other factor. Certainly, the Martians of ECoM feel something like a tidied up, sanitized version of the other Martians.

But first things first. Let's talk about Thomas Edison's role in Edison's Conquest of Mars.

Apparently, all Edison did in real life was rubberstamp his name being in the book. Otherwise, he wasn't the least bit involved in production. (Wikipedia does describe it, quite amusingly, as "perhaps the most literal of the Edisonades.") In the book itself, well, it's pretty crazy.

First off, Edison was able to examine the antigravity devices in the Martians' flying machines (he immediately understood their functionality because they work via electricity, and if there's one thing Thomas Alva Edison understands, it's electricity![/sarcasm]), and determined how to make a super-powerful version of it that could be used to travel from planet to planet. Yes. It took him, like, fifteen minutes.

(Images of scans from the serial borrowed from here.)

Then, he made a disintegrator ray. This ray only destroys specific substances it's attuned to. As is typical of Edison, he tested it on an animal first for no good reason. (If you think I'm being a little harsh on Edison, well, I'll be frank-I'm not a big fan of the man. That's probably because I've read too much about him and his publicity campaigns.)

So then he and all the world's governments put their resources together and made a warfleet of a hundred spaceships crewed by two thousand guys or so (exact figures escape me-it's not like it's important) and set out to make sure the Martians can never attack Earth again.

The Martians are, as noted, very different from those of TWotW, but one doesn't actually notice this at first. This is mainly because the book takes its time to get to them. Once you get there, the differences couldn't be more obvious.

First, while some general bits of technology (heat rays, explosively propelled "cars"-that is, spacecraft, etc.) exist in common, there's one pretty radical difference-the Martians are essentially big, ugly humans.

Ugh. In fact, all dominant species from all inhabited worlds in this weird universe are essentially humans with some difference. The entirety of the difference in natural genetics? Size.

For instance, the Martians are fifteen feet tall on average (Martian women average more like twelve to thirteen). A member of an exinct race of Moon men left a five-foot-long footprint. And there was a woman from the asteroid Ceres who was forty feet tall.

Note that every single female of any species that qualifies for a mention (not counting governmental figures, who weren't described anyway) was extremely beautiful.

Why were Martian men ugly while Martian women were beautiful? Because Martian men had their brains artificially stimulated to be smarter in specific fields, while Martian women were given very broad, general educations. (Debunked pseudoscience, of course-the cranial deformation idea was based on phrenology.)

Anyway, supposedly, the Martian scientist caste didn't even need to do research-they simply knew all the natural laws. Therefore, 1) they weren't technically scientists (a scientist is fundamentally a researcher, y'know), and 2) they had developed the most sophisticated technology it was possible to develop... on Mars.

This of course begs the question of why they had to build cruddy cannon-launched spaceships, while Edison could build craft that were far superior to modern (by which I mean, modern in the present) spacecraft, ones that could make the journey to Mars in a matter of a month and a half or so, which is pretty incredible. There is an explanation, but it's a lame one: Earth has certain elements Mars doesn't, and these proved necessary for construction of the disintegrators (which were much deadlier than heat rays, since they turned stuff to vapor in an instant) and antigravity devices. Earth is better than Mars, nyeah nyeah nyeah!

Ahem. Ultimately, that's sort of the message we get-Earth is better than anyone else. (The story is pretty unabashedly imperialistic, so this isn't terribly surprising.) Of course, there's an issue with this-the Martians used to rule Earth.

Yeah. In ancient times, Mars invaded Earth, kidnapped a bunch of people, built the Great Sphinx and the pyramids, and then... um, left when Earth germs started killing them... or something?

Sheesh, the Martians were dummies if that's true.

The book has a lot of surprisingly strong points-it describes space better than you'd think, for one. (On the other hand, it turns out that a comet has a gigantic electrical charge and traps the electrically driven spaceships in its tail. So, yeah, what?) It also can claim the title of "first space opera."

So, if you like TWotW, well, you might consider reading this, and finding out about the numerous other things I didn't mention, like the asteroid made of gold. (Oops, mentioned it!) But don't be surprised if you feel a need to throw it to the floor when he starts talking about Aryans being the people from the Garden of Eden... Um, yeah.

-Signing off.

