Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Cheesy Sci-Fi Movie Review: Cosmos: War of the Planets

Also occasionally called Cosmos War of the Planets or just plain War of the Planets for no apparent reasons.

There are some pretty good reviews for this movie elsewhere online, so I'll make two quick notes to preface:
  • The movie is public domain, or so I've read, so you can find it free by searching for it (it takes pretty little effort).
  • Look here for an aforementioned review which loosely summarizes the plot of the movie sorta well. (Heavy snarks ahead.)
Something that the reviewer totally fails to mention: There's a lot of implied sex in this movie.

There's one scene where a couple lay down on two separate beds, smile at each other, and turn on a machine. (The machine happens to resemble the Death Star by total coincidence. The movie was made at the same time Star Wars was, too, so it was coincidence.) Then we cut to the captain, the main character, making out with his lady friend, and then we cut back again to the couple using the machine, and they're gasping suggestively. Then we cut back to the captain and his lady friend, and the lady friend says "I don't think I'll ever use a machine again."

Aaaaeeeuuurrrghhh. I did not need to hear that.

And then we see that same couple use the machine again later in the movie.

This alone makes it the only movie out of the old movies I've been talking about I would never show a kid. There's also the disturbing possession stuff, which involves a guy getting increasingly horrible looking as they repeatedly shoot him with flashligh-er, disintegrators-while possessed, and he doesn't die because he's been possessed (by a super-powerful computer), and he strangles a bunch of people.

Also, the phrase "war of the planets" was a totally arbitrary description for this movie. It was really about an evil computer trying to repair itself so it could conquer the universe. And it may have been invincible.

Something the reviewer doesn't mention (though it is mentioned in Wikipedia's summary): At the end of the movie, it is possible the evil computer possessed their spaceship. So, yeah.

-Signing off.

No comments: