More "Whattaheck" Moments In Comics

Apparently, this is Golden Age Insane and Inane Comic Book week, or something...

Let's start off slowly.

Of course, "slowly" in the Golden Age means something rather different than what it means today...

So what we have here is either a giant Nazi Tyrannosaurus Rex that talks to itself, or a giant Nazi robot disguised as a giant T. Rex. (FYI, in case you're wondering, yes it is a robot, and it's actually piloted by one of the rare recurring villains of the public domain Golden Age, the Crane.)

So, whose efforts to frustrate Hitler do we have to thank-er, blame-for this monstrosity? Boy King (and his giant).

It's fairly unlikely you've heard of them, so here's a quick summary: Boy King is the king of a little country called "Swisslakia" (i.e. in the bizarre fictional universe it usurped Switzerland, which FYI was common practice in the Golden Age, as nobody cared about Switzerland, it not being in the war and all-no offense intended to the Swiss) which has just been rolled over by the Nazis despite its neutrality and its relatively useless strategic position. But Swisslakia's kings have a secret-thousands of years ago, Nostradamus (who lived hundreds of years ago) built a giant and put it under Swisslakia, for a future king to awaken when a tyrant threatened Swisslakia. Long story short-the royal family was killed except for Boy King, Boy King wakes up giant and sticks the survivors of the invasion in boats ("We've always been a tiny country," he says), and then goes to America.

He wants to use the giant as a weapon against the Nazis, which sounds like a pretty good idea, as the giant owned a Nazi fleet so thoroughly that most of its ships were captured intact. But when he makes the offer to the military, they claim that Nazi howitzers will find the giant an easy, vulnerable target. I tend to think that any military man would have a better idea of military power than that-a battleship's guns dwarf the vast majority of land-based artillery emplacements, and the giant took such ships with ease. But I digress.

So what does this ill-advised tactician suggest as an alternative?

Lumberjacking and mining.

I don't really see the sense in it myself, especially as it's boring in a comic, but fortunately, the approach of the Nazisaurus Rex gets things moving.

Are they eager for the giant's help now?

Yup. So eager they can't even talk like human beings.

C'mon, guys, it's time for the fight, isn't it?

Oh. Yes it is.

They fight in the ocean, like giant... things fighting in the ocean... for maximum drama.

This being the Golden Age, where half a dozen brief stories were generally crammed into each issue of a "comic magazine," this is probably going to be a short...

Oh no you din't! You cliffhangered me? (Also, you mispelled, and worse yet misused, the word Mastodon!)

Fortunately, it's sixty-odd years since this thing was published, I can download the next one and read it (public domain and all that) within five minutes of finishing it.

So how does the giant keep the Nazisaurus Rex from clamping on?

Wellll...

He kinda doesn't, because the cliffhanger had no bearing on the next story.

The only thing worse than a cliffhanger is a cliffhanger that has no direct bearing on what comes next, eh?

Almost makes me lose faith in the quality of Golden Age comics... Wait.

Tomorrow, I'll talk about another of "Clue Comics" features, which involves one of the craziest coincidences (in my humble opinion) of the Twentieth Century.

-Signing off.