Greatly Belated Book Reviews: The Time Machine

Hm, hm, hm. Usually, I review obscure books here. The Time Machine is one of the most famous, iconic, and important novels in the science fiction genre. What to say about it?

Well, first off, it's one of my least favorite of Wells' works. There, I said it.

Partly, this is probably because of my first impression, which was not particularly good. At about the same time I first read the book, I watched the 1960 film as part of the class which I read it for. (Er, if memory serves. It's a bit hazy back there.) The film was, well, kinda terrible, and it wasn't made any better by the idiot in class who made dirty jokes about the name of the Time Traveller's Eloi companion (Weena).

The fact that Wells actually had written an earlier story about time traveling (and further, it had a time machine in it-of course, time machines get their name from The Time Machine) is not terribly well-known.

Also, there is a passage which exists in one version of The Time Machine and not the "standard" version. (While TTM was released as a serial, the editor wanted to push the human degeneracy angle of the Morlock/Eloi time period; Wells didn't like being dictated to, and had it excised when the material was published as a novel. But of course, the passage still exists, and was even made into a short story of its own. One version of the book I read does indeed have the "grey man" passage in it.)

It is interesting that the subject of human degeneracy/evolution covered in the novel is one people still explore to one degree or another. Dougal Dixon, for instance, explores an ecosystem of numerous different kinds of humans who filled niches, and there's a short story whose name I don't recall where a quite extensive human ecosystem arises.

The primary legacy of The Time Machine, obviously, is that it elaborated on the idea that someone could be displaced in time through controllable means. (I would say it introduced the idea, but it obviously didn't. It really just popularized it.) But as a story, TTM is rather boring, and that's comparing it to Wells' other works. Still, it's his first real novel, so that's forgivable.

I'll get to some better ones, like The First Men in the Moon and The War of the Worlds, pretty soon here.

-Signing off.

East Vs. West: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

If, like me, you grew up in the late '80s and early '90s, chances are you recognize these guys.


If you do remember them (who could forget, really?-I once knew a girl who could sing the entire theme song word for word at the same pace as the intro who was a senior in high school [I was a year younger]), and remember them fondly, but haven't looked around too intensively on the internet for them... Well, brace yourself for a bit of a shock.


Hoom hoom hoom! SUPAH TURTLES!

The scary thing is, I remember seing commercials for toys of these guys...


...although obviously those ads weren't in Japanese.

Anyway, I'll just briefly point out that sudden mutations were not quite original to this. They first appeared...

...in the series intro...

...as we can see here.

It wasn't even the only time we see the Turtles more or less magically change back and forth from normal to bigger and stronger forms...

...but it is the first time the Ninja Turtles ever had noses. Also...

..."Saint Turtle?" What?! (Not that the design is bad... I actually really like those wings...)


And here is Dark Mu, the semi-obligatory anime babe with black wings and great legs. Who is so evil that she snuffs out stars by waking up. I kid you not.

I think we can just chalk this one up to the fact that Japan is hilarious and call it a day.

-Signing off.

East Vs. West: Starship Troopers

Having talked in the past about somewhat odd adaptations of older science fiction, you might think that is going to be the subject of today's post.

And it is, but not in the way you might expect.


The Starship Troopers OVA (thoroughly weird intros here and here) is generally agreed to be perhaps the most faithful of any film renditions of Robert Heinlein's original novel.

And if for no other reason than the movie over here pretty much ignored the fact that the titular "Starship Troopers" were supposed to be dudes in really heavy-duty armor, this is the correct assessment.

The OVA also featured the only depiction of the drop pods mentioned in the book. Judging by the clip, they probably embellished the Bugs the same way the movie did, though. Anime's been doing that a lot longer than film has.

-Signing off.

Super Robot Profiles: Bismarck

Sei Jushi Bismarck (translated roughly as "Star Musketeer Bismarck," or so Wikipedia would have you believe) was a series that had a rather understated cowboy theme.



You might possibly recognize it as being Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs...



...which took that cowboy theme (if you don't believe me about this theme, take a look at the toy) and hit you in the head with it. How much does it do so?



Peter Cullen dusts off his John Wayne impression to be the giant robot. The dub version of the giant robot, if you didn't notice, is named the Ramrod, which apparently was slang among cowboys for being the big guy/leader in a gang. (A ramrod is also the device used in an older gun, such as a cowboy-era revolver, to drive the gunpowder and bullet into the gun.)

Taking it even further was some coloring storybook I remember having as a kid, which featured a really Western-style story. All I really know about the series from that, however, is, well, nothing. (I would never have known from that book that there was a giant robot at all. In fact, it wasn't until I started looking for this kind of stuff on the Internet that I realized, hey, giant robot!)

Something I did learn, however, was that April/Marian totally looks better as a redhead. And that the armor these guys wore looked really good in all black. Ahh, childhood!

-Signing off.

The Other Iron Man

If one is observant and alert during the credits of the movie The Iron Giant, one notices the following: "Based on the book The Iron Man"-wait, what?

No, not that Iron Man.

The book was written by someone named Ted Hughes. The title was coincidental-it was originally published in England, and its title was changed to The Iron Giant before publishing over here.

So, other than really nice movies and having metal armor and the word "iron" in both their names, what do they have in common? Even in the original book (a children's book), the Giant was a superhero.

So what did he do there?

According to Wikipedia, after an initial scare, the Giant was accepted by the local village (which, by the way, was in England), but the peace was short-lived because

astronomers monitoring the sky make a frightening new discovery; a massive "star spirit" shaped like a black dragon moving from orbit to land on Earth. The "Star Spirit" crashes heavily on Australia, later demanding humanity provide him with food. Terrified, humans send their armies to destroy the Star Spirit, but it remains unharmed.

OMG just like in the comic books!

Then,

When the Iron Man [Giant] hears of this global threat, he allows himself to be disassembled and transported to Australia. There, he challenges the Star Spirit to a contest of strength: if the Iron Man can withstand the heat of burning petroleum for longer than the Star Spirit can withstand the heat of the Sun, the Star Spirit must obey the Iron Man's commands forever more; if the Iron Man melts or is afraid of melting before the Star Spirit undergoes or fears pain in the Sun, the Spirit has permission to devour the whole Earth.

After playing the game three rounds, the Star Spirit is so badly burned that he no longer appears physically frightening. The Iron Man, by contrast, has only a deformed ear-lobe to show for his pains. The Star Spirit admits defeat.

Boy, the Star Spirit was dumb.

So, yeah. Probably just a lot of eerie coincidences... I think.

-Signing off.

Super Robot Profiles: Voltron

Voltron is one of those really odd ducks. It's one of the most famous and popular super robot series that aired in the United States-one of the few I would consider describing as "mainstream." But its history is a rather tangled one.



After its origins as Golion, Voltron was heavily edited and dubbed under the name Voltron, and released here.



Oops! Who was that?

That was Vehicle Voltron. Chances are, even if you're familiar with the other ("Lion") Voltron, you've never or rarely heard of this one. (Darned shame-his toy was half again as tall and a bit more fun, and that was after he lost most of his accessories.) Vehicle Voltron was based on a different series called Dairugger XV. So, here we go, Voltron:



Whoops! That's not Voltron either. That is Lightspeed God Albegas (or something like), who was almost a third Voltron ("Gladiator" Voltron-and there were toys released under that name, by the way). That is a fan-made trailer that was entered in an official contest. So, let's try again:



Man, this is embarrassing. That's Daltanious, who was almost some other Voltron in some stage of development. (Voltron fans rejoice-you dodged a bullet.)

So, here's Voltron.



Anyway, Voltron is quite the odd duck, as I mentioned. Why is it odd? First, it was popular enough that, even though Golion creator Toei had no intention of continuing the series, its dub "owners" were hungry for more material. So they hired a Korean animation team to produce a second, less-well-animated season, and a movie as well (which provided a crossover between the two Voltrons, who were totally unrelated in their respective Japanese incarnations).

Odder still, while Toei has not displayed any interest in Voltron since then, World Event Productions decided more recently that, with the resurgence of popularity of Transformers with the Beast Wars series, it was once again Voltron's time. First, they re-released the Korean-animated series with updated intros (a later one of which used extensive CGI animation). However, this was only to buy time for their true diabolical plan: "3D" Voltron!



(The sad thing is, while the show wasn't bad by the standards of the time in terms of animation quality, it found itself sitting next to another but far superior CGI program, War Planets/Shadow Raiders. This series was produced by Mainframe Entertainment, the same company that created the Beast Wars series-small world.)

There are even plans, no doubt inspired by Transformers' more recent and even greater success, to produce a live-action movie. The sad thing is, and this is something that its producers don't seem to realize, the similarities between Voltron and Transformers are actually superficial ones-they have science-fictional themes, Japanese roots, large robots, and originated in the '80s. While these tie the two together in the minds of many, they are basically the only major features they have in common. (Off the top of my head, I could probably list a few dozen series that these terms described.) So Voltron's owners (Toei no longer seems to have the rights to the series) are dooming it to playing second fiddle to Transformers.

Kinda sad for the Defender of the Universe.

East Vs. West: Lensman

Few people argue against the idea that E.E. "Doc" Smith's Lensman series is one of the most defining, most imitated, and most influential science fiction series of all time. Green Lanterns, Star Wars, and dozens that are on the tip of my tongue but not quite coming all draw from concepts first pioneered in the adventures of the Lensmen.

Ironically, despite my love of and familiarity with the variety of space opera most heavily influenced by Lensman, my first encounter with it was something decidedly different:



(NOTE: This dub of it is a very different dub from the one I'm familiar with. Apparently, somebody disliked this dub so much they destroyed it and remade it in their own dark image. The dub I'm familiar with, and have been since childhood, had characters making swears, and I seriously doubt this one does. It also had significantly better soundtrack and voice acting.)

As un-Lensmanlike as the anime movie is, the concepts explored in Lensman are about as anime-like as anime get, and those elements that carry over do so seamlessly. And it's one of the most beautiful pieces of animation ever produced. (Of course, I could be biased-I tend to think that the best anime stylistically was early-to-mid-'80s era.)

My sister, a few years ago, went on a wild crusade to obtain a copy of this movie, as it is one of the greatest influences upon her love of anime in general. (Hovering over my shoulder, she says "It was my sweet sixteen gift.") She did in fact obtain the same version we knew and loved as children, with completely unedited violence, swearing, and galactic warfare between good and evil on a grand scale. A lot like Star Wars, only prettier and much more surreal.

Considering the quality of the film, it is unsurprising that it spawned a series, although the series seems to be much more obscure and difficult to obtain information on.



Aha. Here's more information, courtesy of somebody on YouTube:

This is the openning of a not completed anime series dubbing, Harmony Gold Dubbed this compilation of 4 episodes from an original 25 episode series. The other episodes were never dubbed. there was also a movie with the title Lensman - Secret of The Lens also dubbed by Harmony Gold, the more popular version of this movie was dubbed later by Streamline. Based upon the all time novels by E. E. Doc Smith

(This has been cut and pasted, so yes, the original text lacked the final period.)

That's not that helpful for general purposes, but at least other people know it exists, I guess.

Here's the "openning" this text is associated with.



As kind of an aside, what in the world was up with the music in old dubbed anime? Voltron had some pretty decent music, but almost every other dubbed anime from that era sounded like its soundtrack was created with a possessed ambient theremin or something.

Eh, whatever.

The Day The Earth Stood Really Really Still, So Still It Was Pretty Boring

The last of the crowd admitted in the present group hurried in, exclaiming at the great pure green curves of the mysterious time-space traveler, then completely forgetting the ship at sight of the awesome figure and great head of the giant Gnut. Hinged robots of crude manlike appearance were familiar enough, but never had Earthling eyes lain on one like this. For Gnut had almost exactly the shape of a man — a giant, but a man — with greenish metal for man's covering flesh, and greenish metal for man's bulging muscles. Except for a loin cloth, he was nude. He stood like the powerful god of the machine of some undreamt–of scientific civilization, on his face a look of sullen, brooding thought. Those who looked at him did not make jests or idle remarks, and those nearest him usually did not speak at all. His strange, internally illuminated red eyes were so set that every observer felt they were fixed on himself alone, and he engendered a feeling that he might at any moment step forward in anger and perform unimaginable deeds.

So was described the robot of the story Farewell to the Master, a 1940 science fiction story upon which The Day the Earth Stood Still is (theoretically) based.

Notice there's a little change. (Well, lots of little changes.) First, he's not Gort, he's Gnut. Second, he's almost completely human in appearance, except that he's made of green metal. Weird, I know.

I have to say, I don't really care for The Day the Earth Stood Still. It's a slow film, which in and of itself isn't much of a problem. However, I just couldn't get into it. First, I read Farewell to the Master years before I saw the film (which I only saw after its relatively recent DVD release). TDtESS unleashes heavy-handed moralizing upon us, and quite frankly I find it rather questionable moralizing. Here's the way one can interpret the film in rapid soundbite fashion:

Klaatu: Hey I've got this scary thing that will tell you how great we all are. (gets shot)
Gort: Zappity! Zappity!
Klaatu: Darn, my flimsy gift was broken instantly! Now I will hide within your society and spy on the lot of you!
Scientist: Oh my, you are smart!
Klaatu: You will do as I say or I will destroy your world!
Scientist: Oh my... you are smart!
Klaatu: Mwahahaha- (gets shot)
Gort: Zappity! Zappity!
Lady: Klaatu barada nikto.
Gort: Zappity?
Lady: No! No zappity! Klaatu barada nikto!
Gort: Daw. (resurrects Klaatu)
Klaatu: I only have a short time to live, so I will tell you-DISARM OR DIE!!

Now, I suppose its message of human potential for self-destructiveness is relevant, although in entirely different ways today than then. But Klaatu's motivations strike me as more than a little suspicious.

I won't ever criticize its anti-war sentiment as being a bad thing, but I just don't think it's realistic. If presented with this, most world leaders would dismiss it as an elaborate hoax. I sure wouldn't buy into it.

But it's this kind of philosophy which drives nuclear disarmament (not too bad an idea, although those big bombs would be useful for things other than massacres, such as attempting to deflect large masses on collision course with Earth) and sentiment against nuclear power. While I understand fully that people are uneasy about nuclear power, the only real accident with nuclear power in the United States turned out to not be that bad. (And don't bother telling me about how awful Chernobyl was-yes, it was, but Chernobyl was the worst-designed nuclear power plant ever built. They had freaking graphite-i.e., carbon, practically one step away from coal-as the moderator! Most nuclear reactors are actually designed in a way that they can't explode.)

But I digress. What strikes me as suspicious is this whole idea of telling people "Disarm or die!"

Threats are not really the big stick of peaceful intent. I'll admit, the US has what looks like a pretty bad track record here, but how often we threaten to actually exterminate an entire planet (or in more realistic context, a country or race)? That's what Klaatu was doing, you know.

Back to Farewell to the Master. Farewell poses an interesting idea, insights on ethnocentrism, and a warning of sorts. Just what is the central idea to this? Well, if you'd like to read the story, go back up to that link and read it. If not, keep reading here.

SPOILER IF YOU HAVEN'T READ FAREWELL TO THE MASTER FOLLOWS (in white text so you can't see it if you don't want to)

Gnut the robot obtains the microfilm that contains the recording pattern he needs to replicate Klaatu. (It's a long story.) Cliff Sutherland, the reporter who aided him in his quest, asks Gnut to, when the robot is about to leave with the film in his hand, tell his master (Klaatu) that the shooting of Klaatu was an accident. Gnut replies "You misunderstand." There is a momentary digression as the narration indicates that Sutherland was greatly shocked by what follows, to the point where he doesn't relate it until the day of his death. Gnut finishes with what I personally find to still be one of the most iconic lines in science fiction: "I am the master."

SPOILER OVER I GUESS

Erm, maybe the spoilers aren't completely over, but whatever. Anyway, there are two or three things to be taken from this ending.

1. We make too many assumptions when we see things. Even today, most people would assume incorrectly the nature of the relationship between Gnut and Klaatu.
2. Can humanity really control technology?
3. Gnut is a cooler name than Gort.

Okay, that last one might be personal preference.

But this is a subtler and more interesting story, and it has a lot more mystery and about the same amount of action as The Day the Earth Stood Still. I think it's still a more interesting story than its so-called adaptation, and even probably more interesting than a special effects and Keanu Reeves driven modern remake of the doggoned film.